Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want my parents to hear my side too?

84 replies

Sofedup15 · 29/04/2026 07:54

It's a long one.
I had a fall out with my brother and his gf after some pretty bad behaviour from them.
My parents said they wanted nothing to do with it didn't want to know what happened. Fair enough.
But my mother kept making sly comments to me about things my brother was saying to her.
I asked her numerous times to stop, told her I was annoyed she obviously has listened to what he says yet won't hear wat I have to say.
After months my brother decided I could no longer see my nephew, I'd been ringing him once a week and taking him out monthly.
My mother delivered this news to me. She didn't feel it was unreasonable.
It finally came to a head a few months later when she told me my brother was annoyed I hadn't sent him a birthday card from my 7year old! My brother had not tried to keep any relationship with my child at all over the last year.
I told my mother than until her and my father would listen to what I had to say as they do with my brother I would not be contacting them. I told them all I want is a conversation with them.

A few months went by with no contact, they have completely ignored my 7year old who they spoke to daily and I brought to them 2times a week.

They turned up at my door unannounced after Christmas and handed my eldest son, 20, a bag of gifts. I contacted them and told them I would be returning the gifts to them. I told them to have a conversation with me, I explained I don't expect them to rake sides I just want them to listen, but I then I said they are welcome to come give my kids the gifts in person the way it should have been.
Nothing, no response.
My aunt passed away, I attended the funeral totally alone, my parents sat behind me and laughed with my brother and his girlfriend, completely ignored me.

I'm so hurt, more so for my kids, especially my 7 year old who was so close to my dad.
My dad has cancer he has gone through chemo and I know nothing about how he is or how my parents are coping.
AIBU for my behaviour, for wanting my parents to hear what I have to say
My brother has always been golden child, for example my parents bought me my house I paid every penny of it back to them, almost like a mortgage, while working PT and a single parent. My brother was bought a house that cost 3 times my house he works ft lives alone, never had to pay a penny back. They recently bought him a car, even though they constantly complained about his huge debts that he won't pay and his gambling habit.
I miss my parents but I can't continue to live the way I was

OP posts:
1apenny2apenny · 29/04/2026 08:18

The sad thing is this, even if you put your side to them they won’t change their view, they will still side with your brother. I think you have 2 options: accept they will never explain or apologise and will always favour your brother so you will manage the relationship on your terms eg you have some contact, don’t spend Christmas with them, are not available when they want/need you or you go no contact. I would recommend taking control if this though, they’ve treated you very badly but it’s not going to change so you need to get some peace and make it work on your terms.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 29/04/2026 08:17

I'm so sorry OP, but you're beating a dead horse over this. Your parents have very clearly picked their side.

user1492757084 · 29/04/2026 08:12

You are better off without unreasonable people in your life, Op.

Wait for them to change their ways.
Unfortunate about your Dad though.

Are you and your son able to speak to him and visit alone without causing alarm? Do you miss supporting him in his illness?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/04/2026 08:11

Yanbu. He’s being treated like the golden child. It’s unfortunate that your parents have sided with him.
You’re doing the right thing by ignoring them all. Your parents should butt out of the sibling feud, take no sides.

HisNotHes · 29/04/2026 08:07

Absolutely infuriating that they won’t listen to your side, yanbu.
The way they’ve treated you and your children is awful, I’m sorry your parents are like this. It really does sound like you’re better off without them.

Whyarepeople · 29/04/2026 08:06

This is just a continuation of behaviour that they've engaged in your whole life. They're nasty, petty people who like to hurt you. There is no point whatsoever in trying to have a conversation with them - the best thing you can do is to tell them to fuck off.

Theysignoffquick · 29/04/2026 08:02

A few months went by with no contact, they have completely ignored my 7year old

and you feel sad that these nasty, petty people are not in your child’s life??

Bingbangboo · 29/04/2026 08:02

Sadly I don't think they are going to change. What is it you want from them? If you want the relationship to go back to how it was then I think you have to accept this will involve them favouring your brother and all that comes with that.
If you want them to hear your side, no matter how much upset it causes, then perhaps write them a full and frank letter and then just let it go. They might respond or they might cut all ties with you, so it's a risk.

Theysignoffquick · 29/04/2026 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Swipe left for the next trending thread