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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel night out because I don’t like one of the women coming?

134 replies

rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:37

I don’t get out much so probably why I’m overthinking!

Going out in a group of five of us. One of the five is dour, miserable and sarcastic. I don’t like her and I think the feeling is reciprocated.

On the other hand I do like the others and it would be nice to go out. Part of me thinks it’s silly to go if I’m not going to enjoy it much but another part thinks I shouldn’t let one rude person dictate my social life.

OP posts:
Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 13:11

Allthegoodhorses · 29/04/2026 13:09

If Charles and Camilla have to suck it up with Trump and Melania for a week I am sure you'll be fine on a night out..

Yeah, they are the king and queen. I’m just slightly less important than that Confused

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Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 13:10

GreatWhiteWail · 29/04/2026 13:05

I think you need to learn to accept that not everyone is your cup of tea and just take her for what she is. Be pleasant and civil, focus on getting to catch up with the rest your friends in the group when they chat about their news etc, and just listen and nod when she's talking.

This makes it sound like I’m the problem and that’s not the case here.

@minipie it isn’t really like that. She’ll say something like ‘well can’t your DH do it’ which is totally innocuous but the tone and the face it’s delivered in aren’t.

Sigh, I don’t know what to do really. I just don’t want to be spending £50 on a night I won’t enjoy. On the other hand it’s true I don’t want to be sort of manoeuvred out of the group!

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OriginalUsername2 · 29/04/2026 13:10

You could go one last time and try a mindset thing where you take her how she is like a character in a show and assume she can’t help the resting bitch face and speaking bitch voice. The friend she clings to must like something about her

It would be a shame to lose a friend group. The rest sound like good people as they haven’t immediately bitched about her behind her back.

My old friends from school had one like this join in adulthood and she actually turned out to be the most loyal and a good person at heart, she just came across like a cactus.

Allthegoodhorses · 29/04/2026 13:09

If Charles and Camilla have to suck it up with Trump and Melania for a week I am sure you'll be fine on a night out..

minipie · 29/04/2026 13:07

Well you could go, try gently calling her out on it and see if it makes her watch her tongue in future?

If she makes a waspish comment say something like “ooh that’s a bit harsh” or “gosh not sure what I said to deserve that” or “miaow!” Or something similar.

I know it’s uncomfortable to rock the boat but if you’re considering not going otherwise it seems like you’ve nothing to lose?

GreatWhiteWail · 29/04/2026 13:05

I think you need to learn to accept that not everyone is your cup of tea and just take her for what she is. Be pleasant and civil, focus on getting to catch up with the rest your friends in the group when they chat about their news etc, and just listen and nod when she's talking.

Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 13:03

It shouldn’t, I agree, but unfortunately it just does.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 29/04/2026 13:02

LadyKenya · 29/04/2026 12:58

Have you never in your life come up against a person, who just does not take to you for whatever reason, and their facial expressions, and body language are telling you so? If not, lucky you! No amount of being friendly will make a jot of difference.

Show quote history

It will make them stand out to the group if it's that obvious. I think you can be pleasant, smile, chat but not engage in negativity quite easily. If her response is to be abrupt or look at you funny, then that's her problem and it won't go unnoticed. Definitely shouldn't stop you having a good time OP.

Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:59

@Gloriia that would be my initial instinct but it doesn’t work. Don’t get me wrong, it’s probably not all that terrible but it makes me tense and feel awkward and then I just don’t enjoy the evening anyway.

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LadyKenya · 29/04/2026 12:58

WallaceinAnderland · 29/04/2026 12:50

Can't you just be friendly?

Have you never in your life come up against a person, who just does not take to you for whatever reason, and their facial expressions, and body language are telling you so? If not, lucky you! No amount of being friendly will make a jot of difference.

Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:58

And the sad thing is she didn’t used to be that way. A bit quiet and reserved and cautious but certainly not as she is now. She has had a hard time which I am very sympathetic to but there is a limit!

