AIBU to say no to hosting 12 family members in October?

I think I agree with the consensus, can you get away with buffet? I'd designate the most practical seats for older people and have everyone else sitting where they can. What's the weather expected to be like where you are? I've done some semi outdoor things in the UK and it's been doable with hot food, warm clothing, outdoor heat sources and blankets so long as it doesn't rain.

We regular have 13 of us at MIls tiny bungalow. We have a buffet and all eat on knees. It works for us!

Surely if they’re family they know the size of your home so they’re not going to be expecting a banquet table laid out for some posh sit down feast.

Do a buffet spread on the kitchen sides, have a pile of plates for everyone to help themselves and keep it casual.

When we have big gatherings at family houses the random fold away garden chairs come out and we’re all crammed in together.

It’s not about where you are it’s about who you’re with.

I have a small house and host Christmas dinner for my family every year. There’s usually between 10-12 of us. I just make sure the kitchen is fully cleared and organised before I start cooking and tidy/clean as I go along. Adults sit at the dining room table and kids at a picnic table in the living room.

It would be ideal to have everyone at the same table but I don’t think anybody else cares. They’re just grateful to be eating a Christmas feast that they haven’t had to cook!

12 is manageable.
All you need is a seat for everyone, folding is fine. Use the table
to hold plates, cutlery, food.

Do mixed cold starters, eg. Pate.

One pot of something with a pot of rice and baby potatoes.

bowl of fancy ice cream for dessert with strawberries.

If space is really an issue then hire a local community room/hall (cheaper and easier than a marquee) and do a buffet. Buy honestly, for a few hours, Id be tempted to borrow a few chairs and let them pack in. Could be fun.

Is there a local hall you could use, and do a buffet?

Does it have to be in October? You’d have better chance of good weather if you could do it sooner

We have done it … put a tarp up in the yard to make a sheltered space, and got a (borrowed) brazier going .. like a picket line in the 70s. People sat both inside and outside .. bit of mulled cider, and a few blankets dotted about .. cosy

What kind of food does this event generally have? A roast? Not gonna work. A buffet of nice things is perfectly possible. It is only 12.
I remember once when I had ~27 in a small house. Admittedly it was warm enough so the garden was available too. I had a tiny baby so wasn't up to sophisticated menus. I filled the oven with jacket potatoes. Had a couple of hot fillings preprepared to heat up on the hob, chilli, something else, and beans obvs. Then cheese and some salad on the worktop. Crisps and nibbles etc out all afternoon, and a help yourself policy for drinks. People drifted in over the course of half an hour and me and a helper served them the hot stuff, they did their own cold stuff then they went away to find a space to eat it. Then a range of shop bought desserts came out. It was fun and worked well, and the important thing was getting family together, no one cared it wasn't a gourmet arrangement!

Do you ever contribute financially to the others who do it, in lieu of hosting yourself?

They all know the size of your house so they won’t be expecting fancy sit down at a big table. Buffet and folding chairs/standing/sitting on the floor is fine if that’s what the space dictates. But yeah, you sort of have to make the effort if everyone else always does and you have enjoyed many years of their effort.

No don’t hire a tent. Do a buffet and they will have to stand or bring their own chairs.

I wouldn’t hire a tent, I’d make a buffet and tell everyone it’s food on their knees rather than at a table.

I would just do a buffet and ask people to bring garden chairs to sit on if you don’t have enough chairs . And do it inside. Yes it will be a squeeze but they already know that and want you to host so do your best and see how it goes. If it’s that much of a squeeze they won’t ask you again but at least you’ve shown willing.

I agree with others. Where there is a will here is a way. I grew up with various arrangements like this and it was fun - still happens on occasion to varying extents. HOWEVER, this is your house, and if you don't have the will then you don't have to and shouldn't feel overly pressured - I assume this is supposed to be fun for everyone, including you. If others have mentioned it is "your turn", maybe that is a gentle hint to contribute. You could hire a small venue, or better still for this kind of arrangement, ask whoever has the biggest house to allow you to cater and organise at theirs or at the very least buy the food?

You obviously need to do it as the fact they’ve told you means it’s annoying them that you’ve “got away with it” (bit cheeky of you!) Just do a buffet. Put all the furniture against the wall and people can stand if your living room is genuinely that tiny.

Sorry if I sound a bit abrupt but people that never host, but avail themselves of others’ hospitality, annoy me.

I have a tiny house. I had my friend over as our younger sons are friends. Her elder son asked to have a party for their a level results that night (it was 8pm by this point). His Dad said no. I said yes. He brought round himself and 22 friends. So 27 in total. We managed absolutely fine! 12 is easy!

Does it HAVE to be a "sit down " meal? Could you lay on a buffet?

If you are willing to hire a tent - you cohld hire a village hall/community centre instead? It would come with plenty of furniture, a kitchen, plenty of space and toilets etc.

Sounds like you don’t feel like hosting and your excuse is you don’t have space. It also sounds like people think you’ve been cheeky by never offering. I think if you wanted to, you could easily make it work. Put a buffet on your dining table or kitchen counters (finger food type stuff) and let people serve themselves and chat standing around if you don’t have space for all of them to sit. Where there is a will, there is a way and seems like there is no will in this case.

Nope, 12 is easy. Done it myself and been to tiny houses that had similar numbers. Nobody will be expecting miracles, so ask a few for help, a few to bring bits, sorted.

My grandparents regularly hosted 30+ at their little flat. Everyone were game for it - we took a door off hinges to extend a dining table and guests brought their own chairs. It was great fun and in my mind, there is no house tiny enough to not be able to host a family.
But if you don't want to do it or if your family expect anything formal, then you surely don't have to do it.

12 would be a doddle, as if all my kids and grandchildren come round for a meal there 34 of us. The adults around the tables, the kids where ever they can find a space. But seriously I do understand your nerves over cooking for so many more than you usually cater for. Make it a simple menu, things you can make the day before are great. If they are family they won't care if they are cramped around a small table if that's all you have room for. How did it become your turn, have the family all been to your home, if they have they know it is small and they are happy to come anyway. Good luck with it , relax and try and enjoy and next time you go t one of the other members when they are hosting, bring sweet, or the salad and remember how much you were panicking. If you have room for a marquee in the garden great but that could be expensive to hire. xx

You should go for it! I remember big family events crammed in to the house with wallpaper tables joined together between the living room and dining room!