Was sex at school less stigmatised in the late 90s?

People were not ashamed of it, but it felt as if the sex question was linked greatly to 'maturity' as well. For girls, getting into a couple with someone older, sometimes a lot older (able to drive, working, clubbing), was the more glamorous thing. A few of the 16 year olds had actually moved in with men who were working (possibly unhappy with their parents, but from the outside it didn't seem like it either from their, or their parents' points of view), were still going to school, but were dismissive about exams and had plans to train in something that wouldn't be on a school curriculum the minute that 16 was passed. I can't imagine that happening so calmly now. Under 16, there were a couple who became pregnant under age. At least half of both sexes would not have wanted to stay in education after 18.

But the thing I hate turning over in my mind as an adult, now, was the odd scene where as a pupil you either heard or glimpsed teachers trying to have a conversation with younger teens - and these were both boys and girls - about abuse. Sometimes of them, often of a sister. When I say 'heard' it was because of the high volume distress and occasional going ballistic involved, hence not always discreet. As it happened more than once, I would imagine there were also other 'quieter' conversations that weren't given away. So horrible.

This in a small, average northern suburb of a big city, a large school.

any more than ‘one’ probably

At my school if you were a virgin you were "frigid" and all that crap. I threw my virginity away at a party because my 2 best friends lied about not being virgins (from when I first met them in year 7!!!) because they made me feel like the odd one out. Fuck that. I hate that it was how things were back then, it being acceptable for older men to sleep with 16 year olds and all that.

It was way more stigmatised in the 90’s when i was a teenager than nowadays. I was even called a “ slag” for getting ( what i now know is raped) by a boy a few years older than me!

Enraged frothing intensifies 😆

You typed with spittle frothing from your lips, desperately trying to insult me as you project your own issues, and I laugh at you 😆

No, not in my experience.
I would have thought it was better today.
In my school in the 90’s “slut shaming” brought joy for many dick-heads, male and female.
Horrendous rumours were spread, mud sticks. I made the mistake of confiding in a “friend” about a first experience, the whole year group knew.

I know it enrages you that the majority of people do care (a lot) about sloppy seventy seconds. But they do. So that's that :)

But you keep trying to insult me and projecting your emotional problems on to me, and I will keep laughing at your attempts 😆

Went to school for 14 years in Ireland, catholic school taught by nuns and there was absolutely zero sex education, but we were all terrified of having sex because God would know. Then I moved to England, it was completely different. Everybody was so open about it in school! I remember being absolutely horrified. Then I started to have sex too, to fit in I think, got pregnant at 16 because I’d never been taught about safe sex!

I've seen this as well, stuff like " when I marry she will be a teenage virgin as what's the point of getting one that's been used" Twitter/X was rank for it. I stopped using and it was so depressing and so rife. They talk about women like livestock.

I read this 15 year olds account in the guardian and I did not experience anything near these levels in school: www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/feb/23/15-year-old-girl-misogyny-social-media-online-abuse

I've read about young women decentering men and it's easy to see why.

I remember feeling a lot of pressure to lose my virginity before 16 at school in the early noughties. From Y8/Y9 it felt pretty much expected that if you had any boyfriend there would be some sort of sexual activity, if not full sex.

I don't know if that was more to do with my immediate peer group rather than the prevailing social norms - we were the ones who thought of themselves as 'the cool kids', smoking behind the bike shed and cutting class and all that. I suspect the other groups thought it was all a bit pathetic!

I do recall some of my female friends being referred to as 'car slags' as they usually had older boyfriends with a car.

It was all very toxic and I'm quite glad things seem to have changed!

I was at secondary and sixth form in the 00s early to mid-late 00s. Sex was cool within parameters. Starting too early was weird somehow and to be too casual was unattractive and got you talked about. I went to a private all girls school for school years 7-11. It was always cool to know boys/ hang out with boys but I don't think as a year group on the whole, we really did very much more than kissing or occasionally a bit of fondling with any of these boys before roughly quite late on in year 10. So around 15 heading for 16.

