Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I expect my mum to tidy my house?

428 replies

Airwaverly · 29/04/2026 15:07

Would you guys agree that this situation is weird or AIBU?

My mum provides childcare for my 5yo DD and has done since I went back to work when she was 2yo. From when I got pregnant my mum offered to take care of DD so we agreed an arrangement and I pay her 500 per month to take care of her 3 days a week. Most days she picks her up before 9am drops her to school and then collects her at 2 and watches her in my house until I finish work at 5pm (i work from home). On school holidays she has her for the full day 3 days a week. They have a lovely relationship and my mum is great with my daughter.
For the first 2 years everything was great in fact I would say my mum went above and beyond she would have the house spotless, while still taking care of a crazy toddler. However in the last year things have drastically changed my mum no longer does anything other than babysit so even though I tidy up all the breakfast stuff on my lunch break by the time I finish work at 5 the house is absolutely upside down. My daughter is 5 and is good to put things away but needs to be reminded, my mum obviously isn't reminding her as there will be lego and magnatiles strewn throughout the house along with pages of colouring and soft toys. Often my DDs school uniform will be left on the floor collecting dog hair and any snacks/drinks/coffee cups etc will just be left on the coffee table instead of being put into the dishwasher. My mums own house is immaculate and she is extremely fit she just completed her 2nd half marathon (so its not a lack of energy thing) . I find it hard to start even cooking dinner because of the mess all over the countertops. I don't know what changed and my mum is not someone who you you can talk to about these things so i wouldn't bring it up with her. I don't expect her to be a full time cleaner but even just tidy up a little bit by putting the used dishes in the dishwasher! Or am I being a spoiled brat?

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 29/04/2026 15:22

Sounds like she's fed up of tidying your house after your child.

Teach your child not to throw her uniform on the floor.
Teach yourself to clean up the breakfast pots after breakfast and not lunch (you have a dishwasher to hide it all for goodness sake!). Then use lunch time to have another run at clearing the lunch and snack pots.

How often did you tell her you appreciated her cleaning up for you? Did you buy her flowers or gifts? The money was just for babysitting duties not cleaning so it's not surprising she is downing tools.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/04/2026 15:18

Shes taking the mickey. You're paying her, she's not doing you a favour.

Maybe simply ask her why she doesn't tidy up anymore? It seems as if she's dissatisfied with the arrangement but wont actually say so and this is a 'dirty' protest.

Or just ask her to remind your daughter [using her as an excuse] to put things away as you're trying to get her into good habits.

Lavender14 · 29/04/2026 15:13

There's no such thing as free help op.

I totally get you and I've never in my life babysat without tidying up at the end of the day before the parent came home. Plus keeping the place reasonably clear helps kids hold interest in toys and reduces the risk of them falling or tripping and maybe hurting themselves.

So I don't think yabu, but I don't know how you'd raise it. It does sound like she's maybe less engaged with your child than she was at the start, maybe she's finding it a bit much? So maybe there's a place to start to see how it's actually working for her?

My mum does the same, whether she's minding my child at my house or her house I will need to do a big tidy before I can get on with things. It frustrates me but I bite my tongue because I appreciate the help.