To cancel night out because I don’t like one of the women coming?

Have you tried talking to her about her issues? Maybe she thinks her life is shit and the rest of you and your friends isn’t, so, unfairly, she’s taking it out on you and them.

It’s fine if it bothers you. Just make an excuse and bin it off. It doesn’t have to be a ‘thing’.

And all the suggestions to be passive aggressive - why bother? It’s just going to cause an atmosphere for the whole group.

I am genuinely amazed at how women’s friendship groups are so full of angst about whether one person likes another etc. It is like some people don’t move on from the age of 12!

simple question really. Will you enjoy it?

@rollingback I hear you, and in your shoes I wouldn't go.....
She sounds like a twat, and if money is a bit tight this month, give it a miss.....

Just say you're under the weather, and treat yourself to a bottle of wine at home instead!! X

But you originally planned to go even though you knew she'd be there so it must have been something that you wanted to do. Now it's getting closer you want to pull out but nothing has fundamentally changed from when you originally accepted the invite.

My point was you were describing her face, because she doesn’t like you! I’m asking is it a reflection of your face as you don’t like her.

Just don’t go, if everyone else is going presumably they’re happy too, I know you think others don’t like her but don’t say. But if they’re happy to go, they can obviously deal with her and enjoy the evening.

Could you message one of the others separately (not the person she’s close to) to say that you are having a hard time and being on the receiving end of the usual type of comments will be a bit much for you, are they willing to help you manage that situation in the conversation if it happens? So not necessarily just you having to have some kind of response but someone else can do that?

You say you don't go out much, are you looking for an excuse not to go do you think?

I’ve been known to avoid events when toxic people are going, but in a group of 5 I’d say yes and have an escape plan.

If you like the others in the group, it would be a shame to miss out. I'd go but not expect anything in particular from her, and respond to any comments with as short a reply as possible - move the conversation on to include the others if you can. It sound like you can understand a bit of why she is like she is - can you use that to tell yourself that anything she says is her response to her own disappointments, and no reflection on you? Maybe that way you will cope better with her put-downs.

I have a group with a member a bit like you describe. She would always make me feel like she thought I was doing life wrong, my kids weren't doing as well as her kids, etc and I would avoid her whenever possible. However, people change and this particular person went through a very tough time with a health scare and one of her children had an eating disorder, and she is now much less prickly and [slightly] more fun to be around.

One person shouldn't be allowed sufficient prominence in a group of 6 that they dictate the mood. If it was me I'd take some control of the situation rather than passively accepting she'll ruin it and letting her do just that.
Focus your attention on the other women. Concentrate on them and their conversations and responses to you and keep her peripheral. If she's sarcastic to you, either ignore her, or make a light rebuke like 'that's not very uplifting Sandra' and move on.
There is no reason at all why the group dynamic should be dictated by her negativity rather than everyone else's positivity. People have only the social power other people allow them.

Go cos you like the others.

What? This is a really odd comment. Are you confused about the difference between work and personal life? That’s their “job” and they have to, just like everyone on the planet with a job - you play nice with people you don’t like and do things you don’t want to do with those people. You don’t have to do the same in your personal life.

I used to go to a book group, and then a woman joined who I found really difficult to deal with. She isn’t a horrible, unkind person at all, so for a long time I thought of it as my failing and tried to not get annoyed. This didn’t work long term though and I stopped going as I wasn’t enjoying it any more. She is very needy and demanding, and would bring every conversation back to herself. So it was hard to chat to anyone else or have group discussions that didn’t revolve entirely around her. For a while she didn’t come to every meeting but her health declined and she insisted that all meetings would be at her house. We used to take turns, and whoever was host would also provide snacks and drinks. At her house, everyone had to take the snacks and drinks, so it was just more hassle all round.
In your place I probably wouldn’t go, but if this woman only gets on with one other group member, then eventually everyone is going to get fed up, so the group will fracture or stop.

If you think you won’t enjoy yourself then it’s not worth the angst.

I don’t think you’d be unreasonable not to go. The way I see things is that my free time out of work is way less than I’d like it to be so I wouldn’t waste it doing something that I wouldn’t enjoy.

Is that your face? Because you’ve said you don’t like her?

As the normal organiser, I invite everyone, it S doesn’t want to come because T Is coming, fine don’t come. I’m not there to decide to omit people who don’t get on in a group.

If you want to meet with friends, then go, if you only want to meet with certain friends then organise an outing yourself.

If she comes out with this sort of passive aggressive dig, have a planned line ready to use. Something like 'Oooooh, really, Rachel? I haven't paid <Bar Name> prices for a night of playground insults. Hush now'.

Maybe keep going for now. As you've said the others have obviously noticed but it's not a gossipy group so hasn't been raised.

Just focus on the others. If she says anything snide change the subject. Annoying yes but if everyone else is nice might be worth persistenting with it, for now.