The cooler girls had boyfriends and the loss of virginity started around then really, as a bit of a trickle that picked up in sixth form. Because we were so nearly legal, beyond a little curiosityw no one cared as long as you had a boyfriend- it was seen as normal. I remember someone a couple of years below me being viewed as REALLY slutty for having sex very young though. Anyone known for boyfriend pinching or being too casual about finding partners was judged. The faster starters were seen as a bit cool and could be a little patronising but it wasn't really much of a thing.

I think the school worried though as we had some very comprehensive sex ed in year 9 re stds and contraception. A friend who joined for sixth form mentioned the schools "notorious" teen pregnancy rate, heard from someone else in our year. This was news to me and I had been at the attached junior school too, and was well aware of loads of school lore! Certainly no one was ever known to pregnant and I think only 1 I know of ever "had to leave" because of it during my era. Only 1 in my year was ever rumoured to have had an abortion. No one really said anything but she was seen as a bit too keen behind her back. Anyone having a baby not long after leaving- that was their look out.

I went to a mixed, private sixth form with the same sort of vibe. A few people had slept with boyfriends in year 11 and they seemed the most grown up but no one cared in a negative way. It was a mixed sixth form attached to an all boys school so we got a lot of jokes etc but no one really judged sex with a boyfriend; we all did it during sixth form and no one cared as long as you were dating them and you weren't cheating. Cheating etc got you a rep - slutty for a girl, untrustworthy arsehole for a boy. I also recall boys with a supposed high body count not being seen as that attractive, either. They were seen as a bit obvious or sleazy. It was certainly a bigger deal to be gay than to be sexually active in a heterosexual relationship. Neither of the gay boys on my year came out til after school (after uni for one of them) and my openly bi friend was teased. She batted it off but it didn't go away until quite near the end of school. One guy is supposedly still in the closet.

We had some sex ed as girls from a nurse in lower sixth but it was less empowering or useful than I'd had before! I also know the MAP was available from the nurse (boarding school) as the girls once all got lectured about it being requested too frequently. It was supposedly aimed at the year above me - they were considered a golden year in terms of achievement etc. But they were legendary for boyfriend stealing, and lots of getting up to no good in various dark corners of the school.

I was at school mid 90s to early 2000s and it wasn't cool at my school but equally wasn't openly stigmatised. Those who had sex underage (starting at 14) thought themselves cool, but to others they weren't particularly liked and weren't cool (at the time I would say they were viewed as trouble, in hindsight I am sad for them, they were clearly vulnerable and 'dating' 18+ year old men).

In the sixth form it was the cool girls who had sex, but they were having sex because they were cool and popular and therefore had boyfriends, not cool and popular because they had sex iyswim. Casual sex wasn't widespread and definitely wasn't seen as cool.

Nope, it's perfect and it is deliberate. Shaming people for doing things you find disgusting is a great societal tool, and it works.

So, no sloppy seventy seconds for me, or any normal person then :) The more things change, the more they stay the same :)

As I stated in a previous post women find sloppy seventy seconds disgusting too. I don't care whether you hate that fact, you know it's a fact and that's that :)

Already also said under ten was the norm years ago, now it's under 20. The fewer the better for both sexes, obviously. Already all asked and answered. More than that, you're considered gross - both men and women. Reality doesn't care how you feel just bw :)

And stop using chat GPT, it's truly embarrassing for you that you can't just craft a simple response.

Culture has changed.

I think that pornography and music has really locked into debasing and degrading women.

That results in less freedom.

I think that I had more freedom than my dd and her friends have now.

Not to say it was perfect, because it certainly wasn't.

But you could get away from things - now they can't.

I wouldn't want a partner who had been highly promiscuous either as I don't have casual sex and it would indicate potential incompatibility. But calling someone 'sloppy seconds' is awful, and even if pp (and you) meant it to apply to both sexes,,it's generally women who get nasty language like that used about them.

And what would qualify someone as 'seconds' anyway? Sex with any previous person?

'Sloppy seventy seconds'

• so does that apply to women only? Or men as well? And what would the line be where someone has slept with too many people- I'm assuming you think some level of dating before marriage is OK?