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Gloriia · 29/04/2026 12:57

rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:52

Of course and I am but have you ever tried to be friendly with someone who has a face like you omit a bad smell? It’s hard and it leaves you feeling very uncomfortable and awkward. (To be honest, I’m not sure from what I’ve posted how you’ve got the impression I’m not friendly but that’s by the by!)

It won’t be cheap and I guess I’m just thinking it’s a bit silly if I’m not going to even enjoy it.

Have you tried to kill her with kindness, so an ott concerned face with a 'are you ok, you seem very irritated by something. What's wrong?'. Rude people often backtrack when they are called out if done in a very pass aggressive way of course!

Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:57

It’s a group that formed a while ago @Bushmillsbabe and we haven’t branched off … plus she’s very thick with one of them. I am pretty sure others have noticed but since when we do meet up it’s often in a group and she’s there we can’t really talk about it, and no one’s really bitchy like that anyway. But a handful of times when I’ve seen people one to one it has been mentioned in a ‘soft’ sort of way (I’ll pay more for the collection for Rebecca if Sarah hasn’t paid you as I noticed she hasn’t replied sort of thing.)

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Bushmillsbabe · 29/04/2026 12:54

If she is this unpleasant then why is she invited? Or is it only you who doesn't like her?

Has she just been cursed by 'resting bitch face'/a bit tactless or is she intentionally rude

Gloriia · 29/04/2026 12:54

When I go out I want to enjoy myself if there was a person who was sarcastic and miserable thst would obviously spoil the vibe and put a dampener on it so I'd probably pass and focus on other social events. A bigger group, fine but with only 5 it'd be really hard to grin and bear it.

LadyKenya · 29/04/2026 12:54

I have a similar issue unfortunately, I breathe a sigh of relief if I know that this particular sour faced Woman cannot make a meetup. I refuse to not go though. That would be giving her too much power in my life. No way.

BillieWiper · 29/04/2026 12:54

I'd go. If the majority were arses and you only liked one or two then maybe not. But one person you're not mad on in a group is easily navigated. Just try and avoid getting into conversation with her without being directly rude. You'll be fine.

Gardenquestion22 · 29/04/2026 12:53

Go but have an escape route if it's all too awful. But push back - I would - life is too short for people to treat other people badly on a night out.

Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:53

Riapia · 29/04/2026 12:51

I would go, but I can be as obnoxious as the next person should the need arise.
Surely others in the group must also have noticed her attitude. Why keep socialising with her?

She’s friendly with one person in the group. In the chat she answers and acknowledges this person alone. I think others have noticed but everyone’s reluctant to say so, especially as the opportunity hasn’t really arisen.

OP posts:
Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:52

Of course and I am but have you ever tried to be friendly with someone who has a face like you omit a bad smell? It’s hard and it leaves you feeling very uncomfortable and awkward. (To be honest, I’m not sure from what I’ve posted how you’ve got the impression I’m not friendly but that’s by the by!)

It won’t be cheap and I guess I’m just thinking it’s a bit silly if I’m not going to even enjoy it.

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Riapia · 29/04/2026 12:51

I would go, but I can be as obnoxious as the next person should the need arise.
Surely others in the group must also have noticed her attitude. Why keep socialising with her?

WallaceinAnderland · 29/04/2026 12:50

Can't you just be friendly?

RiskAssessments · 29/04/2026 12:49

What do the others think - are you aware? I would go and just not engage if she makes rude comments. Or change the subject. Years ago I let myself be pushed out of a group of friends by one person. You’ll kick yourself if this happens.

Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:45

OriginalUsername2 · 29/04/2026 12:43

I’d go I think. Does she direct her sternness at you or is she just a bad vibe sitting in the corner?

A bit of both. I find her presence does kind of dominate the vibe a bit but also I do seem to get more waspishness aimed my way than anyone else although I accept that’s possibly because I’m hyper aware. I’m leaning towards not going to be honest.

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Original poster
rollingback · 29/04/2026 12:44

@Sashya it isn’t ‘completely silly’ as explained above, we don’t tend to taper off but we sit as a group and talk that way.

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