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AIBU?

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To wonder if intense attraction can be one-sided?

67 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 29/04/2026 19:01

There’s a guy I see now and again through work (although we don’t work together or for the same company). I don’t know him well but I’m insanely attracted to him, my legs go like jelly and I actually get shaky when I’m anywhere near him. I do manage to keep my cool around him thank god and we’ve had a few nice but brief chats. He’s managed to drop into the conversation he’s single (in a very natural way). I’m single too and I feel this intensely powerful energy between us whenever we’re in close proximity to each other. In your experience, can this energy be one-sided and he be completely oblivious or is it usually a mutual energy coming from the connection between both people? Or am I imagining it?

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 29/04/2026 20:25

I think attraction can be one sided but mutual chemistry and banter and flirtatious interactions take the willing participation of both people so if you’ve picked up on this it’s likely he feels the same.

Next time you see him try to drop in that you’re single or suggest grabbing a coffee/drink after work on some loose work basis if you need a veil to hide behind should he say no

Unicornjellyfish · 29/04/2026 20:13

I felt like this about a guy in my office…we have been together for 20 years. What have you got to lose?

SUPerSaver721 · 29/04/2026 19:54

Attraction definitely can be one sided but him mentioning casually that hes single is a massive hint that he likes you to. I know when ive liked someone ive dropped into conversation that im single and I hope they pick up on the "hint". Just ask would you like coffee sometime.

Sparklesbigtoe · 29/04/2026 19:47

Twitchie · 29/04/2026 19:43

Chemistry is mutual
Attraction/crushes not inherently, why would it be

which are you? You haven’t described how he is during your interactions

Edited

that’s a better description of what I meant - chemistry. I feel there is definite chemistry between us but I have very little to go on because we’ve had so few interactions and there’s always other people around. But isn’t chemistry something you can imagine if you fancy someone?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/04/2026 19:45

Mutual attraction happens all the time. He has mentioned he is single, ask him out for a drink.

Twitchie · 29/04/2026 19:43

Chemistry is mutual
Attraction/crushes not inherently, why would it be

which are you? You haven’t described how he is during your interactions

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 29/04/2026 19:23

Can be both

Newyearawaits · 29/04/2026 19:22

Can be one sided imo

OriginalSkang · 29/04/2026 19:22

It can definitely be one sided. And attraction doesn't always mean the same thing to both people anyway

Unnecessaryletter · 29/04/2026 19:20

I'd say it definitely can be one sided. I've been on the receiving end of someone infatuated with me and it wasn't reciprocated, and at the moment I am 'admiring', quite intensley (yet discretely), a colleague from afar who is too young for me. He's definitely not having the same feelings, I'm sure of that!

But forget everything I just said immediately, and go with the amazing Craig David advice. Enjoy your chill session on the Sunday!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/04/2026 19:18

I think it probably can be. I don’t actually know for sure but assume so - some people for example are extremely attractive and loads of people will be going jelly legged around them - doesn’t mean they fancy all those people!

However in this scenario where you’re both single and seem to get on, why no ask him out?

Kittyfur · 29/04/2026 19:17

Sparklesbigtoe · 29/04/2026 19:01

There’s a guy I see now and again through work (although we don’t work together or for the same company). I don’t know him well but I’m insanely attracted to him, my legs go like jelly and I actually get shaky when I’m anywhere near him. I do manage to keep my cool around him thank god and we’ve had a few nice but brief chats. He’s managed to drop into the conversation he’s single (in a very natural way). I’m single too and I feel this intensely powerful energy between us whenever we’re in close proximity to each other. In your experience, can this energy be one-sided and he be completely oblivious or is it usually a mutual energy coming from the connection between both people? Or am I imagining it?

I’m 60 and still don’t know the answer to that question

mcmuffin22 · 29/04/2026 19:15

Yes it can. But ask him out. At least then you know.

DoAWheelie · 29/04/2026 19:12

It absolutely can be one sided.

However if you like him and you are both single, ask him out.

Arlanymor · 29/04/2026 19:10

MandemChickenShop · 29/04/2026 19:09

If you are both single what's the issue? Just ask if wants to get coffee, then Craig David it from there.

Best answer ever - possibly on the whole of the internet.

MandemChickenShop · 29/04/2026 19:09

If you are both single what's the issue? Just ask if wants to get coffee, then Craig David it from there.

Abitlosttoday · 29/04/2026 19:06

I would also love to see answers to this question!!

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