To leave DP due to his refusal to look after his health

The more you write, the more he sounds like a petulant child. Won't be told what to do. Won't put up with any discomfort that comes alongside the effort to change. Won't stick with a plan to improve himself. Totally self interested. Entitled. Only interested in his own instant gratification that comes through eating.
He's not a child though, he's a grown man with no obvious mental health difficulties. Just incable of being a fully functioning individual, partner or parent. It's sad. But he doesn't have to be your problem

Jesus OP i am sorry you've had to deal with this but now is the time to choose yourself and your child and make the changes you need to actually live your life away from such an awful human being

Controlling and abusive behaviour starting during pregnancy and after birth is not unusual.

Just end it, he's not adding anything to your or your child's life.

Has he ever had a pension? If he dies you can claim that for your child.

Maybe you leaving him is the wake up call he needs to do something about his health? I couldn’t stay with someone who is acting so selfishly unfortunately

Change the locks next time he goes out

@lonelyinlondon99

sorry to read your situation it sounds awful

you need to sit him down in a real calm but very direct manner and have a conversation with him regarding the situation you are living in.

if he doesn’t want to listen to you be firm and tell
him if he doesn’t get help now this minute and start to change his lifestyle,you will be making steps to separate as you can no longer live like this and nor should your child have to.

look him in the eye op and be really serious about it.

he can start wegovy ,it may be better for him than mounjaro but tell him he has to stick to it and make progress or your poin still stands that you will be separating.

him having nowhere to go isn’t your issue tell him,that’s up to him to consider whether your worth sorting his life out for.

I would also tell him it gives you the ick and you’ve lost all respect because he doesn’t care enough about himself you or your child to sort it out.

it’s very selfish of him and deep down you know that.

you can’t control what he does but you can control how you deal with it.

if it’s making you really unhappy and he isn’t happy to sort himself out then it’s up to you to take control of your and your sons life and ask him to leave so you can live a happy life.

you are only choosing to be trapped if you stay and put your life on hold while he decides your life for you.

you dont want to look back in five years and be in the same or worse a situation as that’s another five years of your life gone that you can’t get back

So he's a lazy, fat cocklodger who has everything done for him and provided for him by others?

Do him a favour and dump. It will only get worse for him if you don't. If you dump hell have to do SOMETHING. Something in this scenario is better than nothing.

Is the diabetes nurse a woman? Does he respect women generally? Does he spend much time on socials following dickhead men?

@lonelyinlondon99 he probably has some stereotyped ideas about what being depressed means, that he feels don't apply to him. It doesn't really matter whether its labelled depression, an eating disorder, etc as it's the resulting behaviour that is the issue for you.

What a shame, sounds like you had a nice life and he's not engaging joining in a healthy way. I don't see how he could be surprised given the state he's allowed himself to get into it. Maybe he'll feel sorry himself and say you're abandoning him. You've tried to help him, he's disgusting for being rude about his mum. Not helping you, not engaging properly with your son. He could be doing so much more.. He could be trying. He could make himself do half an hour tidying up, walk to the doctor's, little goals that would improve his health. His diet is truly shocking and your predictions don't sound unlikely. Happy to read it's your flat, he's had it very easy living with you and doesn't appreciate you or your home. Where he goes next isn't your problem, your tried, his mum tried. Wishing you a happier future.

It doesn’t sound to me like marriage counselling would work tbh and I wouldn’t bother.

Awful. Leave him. Yes I'm sure he's depressed blah blah but he's ruining your and son's lives.

Maybe try some marriage counselling and explain that if he doesn't change his ways you will leave. That way he knows you are serious about leaving and you will know you have tried everything to make your marriage work. It might make him think hard about the situation and get help.

I think he needs a reminder that he is setting a very poor example for his son.

Good luck with this. You sound lovely and I hope things improve for you all.

I think I would be beyond frustrated at him not giving the Mounjaro a proper go, especially as getting it on the NHS is evidence of how seriously unwell he is.

He’s got to want to sort himself out. He won’t have any urge to change unless it really impacts him. Set an ultimate and then follow through with it.

Have you spent a lot of time with young children on the autism diagnostic pathway? The running of a completely non speaking three year old with autism and learning disabilities who may well turn out to have ADHD too when old enough to be diagnosed is nothing whatsoever like that of a typical three year old. I work with this client group and have also worked with typically developing children as well as having my own children - it's doubtless well meaning to say "oh he might be like all three year olds, you're just stressed" but she's got an assessment coming up - at three he wouldn't be on the pathway unless his development was very atypical.

Dismissing and downplaying the difference between caring for a child with complex needs and a typically developing one comes unintentionally close to gas lighting and isn't helpful.

His utter refusal to do anything about any of this is why I would leave him. Whining about mounjaro hurting his stomach would give me the ick SO much.

My DP has health issues that prevent him working full time and due to some of these struggles to manage his weight and fitness. He is also autistic. But my god does he try to do something about this - he is on various different medications (which he regularly consults with his doctors on as to whether they are working or whether there are other things he should try that might work better or give him better quality of life), tries to eat mostly healthily, walks the dog for gentle exercise etc. And he is an extremely supportive partner and father - both emotionally and when he is well enough, physically as in taking more stuff on around the house etc because he does not work full time etc.

Yours sounds like he's a total drain on your energy and doesn't improve your life in the slightest. I'd get rid. It's not the health issues you're leaving him for - it's his unwillingness to do anything to treat them.

My partner is not as heavy as yours but he is overweight. He eats McDs (three times in a week last week) and almost is never home to eat with us. I sometimes save food but often don't both because it goes uneaten.

He drinks regularly (he was proud he had one dry night this week), only exercises by walking, c. once per week. He has excess stress which he's doing nothing to regulate.

I would stay with him where things are and all I do is cook healthy foods and model behaviours. I think he might change a bit when he retires and doesn't have that reason (or excuse). But also part of me knows that's not true that he'll never look after himself.

And that's hard. Because his Dad had a heart attack at 43 and while he lived to mid 70s, he was unwell for a lot of those last years. I think if you keep with this relationship, you have to accept that you will be his carer and probably are already drifting into that role.

It's fair to point this out to him. That it's nothing to do with aesthetics but the fact you are paying for everything. He's not just spending vast amounts on food but on expensive food as well. That if he takes no responsibility, what will the future look like? What is he expecting of you? Is that fair?

But personally I would walk away. I am getting very tired of hearing my partner telling me he'll cut his hours, he'll drink less, he'll eat healthier things, he'll exercise, then the next day he's home late, wine in hand, eating sweets.

It's got me to get to the point where promises are BS. Actions are what matter.

It really doesn’t sound like this man brings anything positive to your life. How fortunate that you aren’t married and you are sole name on the tenancy. It may do him good in the long run to be financially independent as it sounds like it will force him to really reign in the spending. Wishing you good luck.

I think that kind of disordered eating is a mental health condition in itself but if he won't get help for it, I think you should tell him to leave. You and your son shouldn't have to live like this, it's unfair on you and you have done everything in your power to help him. Maybe splitting up will be the kick up the bum that he needs.

also if you do leave him, please don’t listen to any ‘i will kill myself if you leave me’ or ‘i will change’.