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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to worry about my teenager lying to his friends?

35 replies

Worriedwarriors · 29/04/2026 13:17

My 14 year old has been telling lies to his friends.

He’s a fairly normal boy, albeit quiet. He has a nice group of friends though.

I do check his phone periodically and I’ve discovered he’s been lying to his friends. Outrageous, attention seeking lies. Claiming to have medical diagnoses and procedures he absolutely hasn’t had, claiming to have gone on holidays we haven’t been on, claiming to have achievements in things he’s never even tried.

I have no idea what to do. He’s had some therapy in the past as I was a bit worried how quiet he was. I knew about the lying at the time and told the therapist but she wasn’t at all concerned and said he was a well adjusted boy.

It’s now come to light again in my latest review of his phone. Plain as day, absolute blatant fibs that he’s text all his friends about.

He’s got football after school today and we have quite a long journey home when I pick him up, and I’m wondering whether to talk to him about it. I’m quite a gentle parent (strict when I need to be but I never fly off the handle) so I’d want to handle is delicately. Not least because I suppose it’s somewhat mental health related.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I have no idea what to do. He’s no longer seeing the therapist so I’m not sure I can reach out for advice.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 29/04/2026 14:56

It's very common in teens to feel insecure. No matter how much their mum cheerleads for them.

They want validation among their peers and will say some silly things to get it.

I'd say that you should warn him that the more lies he tells, the more likely he'll be found out. Then he won't be trusted or believed about things that are true. And are much more important than silly brags.

Had he ever seen Jay from the Inbetweeners? If not maybe you should let him watch that!

Original poster
Worriedwarriors · 29/04/2026 14:43

dicentra365 · 29/04/2026 14:26

He desperately trying to fit in/feel good about himself. I would say you need to help him get to the point where he feels secure enough that he is interesting and worth being friends with as he is without the embellishments. I think it’s a sign of low self esteem, but how you fix it, Im not sure.

I’m a one-woman cheerleading squad for this boy so heaven knows why he feels insecure. It rings very very true, nonetheless. He has a lot of insecurity.

OP posts:
dicentra365 · 29/04/2026 14:26

He desperately trying to fit in/feel good about himself. I would say you need to help him get to the point where he feels secure enough that he is interesting and worth being friends with as he is without the embellishments. I think it’s a sign of low self esteem, but how you fix it, Im not sure.

Original poster
Worriedwarriors · 29/04/2026 14:21

BigBrownBoogyingBear · 29/04/2026 13:36

Are his friends responding as if they believe his lies? Or do they ignore them/call him out on it?

I assume he knows you check his phone?

If so, I'd just say you'd checked his phone and seen the messages and were wondering why he's telling people things that aren't true. Be curious rather than cross. He might not really know why he's doing it - but you can try to work this out together.

His mates definitely believe him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedwarriors · 29/04/2026 14:06

My worry is that the embarrassment of me finding out, and/or the realisation that his friends could find out, will make him very worried.

i’m trying to think of a way to raise it, without causing him too much anxiety about it.

He can be a bit of a worrier and a people pleaser, so I don’t want him spiralling.

OP posts:
ElsaSnow · 29/04/2026 13:39

this is so common at this age they want to fit in and be accepted by their peers or want to be seen as cool/interesting etc. He is definitely not abnormal for this. What I would say to him is you’ve noticed he’s been telling some pretty big fibs to his friends and you just wondered why - is he not happy with his own life/what he’s got that he feels he has to make up other stuff or is he trying to impress someone/fit in. I would also say to him there is a high chance they would find out he’s lied and how will he feel then if they no longer want to be his friend or make fun of him.

BigBrownBoogyingBear · 29/04/2026 13:36

Are his friends responding as if they believe his lies? Or do they ignore them/call him out on it?

I assume he knows you check his phone?

If so, I'd just say you'd checked his phone and seen the messages and were wondering why he's telling people things that aren't true. Be curious rather than cross. He might not really know why he's doing it - but you can try to work this out together.

CupcakeDreams · 29/04/2026 13:33

He probably wants to come across as more interesting. Common at that age.

BarbiesDreamHome · 29/04/2026 13:30

You need to do something but id suggest waiting until next week. Its not urgent and it will give you time to mull it over. You know how you always think of the perfect comeback to an arguement hours later in the shower? So take your time and handhold because it's not a personal failing and you'll navigate it as best you can x

eggsandsourdough · 29/04/2026 13:21

Really its about you being quite direct and to the point.

I wouldnt shame him but equally id use his examples and senarios then go through the consequences of people finding out about these lies.

I also think its very common at this age but i do have some (older) family memebers and people in general life that are compulsive liars so you do want to nip it in the bud.

I also have a friend that used to be like this, we confronted her and i think the shock/embarassment did stop it in its tracks.