Found out I have half brother my mum stopped my dad from seeing

going to go against the grain and say it’s not that black and white.

Yes, the father should have been the one to keep in touch with his child. The mother isn’t responsible for the fact that he didn’t.

However, as the mother knew about the child, she is responsible for having kept that information from the OP.

There have been numerous threads on here from posters whose DC have siblings they don’t know about because the father has buggered off and fathered children elsewhere or alternatively had children prior to them getting together. And the advice is always that they deserve to know, and that given she knows she should tell them, because if she doesn’t, when they find out and that she kept it from them this will cause resentment from them.

Why on earth re you going on about a ‘single mother’ who was never horrible to anyone? She kept the presence of a child from the child’s father for 2 years. It doesn’t get more awful than that. You’re painting her as a saint - she is far from it.

Op, you are clearly angry at both your parents, so angry you are SHOUTING at random strangers on Mumsnet.

I get that you are very disappointed in your mum’s actions, but think on - you are already estranged from your father, are you comfortable creating an estrangement from your mother too ?

Sorry, it sounds like you do have a lot to deal with.

Your mother was shitty and I understand that she was in her feelings and pregnant at the time, but she shouldn’t have done that. That poor child grew up without Their father. And the fact that your father would have been involved was it not for your mum’s actions especially deleting her number off of the phone - I agree that she is awful. I don’t understand all the past posters on here saying that your mum isn’t to blame when your mum Played a massive part in why this child grew up without a father.

I doubt it was like today where he could’ve hunted her down via social media if her number went and he didn’t have any mutual people in common and she moved House then how of course is he going to find her and the child?

Op, it is clear that you don’t even like your mother
Save your vitriol for your father who abandoned his child

What do you want op.

Your mum is your eyes is nasty.

Ok so now what?

What are you hoping to achieve by being hopping mad at something she did when you were 4 years old.

She may have been fine with it, as in forgiving him. That doesn't mean she wanted this woman in her life.

we can feel sorry for both women involved and the baby but none of that changes the fact that it was your father that abandoned his child and only he is to blame for that. So what if your mum said some hurty words? He should have jumped on a plane to fix it immediately if he relationship with the child was at risk.

Yes, even four years later. People don’t always just get over or learn to live with something like that, even if they say they do. For all you know she said to your father she was fine with it not because she actually was, but because she was trying to keep her own family intact. Clearly she wasn’t fine with it.

She may or may not feel regret about it. You’re very obviously disapproving of and sitting in judgement of her, so it’s unlikely she’d tell you even if she did. You are not her moral authority she must answer to.

Your mother had no obligations to a random woman. This was solely your father’s responsibility.

if your mother had known about the child before getting pregnant it might have been different. Since she wasn’t given all the information, she had no obligation to accept anything.

Were you there? Did you hear what was said from both sides? Why should your mother be friendly with this woman who your father had a child with, she is no one to your mother except a continual reminder of her husbands unfaithfulness. Your father could keep in touch and support the child, your mother need have absolutely nothing to do with it.

How would you feel about an affair partner of your husband who had a child by him, would you welcome her with open arms? And talk to her endlessly on the phone or let your husband do so?

You say it was a 1 night stand in Russia. Your DF found out about the child two years after this 1 night stand. How did he know this child was actually his? How did this woman have his phone number after a 1 night stand? Why did she wait two years to tell him about this child?
I smell a great big rat here and would be extremely surprised that this child, if it actually exists, wasn’t actually your DFs child.

@MayaYanney your first post is written in such a way it implies your dad had an affair. You didn't make this clear.

What are you wanting to get from this? Are you wanting contact with your half brother?

Why have you bothered writing this post? You’ve already made your mind up and aren’t open to listening to what others have said, all your responses are argumentative and refuse to consider other perspectives. I feel sorry for your mum.

come on OP. if your dad wanted a relationship with his child he would have made it happen.

would you abandon your child because your new spouse didn’t like your ex? i mean lots of men do this but women don’t. because the men in question are shitheads.

Why your Mum did wasn’t kind, but it wasn’t as terrible as you are making out either.

You have to look at the whole situation in context. Maybe your Mum did feel that her family was being harassed and threatened by this woman. Maybe your Dad had been such a POS to her that she wasn’t thinking in the same way she usually would. She was trying to protect her own family. If you are close to her and wouldn’t have expected this of her, then she must be a good Mum and a decent person. She did one questionable thing at what was probably a difficult time in her life. Think about how you can begin to let this go and forgive her. Any lingering anger you have about not knowing your brother can be directed at your father for putting all of you in this position in the first place.

She did do the right thing, for her. Her husband was as weak as water for not establishing boundaries in the first place.

She probably doesn't need your sympathy. She probably needs a break from your irrational shouting.

Spend your energy tracking down your half brother not blaming everyone. Your father did bad your mother did good in some ways forgiving your dad, but bad in your eyes by (understandably) not wanting anything to do with the other woman or the 'love' child. If you are interested in getting in contact with your half brother get on with that.