Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found out I have half brother my mum stopped my dad from seeing

231 replies

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 15:33

Hey guys

a few months ago I learned from a relative that I have a half brother one year older than me.

my father fathered a child in Russia when working there.

the story is allegedly my mother learned about him when she was about to give birth to me.

Allegedly the woman kept quiet she was pregnant and till the kid was one and then decided to tell my dad when my mum was about to give birth to me.

my father kept in contact by phone and visited him till I was 3/4. Think this Lady didnt know about me/my mum, not sure.

then one day she calls mother told her over the phone when she called “it was your choice to give birth. You were 38, last chance to have a kid. You wanted the kid for yourself so now raise him yourself” and hanged up.

some time later this woman called my mother had her friend say wrong phone number, this phone was sold.

my father never spoke to him after that. I guess he thought she disappeared again and wanted nothing to do with him? Idk? I am not sure if he continued paying child support.

now obviously you can’t stop a father who wants to see his kid but my father is a very weird man. He also has a relationship with my other much older half sister from previous marriage because her mother kept in contact. I really believe if my mother didn’t do this he would still be in contact with this boy.

now my mother says

it’s not her fault she found while married and pregnant he has a kid and she was very sick of this woman being annoying and calling non stop, very often, for hours when they were busy chatting about their son. Says “I was just sick of her calling constantly! We couldn’t get anything done! Maybe if she didn’t call everyday and wasn’t so annoying!!!”

I don’t know how to feel about all this. I am disturbed my mother did this. Am I right to think this was very cruel? And look at her differently now? My sister says I’m over reacting.

OP posts:
MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:29

InterIgnis · 29/04/2026 17:25

That’s if he actually is your brother.

Was this the 90s/early 2000s, by any chance? Because that was a shitshow of a time in Russia, and it wasn’t at all uncommon for women to, actually quite understandably, look for a ticket out by way of a western man. To the extent that there was an entire industry built around it. The child may have been your father’s, but it’s entirely possible that she just said he was because it was more infinitely more beneficial for her to do so. Without a DNA test you cannot know, and with the wider context being what it was, you’d be wise to extremely cautious when it comes to what you’re willing to believe without one.

I’m half Russian and fully Slavic myself, and I’m not saying this with any moral judgement.

Edited

I was thinking this too but I saw a photo of him. My aunt kept it. He looks exactly like my dad.

OP posts:
InterIgnis · 29/04/2026 17:25

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:00

Yes. Very much.

but I think it will be impossible. Especially with the war

also 23andme is not really effective in Russia.

That’s if he actually is your brother.

Was this the 90s/early 2000s, by any chance? Because that was a shitshow of a time in Russia, and it wasn’t at all uncommon for women to, actually quite understandably, look for a ticket out by way of a western man. To the extent that there was an entire industry built around it. The child may have been your father’s, but it’s entirely possible that she just said he was because it was more infinitely more beneficial for her to do so. Without a DNA test you cannot know, and with the wider context being what it was, you’d be wise to extremely cautious when it comes to what you’re willing to believe without one.

I’m half Russian and fully Slavic myself, and I’m not saying this with any moral judgement.

kkloo · 29/04/2026 17:25

SonyaLoosemore · 29/04/2026 17:16

You are very close to your mother but you want a lot of strangers to condemn her behaviour?? You know that what she did was unfeeling to your half brother and his mother. How does it help to be agreed with?

Experiencing validation can be very helpful for someone in the short term when they're processing something.

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:21

northernlight20 · 29/04/2026 17:16

I think op is the russian woman and if shes not, her reaction is very odd. op,you need to grow up.

With this logic you and the people being ok with this are women who are ok with deadbeat partners and want your partners not to see their kids.

Why is it odd I’m very disappointed my mother said this nasty stuff to a woman who did nothing to her.

Basically blaming her for something my father did.

why is it odd I’m imagining being a struggling single mom trying and hoping my child has relationship with his dad and one day having someone say something so nasty to me one the phone out of nowhere?

why is it odd I’m upset to learn my mother was not just ok with one deadbeat (her second husband who left two kids) but with TWO!!!!

OP posts:
kkloo · 29/04/2026 17:18

northernlight20 · 29/04/2026 17:16

I think op is the russian woman and if shes not, her reaction is very odd. op,you need to grow up.

I don't think her reaction is odd. I'd feel the same. I judged my mother for being ok with my dad being a deadbeat to his other child, and would have been even more disgusted if I knew she did what the OPs mother did.

SonyaLoosemore · 29/04/2026 17:16

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 15:45

I haven’t spoken to him in decades.

i am very close to my mother

You are very close to your mother but you want a lot of strangers to condemn her behaviour?? You know that what she did was unfeeling to your half brother and his mother. How does it help to be agreed with?

northernlight20 · 29/04/2026 17:16

I think op is the russian woman and if shes not, her reaction is very odd. op,you need to grow up.

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:16

MyMilchick · 29/04/2026 17:12

amazing how she managed to track down a one night stand in a different country but your dad was unable to find her because your mom deleted her phone number even though he'd literally visited her and his son before

that makes what my mother said and did to her ok then! And my mother being cool with a deadbeat who hasn’t bothered seeing his kid not a bad thing!

btw her second husband was also a deadbeat.

