Found out I have half brother my mum stopped my dad from seeing

Why so rude ?

Think about what you have been told. It doesn’t add up or make sense.

Your mum snapped once at her calling according to you - Yabu to consider that a crime of the century. We’ve all snapped at someone once - sounds like she had cause and was at the end of her tether. What makes NO LOGICAL sense is that the Russian mother responds to one snappy comment with a) never calling that number again b) never bothering to ask for child maintenance again c) never contacting your dad by any other means again (remember she still has HIS phone number even if you are gullible enough to believe he no longer had hers).

Your dad did not tell you the whole truth about her contacting him or his ability to continue to contact her. (or potentially who she was to him - perhaps your mum speaking was the first time your brother’s mum learned of your mum?)

i know you are angry to not know about your brother. I feel how upsetting that must be, but that reality and loss of contact was not caused by one snappy comment and deleted-in-a-rage phone number. Please forgive your mum for this minor one-off thing.

Ok, so I haven't read the full thread but I've read all of your comments and replies. You seem to have a lot of anger issues OP. Firstly, I would look to get some help with that. You've had some pretty shocking news about your parents' past. Your Dad sounds like a dick. It also sounds like you've relied heavily (emotionally speaking) on your Mum and have had the rug ripped out from under you when you've found out about this incident. I'm not saying your Mum wasn't in the wrong, but she is human. Man or woman is irrelevant. She reacted in a very human way and she doesn't regret that. That is her right. If you don't agree with what she did, that is your right. I wouldn't, however, recommend judging her entire personality on this incident. You also keep referring to the Russian woman as innocent. You don't know that. In fact, all you do know is what you've been told by those who were around at the time. If this thread is anything to judge by you're going around in circles about something that you know very little about. Good luck.

Oh, and before you say it, my husband is not a deadbeat. He's a hard working and loving husband and father.

I really don’t get why this thread has gone this way.

Correct me if I am wrong.

A man has sex with a woman, woman gets pregnant. Said man, does not know that the woman got pregnant.

Man gets into relationship with OPs mum, OPs DM gets pregnant. OP is born.

At some time the first woman calls OPs father to say she has a now 1 year old DS. OPs father has contact with his DS until OPs DM one day intercepts a call and tells OW to get lost, and hangs up the next time OW calls hangs up and contact between OPs Not so DF and his DS stops.

Now OP wonders if her DM saying this to OW had any impact on Not so DF loosing contact with DS.

OP doesn’t have a relationship with Not so DF, he is a deadbeat man.

Ok! So we have ascertained that she is not making excuses for him, as she was earlier accused of.

OP is upset that her DM would speak to another woman in this way. What’s wrong with that. OW did not attack OPs mum, she was just trying to maintain a relationship for her DS with his deadbeat DF.

But PPs have accused OP of all sorts, she needs to love bomb her courageous DM and head off to therapy!

Sure if your mum was a saint she would have been fine with your dad having a relationship with this other woman and their child together. She had one outburst over it. It’s understandable that she’d be annoyed over it.

It’s quite something if one word from your mother was all it took to stop this Russian woman calling. If it were me and some woman told me not to call again I’d want confirmation from your father that was the case. Surely she must have guessed that his current wife wasn’t thrilled about a Russian woman having his child?

Also I’m not convinced your father couldn’t track the number down in some way. Surely records are kept of calls made in a bill or online? Surely if he knew where she lived he could have written?

Women are not the moral keepers of men, and I don’t expect them to be. If a woman wants to be in a relationship with a man that doesn’t see his children then that’s their business. I don’t care to have an opinion on it. I

My husband has no children from previous relationships, btw, so no, I don’t have any vested interest in this.

Don’t romanticize the sibling relationship with this man. What it could have been, and/or what it could be.

He lives in Russia, as he has done his whole life. You weren’t raised together as siblings, and you have no shared culture or history. These are things that shape the sibling bond. Even if your mother and his mother had been interested in supporting the relationship (and there’s no guarantee that she would have been. She was pursuing your father, likely for financial support, which is not the same thing as pursuing you), at best it would have been a distant one.

Russian culture is not British culture, and Russians tend not the as be sentimental about these things as you seem to be. It’s possible, if not probable tbh, that he wouldn’t warmly welcome you as a long lost sibling he feels a connection to or is interested in a relationship with. My Russian father has an older half sibling he’s never met, and the idea that it’s something he should be interested in is genuinely baffling to him. This isn’t an unusual attitude. Do not assume that if you did locate him that he would be interested, or that you wouldn’t be hurt by a lack of response/ a response that would be considered rude by British standards.

It’s very unlikely that you will find in him what you think you’re missing.

Yes I wonder this too. Your Aunt is also part of the cover up OP, she could have told you sooner, why is she telling you now?

Even if he had of had phone contact with your dad there is no saying this boy now man would want a sibling relationship with you.

There is no saying if you find him tomorrow he will want to talk to you either. You’ve got one half sibling who doesn’t care already and the way your dad got around probably many more.

I know my biological dad was a whore which is exactly why I will never do one of those ancestry tests despite being interested in my family tree.

I don’t want half siblings who suddenly want to become family just because our father ejaculated in our separate mothers. All we share is some dna from a waste of space man. Hell my dad could be your dad. Who knows.

Thanks for reminding me of the aunt, @Evilspiritgin .

OP has mentioned the aunt twice

1. "also, I’m pretty sure my aunt says she didn’t even know about my or my mothers existence."
2. "I saw a photo of him. My aunt kept it. He looks exactly like my dad."

Is your aunt your father's sister, or your mother's sister? I'm going to guess at your "deadbeat" father's sister, because I really, really cannot see why your mother's sister would have a photograph of this boy.

What else has your dear aunt been telling you, OP? You hold such bile towards your mother, I wonder at it.

I, like many of the other PP on this thread, feel sorry for you. It's obvious that you are very angry and quite possibly this is dominating your life at the moment. That's not going to be very healthy for you emotionally or physically going forward. I would hope that you seek out some MH help so that you can deal with this in a constructive way, rather than continuing to lash out at everyone, including your mother.

Haha with my siblings, I do wish I was a nice lonely only child, no chaos! Careful what you wish for op, could open a huge can of worms u can’t close. But as someone else has pointed out, it is getting boring now. Get some therapy to help you move on from a past you can’t change and have some empathy for your mother.

You wouldn't have grown up with your half brother either given you live in different parts of the world. You still would have been a 'lonely only' even if you did know about him.

You said she was your half sister from your dads first marriage. So she is your moms second husbands child.

Getting a bit boring now
Go to the lovely single mother and your half sibling and beg them to be your family 🙄

But your not an only child, you’ve already told us that you’ve got an older half sister

Why didn’t your dad go and see your aunt? She had a photo , she might’ve had a phone number

it sounds like your dad wasn’t man enough to tell ow not to be calling all the time and was happy for your mum to be the detonator, he had plenty of time afterwards to get the number

Do you not think if almost everyone on this thread is telling you that your anger is misplaced, you might be the unreasonable one, not everyone else?

There will be people posting on here who have deadbeat dads. There will be people who don’t have children, there will be people whose partners don’t have children with other people. There will be some who do and are really hands on, and some that do that don’t.

How do you know all these details? Have you made any assumptions? Your mum made the decisions she did to protect you and herself. Until you walked a mile in her shoes, you can’t judge her. Or at least you shouldn’t. It’s easy to judge without all the facts, 20(?) years on when you’ve never been in that position.