AIBU to limit teens having friends over in our rented house?

My opinion, as someone who has teens, is your approach is odd 🤷🏻‍♀️ then I followed up with what I do.

My kids used to have their friends over all the time. I would rather have known where they were and safe

okay, I think we have different perspectives in general from that response. Not sure why I’d dwell on your choices. I read it, thought “that’s odd to me” and gave my views as a mum of 3 teens. If you don’t want opinions other than your own, don’t ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

I find it odd that you have to be so strict with older teens rather than just say friends can come but you need to be respectful and aware of neighbours and noise.

This.

Are your walls paper thin?

Rules about noise are absolutely reasonable and appropriate, but your teens will hang out elsewhere if you only allow friends once a month as friends are so important to many teenagers, and hanging out in "real life" is really good for mental health for most (especially the ones who want to).

Maybe you'd prefer them to hang out elsewhere? I guess that's fine if they have a good alternative and you aren't also limiting them to going to friends once per month?

If my neighbour was regularly having 10 friends over for social gatherings on week nights then I would have to move !

Apologies, I misread that!
10 is still capable of causing a racket, well they are here for sure.

Have a firm conversation with them that you have neighbours and the noise needs to be at a reasonable considerate level.

I don’t think it matters whether the house is rented or not. It’s just a case of basic consideration and common sense. E.g. if you live in a terrace house or even detached but in close proximity then having constant social gatherings, noise and loud music could potentially make life hell for neighbours.

You sound very considerate OP. I have two DDs but mine are young adults. Sometimes their mates come round for a short while just before they all go out together and they just don't realise how noisy they are when they're all talking together, laughing etc. The volume can increase unintentionally. If there are 10 then I can see how that could get quite loud. If you're new to that rented property then I get why you don't want to create bad feeling with your neighbours. Once every 4-6 weeks is fine for that number.

I think it's lovely that you think of the neighbours but you could probably relax a little bit more. Constant noise is awful, but hearing neighbours having a fun gathering once a fortnight or so is fine, especially if it ends at a reasonable time.

Not a chance I would be having 40 over.
Ecen 10 is a lot.

It is perfectly reasonable to want to be respectful of neighbours and noise.

The larger the number, the greater the volume.
Especially with girls.

It sounds to me as if your house could be the house to socialise in.

Be very very careful of that.
If I was your neighbour and it felt like a party house, I might contact your landlord and give a heads up.

Teens have no idea of the volume they create.

My daughters are so loud when they have a crowd in for prinks🙄.

I certainly wouldn't be having a party for 40 having just moved in.
The risk of damage is just too great.

Asking that all non-overnight guests leave by 10:30 PM is reasonable. But you should not have to police them constantly; your teens are old enough be aware what constitutes unacceptable noise after you've explained the impact/acoustics of the new place to them and they can remind their friends to keep things down. Things like door-banging can be reduced to almost nothing beyond the very occasional accident with just a tiny amount of care. Consider telling them that future gatherings are dependent on keeping things under control/getting the group quiet if asked? Unless it's a huge group (in which case, limit the numbers) or they're sitting outside playing music/talking excitedly, the impact should be manageable.

I find this odd. I have 3 teens and will have 9 teenagers in my house Saturday to Sunday this weekend for sleepovers. Our rules will be that noise needs to be reasonable and from 11pm it needs to be low volume and respectful of neighbours. I like my teens to come to our house as I then know they’re safe.

Ok, so are they having like a big gathering every 6 weeks or so? Like a party? If so then that’s more than reasonable. To be honest I’d be keeping numbers like that to birthdays only.

What about friends over in general? The odd couple round for tea or a sleep over? Is that limited too?

Out by 10:30pm, reasonable enough but once a month? Honestly I’d rather they socialized in the house at least some of the time rather than hanging around parks or whatever.

It’s great that you are being considerate of your neighbours but you have to live your life and your kids do too. Keep it to reasonable hours and talk to your kids about respect for neighbours. Even if you think it’s pointless, keep saying it.

I’m sure your neighbours wouldn’t want you to feel this worked up about living in your own home.

Is it that they are having a party like gathering once every 6 weeks or are friends only allowed and visit only every 6 weeks?. If its a gathering, then that is fine, if its just a friend being able to come over then that's nit right.

Ok but this is the exact opposite end of the spectrum. I would say once a week is perfectly reasonable from both perspectives!

People name to live lives. It’s not unreasonable to socialise in your own house.