OP posts:
MyMilchick · 29/04/2026 17:12

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 16:59

That doesn’t make what my mom did ok

she never did anything to my mum.

also it was a one night stand. I’m never going to blame a vulnerable pregnant/woman with newborn for being scared about tracking down and telling a one night stand foreigner this and worrying what he’ll say. Maybe she was he wouldn’t want anything to do with the pregnancy.

she also did end up doing the right thing and wanted them to have a relationship

amazing how she managed to track down a one night stand in a different country but your dad was unable to find her because your mom deleted her phone number even though he'd literally visited her and his son before

lazyarse123 · 29/04/2026 17:11

I agree with op. Her dad is a pos but I have no time for women who do all they can to prevent their husbands from seeing previous children.
I know it happens because I know a couple who were married and she actively said she would leave if he saw his son from a previous relationship and like an idiot he stopped seeing his son. I lost all respect for him but she is a vile human being and he should have left her. They had a son and then she cheated on him and won't let him see their son. She actually is a cunt and he's spineless.

Tillow4ever · 29/04/2026 17:10

Are we sure this isn’t a reverse? OP seems oddly supportive of a woman she’s never met, and knows that this woman wanted a relationship with her dad at the point she told them about the baby. OP was only just being born so how could she know this? OP are you the Russian mum? You blame the woman he ended up having a baby and staying with, even if only for a little while?

worriedmumofgirls · 29/04/2026 17:08

I wouldn’t be disturbed if it was my mother.

Imagine being married and pregnant then finding out that. None of us can truly say what we would do unless we were put in that situation.

If it was me, and my husband had gathered another baby I would be absolutely devastated, especially if I was pregnant. Chances are that I would have divorced him, but then I would be left as a single mum to struggle.

It’s a hard one, but I don’t for one second believe any of this is your mothers fault.

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:07

SnappyQuoter · 29/04/2026 17:04

They still have a number, and it was in your dad’s phone. There is also such a thing as the phone book, even in Russia. This woman was not lost to your dad. He is just a deadbeat.

Your mum probably had enough to deal with being with him and kids coming out of the woodwork. And why was that woman calling constantly? Your dad should have set up contact calls and visits and sorted out his mess.

She deleted her phone number. And threw away notebook that had her number written down.

Yes he was a deadbeat and I’m disgusted she was ok being with one.

her new husband was also a deadbeat.

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 29/04/2026 17:05

Chances are this child isn’t your sibling.

Further, your father is the issue here. Not your mother.

SnappyQuoter · 29/04/2026 17:04

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 16:29

It was one of those top up credit phones

and even if he could of called that doesn’t change fact what my mother said to this woman

They still have a number, and it was in your dad’s phone. There is also such a thing as the phone book, even in Russia. This woman was not lost to your dad. He is just a deadbeat.

Your mum probably had enough to deal with being with him and kids coming out of the woodwork. And why was that woman calling constantly? Your dad should have set up contact calls and visits and sorted out his mess.

HawkersWest · 29/04/2026 17:04

Ok, we get it OP. Your mum is the devil spawn as she said something not nice once to someone she didn't know. What do you want from this? Do you want us to join in the damnation of your mother?

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:04

Weeelokthen · 29/04/2026 17:03

Do you have a name or anything to go on?

Yes name and surname. But nothing on social media

OP posts:
MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:03

I think I’m also judging my mother for being ok being with a deadbeat.

her new husband is also a deadbeat father. Doesn’t see his 2 kids from previous marriage

OP posts:
Weeelokthen · 29/04/2026 17:03

Do you have a name or anything to go on?

kkloo · 29/04/2026 17:02

I found out I had an older half sibling too.

My mother was aware, I'm not sure exactly when she found out but at the latest it was when I was around 2.

I did judge my mother for being ok with my dad not seeing the other child. I don't know if she tried to stop him from doing so but I would say that's highly likely. If she did then yes I would judge her more harshly for it too and I'd be disgusted so I totally understand your perspective OP.

And like you I obviously blamed my dad a lot more.

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 17:00

Weeelokthen · 29/04/2026 16:59

Anyway, op, do you wish to meet your brother?

Yes. Very much.

but I think it will be impossible. Especially with the war

also 23andme is not really effective in Russia.

OP posts:
catipuss · 29/04/2026 17:00

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 16:44

My father didn’t have an affair!! He impregnated her before he met my mum!

not friendly, but at least not say horrible things to an innocent woman who did nothing to hurt anyone

Well your dad was a real prize. And he didn't tell your mum until she was about to give birth to you. The principle still applies this woman was nothing to your mum and apparently not much to your dad either having married another woman and had another child within a year of having had that child.

I agree with others if it was a one night stand who knows who the father was. It could be your dad, but if that was her lifestyle there may be others in the running. You need to find the possible half brother and get a DNA test before you blame your mum for anything.

MayaYanney · 29/04/2026 16:59

Soontobe60 · 29/04/2026 16:54

Why on earth re you going on about a ‘single mother’ who was never horrible to anyone? She kept the presence of a child from the child’s father for 2 years. It doesn’t get more awful than that. You’re painting her as a saint - she is far from it.

That doesn’t make what my mom did ok

she never did anything to my mum.

also it was a one night stand. I’m never going to blame a vulnerable pregnant/woman with newborn for being scared about tracking down and telling a one night stand foreigner this and worrying what he’ll say. Maybe she was he wouldn’t want anything to do with the pregnancy.

she also did end up doing the right thing and wanted them to have a relationship

OP posts:
Weeelokthen · 29/04/2026 16:59

Anyway, op, do you wish to meet your brother?

feellikeanalien · 29/04/2026 16:58

How did your Dad know for certain that the child was his?

Swipe left for the next trending thread