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MIL 23 years in uk doesn’t speak a word of English!!!!!!!

108 replies

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:03

Am I right to find this crazy and infuriating!

when I say doesn’t speak a word of English, i don’t mean her English I bad.

I almost literally mean won’t speak a word of English!!

other than ok, maybe, good, bye, hi.

oh and she can’t do basic stuff like use email, use banking, etc

its absolutely insane.

now, I usually won’t care as not my business, but she has been forcing me, her daughter and my husband to constantly translate for her and do admin work for her. Before us, it was her ex.

this takes sometimes HOURS!!!!!

FOR YEARS.

appointments, online shopping, tax returns, banking, etc etc etc etc

when we are out it’s constantly what did he say, what did she say

calls and text everyday, make appointment for me, I need to buy this online, I need to send this email etc etc

It got to point recently she began shoving phone in our face, do this.

we showed how to use google translate and translate page she still insists she can’t work computer and do any of this.

She is treating us like her personal secretary.

(her sibling same age who lived in uk 10 years speaks English and she was housewife for 12 years to well off man she could of learned then)

I had enough and stopped but my husband and his sister can’t because she is their mum.

like “oh she’ll get in trouble if she doesn’t pay this on time! Or this appointment is very important for her health! It’ll just be quick”

my husband signed her up for English classes she would skip them. He said he will only help if she tries learning English 10 minutes a day. She got very angry and began yelling at him fine!!! Fine!

Her sister who lives with her confirmed she isn’t. She watches tv and YouTube all day on couch in her free time.

we realise this is our fault to enabling this so we decided to set boundaries.

we confronted her about this and said either you will learn English or you will pay us or hire someone for your services. We have been enabling you and please understand this cannot continue. This takes up a lot of our time. We feel used.

She then tells if we do this, she will cut contact with the grandkids and my sister in law disabled son!!! And they will never see her again.

she hasn’t spoken to them in months how and the kids are upset asking why and they want to see her.

the grandkids love her so much.

am I right to be very disgusted by all this.

sorry I’m just so annoyed and ranting

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 29/04/2026 19:03

ThePM · 29/04/2026 18:43

I voted Unreasonable, but only because I live abroad and know so so many native English speakers who won’t order a beer in the local language. (Yes I am looking at you XH👀) and I feel it is laughable for British people to criticize others for the failure they themselves are known for.

This makes no sense.

So due to the actions of some complete strangers somewhere else in the world, the OP is not being unreasonable to be frustrated that her MIL won't learn English after 23 years in the UK?

Batshit.

That makes just about everyone unreasonable to feel frustrated about anything, because 'Somewhere in the world...'

butterpuffed · 29/04/2026 19:03

How does she manage with her grandchildren if she can't speak to them ?

And also, how does she manage with doctors' appointments ?

Namechangerage · 29/04/2026 19:02

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:59

Her own language. She is very successful.

I agree it’s absolutely ridiculous and absurd

How does she pay taxes etc? How do they book and pay her?!

bafta16 · 29/04/2026 19:01

Irridescence · 29/04/2026 18:16

How is she with numbers? Does she get benefits and a state pension? If so, I bet she is fluent in those.

Racist clap trap

StepawayfromtheLindors · 29/04/2026 19:00

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:13

She was a primary school teacher!

uni degree

she also gives kids here in uk private language lessons

Edited

That sounds very unusual. What does she help children learn and how does she teach them given the lack of English language skills?

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 29/04/2026 19:00

Even if you don't care about respecting other people or wasting their time, I just can't fathom why anybody would choose to move to a country and limit their life so very much by not speaking the country's language.

And I do 100% include the immigrant Brits - or ex-pats as many seem to persist in calling themselves - who move to Spain but refuse to accept that they have chosen to live in a Spanish-speaking country.

CannotConfirm · 29/04/2026 18:59

Yep, my dad, lives in Spain. Not a word of Spanish. Can’t read it, can’t write it.

Sticks to his own English speaking community.

ThatLemonBee · 29/04/2026 18:59

This happens so much it’s surreal , I help a couple if friends and family with big stuff but for daily stuff they know enough. My own mums English is not perfect but she can do well in her own .
I would suggest you ignoring her and she will find a way .

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:59

SparklyGlitterballs · 29/04/2026 18:45

What language is she teaching immigrant children? I'm not sure how she can expect them to learn, and knows techniques to teach a language, but claims she cannot do it herself. That sounds ridiculous.

I also don't believe someone who is educated to degree level is unable to understand a computer. Even my technophobe 90yo mum can do basic stuff on an iPad, and she had barely any schooling due to childhood illnesses.

Her own language. She is very successful.

I agree it’s absolutely ridiculous and absurd

OP posts:
TheLandlordsAreFrowning · 29/04/2026 18:58

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:55

Their and their mothers/parents tongue

a lot of immigrants really want their kids to know or not forget their language. It’s very important to them. And be bilingual.

reading, writing, listening etc

Some of her clients include women married to British men for example

she also prepares them for their language GCSE

usually it’s upper middle class, well off people. She gets millionaire clients too.

Edited

Which language GCSE?

Indianajet · 29/04/2026 18:57

Madarch · 29/04/2026 18:50

I get you, OP. I feel the same about the English ex-pats that moved to this corner of 80% first language welsh Wales decades ago and still don't know a single word of welsh 😁

I didn't know I was an ex-pat !

SpaceRaccoon · 29/04/2026 18:57

Given that she sounds pretty bright and well educated, her not learning English is frankly wilful.

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:55

TheLandlordsAreFrowning · 29/04/2026 18:44

One time she said

whats the point. I’m never going to be more than a toilet cleaner anyway, and my state pension is in 2 years

But you just said she gives private language and maths lessons to immigrant kids here in uk? So she already works at more than being a toilet cleaner.

Could you explain more about the language lessons to immigrant kids? Is she helping them learn a new language or are the lessons in their and her mother tongue? If the latter, why is this needed?

Their and their mothers/parents tongue

a lot of immigrants really want their kids to know or not forget their language. It’s very important to them. And be bilingual.

reading, writing, listening etc

Some of her clients include women married to British men for example

she also prepares them for their language GCSE

usually it’s upper middle class, well off people. She gets millionaire clients too.

OP posts:
ForCosyLion · 29/04/2026 18:54

I don't find this to be so unusual, unfortunately. I know three elderly ladies who have lived in the UK for 50 years and seriously do not speak a word of English. After one lost her husband, I tried to help her. I asked if she needed milk, and she couldn't understand me. Another was a friend's mum, and back when we were young and I'd call my friend at home, his mum could hardly understand that I wanted to speak to my friend. And the last one is stuck in the world of 1950s India. Again, came here fifty years ago and doesn't speak any English.

I find it very weird, because I'd have thought you'd pick it up just from being around it, but no. Not for everyone.

maddiemookins16mum · 29/04/2026 18:53

I bet she knows more than she’s letting on. I have no flare for languages at all but even after spending a summer in Greece I could understand a fair bit.

Madarch · 29/04/2026 18:50

I get you, OP. I feel the same about the English ex-pats that moved to this corner of 80% first language welsh Wales decades ago and still don't know a single word of welsh 😁

Lugol · 29/04/2026 18:47

This is more common than people realise.

I met a woman who lived in France for 17 years at that point and knew one simple phrase about the weather (which was still wrong) and she was proud of this, she certainly wasn't the only one either.
My own mother came to the UK and learned English as fast as she could and her English is impeccable.
There is no excuse for people not to learn the language of the country in which they live.
Yet it happens all over.

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:46

BlushingBrightly · 29/04/2026 18:44

Where's all this money to buy nice expensive gifts coming from if she's a toilet cleaner two years off retirement?

She also makes good money giving private language and maths lessons to immigrant kids. Plus weekend language school.

also book and consulting online. (She was a primary school teacher in her country with 40 years experience and 20 years experience working with bilingual kids, a lot of immigrants/people are into that)

other than the gifts she also is frugal, cheap and never spends much on herself

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 29/04/2026 18:45

What language is she teaching immigrant children? I'm not sure how she can expect them to learn, and knows techniques to teach a language, but claims she cannot do it herself. That sounds ridiculous.

I also don't believe someone who is educated to degree level is unable to understand a computer. Even my technophobe 90yo mum can do basic stuff on an iPad, and she had barely any schooling due to childhood illnesses.

TheLandlordsAreFrowning · 29/04/2026 18:44

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:32

She keeps claiming she can’t, she doesn’t know why.

but we don’t even see her try

One time she said

whats the point. I’m never going to be more than a toilet cleaner anyway, and my state pension is in 2 years.

doesnt help her friend also told her what do you need English for! You have your family to translate for you!

Edited

One time she said

whats the point. I’m never going to be more than a toilet cleaner anyway, and my state pension is in 2 years

But you just said she gives private language and maths lessons to immigrant kids here in uk? So she already works at more than being a toilet cleaner.

Could you explain more about the language lessons to immigrant kids? Is she helping them learn a new language or are the lessons in their and her mother tongue? If the latter, why is this needed?

Dweetfidilove · 29/04/2026 18:44

Just let her children manage her. They're likely experienced at it.

BlushingBrightly · 29/04/2026 18:44

Where's all this money to buy nice expensive gifts coming from if she's a toilet cleaner two years off retirement?

Aidensmum123 · 29/04/2026 18:44

LittlePinkWeed · 29/04/2026 18:41

Deliberate incompetence then, to keep her children as her support network because they'll feel too guilty to drop her.

What were the circumstances of her moving to the UK? Did she actively want to live here (pull factor) or was it forced circumstances (push factor)? If the latter, maybe she's never been interested in integrating.

push factor

but what’s odd is she always talks how much she loves this country and British people

OP posts:
ThePM · 29/04/2026 18:43

I voted Unreasonable, but only because I live abroad and know so so many native English speakers who won’t order a beer in the local language. (Yes I am looking at you XH👀) and I feel it is laughable for British people to criticize others for the failure they themselves are known for.

Drats · 29/04/2026 18:43

I think it’s appalling to even go on holiday without learning a few phrases. Anyone that’s sat in A&E with a very sick child listening to the doctor through the curtain explain, praying you get seen soon to a third party (lengthy) to someone that has zero English language will know how unfair this feels and it’s such a drain on resources.

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