AIBU to want my parents to hear my side too?

You’ve yearned for your parents validation your whole life, you’ve done everything to please them. Your brother pleases himself and to your parents he can do no wrong.
They will never change @Sofedup15 not only do they treat you as the scapegoat but your children will be treated as scapegoats pitted against your brother and his son trying to compete for their love. The truth is they identify with your brother as he is so like them.
The only way to stop this toxicity from affecting your future and that of your son’s is to realise how great you really are, rejoice you’re nothing like them, walk away and never look back.
These people are not loving good people they are not to be trusted they will never have your best interests at heart or your children.

Write to them, if they will not listen they will read. Then it is up to them. Good luck

Your parents are absolute horrors.
You have been conditioned by abuse your whole life.
You shouldn't want them near your children.
This is 100% on them.
Take no response whatsoever.
Tell distant family the truth.
Let them be shocked by the truth.

Live your life and move on.
You cannot ever change them, only yourself.
Remember that.
Focus on yourself, your health and that of your family.

So both parents are awful individuals

i Am struggling to understand why you have ever had them in your children’s lives. I really am.

What a ghastly ghastly pair

You were kicked out by your mother at 16, that’s not leaving home!

@Sofedup15

Wow!

So, even when your dad realised your bro was a money drain, his solution was to cut you out too?! Not leave it all to you instead to make up for all the inequality and unfairness already dished out…. that says it all really doesn’t it.

Defo don’t write a letter, go NC, and enjoy the peace!

Ref wider family, maybe give them a chance after some time? They may well be very different to your immediate family, and you may be glad of them at some point.

Stay strong, you’re doing great!

There’s no such thing as ‘just hear my side’ you want them to take your side.

are you willing to write off your relationship over it. Only you can say because from your message it sounds like you’re all slightly unreasonable and no one can say who is most unreasonable. Also there’s no benefit here from pointing fingers bit all sounds quite toxic all around

I agree with this. The most important responsibility of being an adult is prioritising your own immediate family and the future generations. Your children need your finite emotional energy invested so that they can have an emotionally healthy independent future - all the other adults from family of origin have their own accountability and it’s not for you to try to fix stuff that you can’t.

This all feels very familiar for me, except it’s my sibling that’s the issue 🙄 sadly my parents are stuck in the middle. What I’ve learned is that I need to concentrate on me and my family. I can’t keep trying to build bridges I didn’t destroy! Once I worked that out there was a huge sense of relief, I’ve spent my whole life people pleasing and trying to make my sibling happy and for what?! They’re awful to me. My parents are aware how I feel and support me. I feel sorry for our children in all of this, especially my niece who I’ve been cut off from communicating with, but one day she’ll be old enough to understand what’s gone on and that I tried to maintain contact. It’s sad yes, but that’s how it is now and I’m much better without my sibling in my life.

YANBU at all, I am sorry your parents have treated you like this, it is completely unacceptable. Was there similar behaviour toward you when you were growing up? x

Your parents won’t want to hear your side. They will remember brother knew mum was poorly, brother phoned you, you phoned dad and ambulance came for mum .they will not want to know the rest.

Try the stately homes thread.

And do not send a letter, things are always taken the wrong way.

you are best off staying as you are for now with NC.

It hurts like hell when you can clearly see you've been wronged but the other parties gang up and turn it on you. What hold has your brother got on your parents, do you know why they've taken his side? It's not something you can get over in a short time so don't expect to, just think well you've all shown me who you are so good luck with that. Easy to say but hard to do xx

They ignored a young boy of 7 their grandson... id walk away and let them see how it feels to lose you all.

I really hope you do mean that

As if they’d read a letter or calmly listen to you. Never in a month of Sundays . They are unpleasant, nasty people.

So be cracking open the champagne that your children aren’t going to be subjected to the same kind of games and nonsense that you have endured throughout life. Until now

Op I’m not sure why you need to have this big official conversation. It doesn’t need to be a pre planned event with a slide show, if you want them to know then just say ‘brother did xyz and this is why I’m pissed off.’

They sound awful. But equally you have played into the drama somewhat. I would just cut them all off. Your kids don’t need petty, vindictive people in their lives.

Only 2days previous my dad had asked me to speak with my brother as he keeps 'borrowing' money from them and not paying it back. He works 2 jobs one ft one PT lives alone in a house bought for him yet has zero money.

That was wrong of your Dad as it was on him to sort and nothing to do with you. I've had it done to me - you try and sort it and both sides turn on you.

Also had the run up and sort care despite them being much closer - and then nitpicking when I did - and the bad attitude to ill parent. Problem is against the favoured one I can never win and even when parent is upset with them it's soon forgotten - other one is nasty to me. There's a lot of shit stiring from parent - that I didn't see easily - was given copy of games people play and realised I was being shoved in a role.

It is diffcult as we are some distance away and if parent doesn't contact me no idea what's going on - upshot is though I can't change or fix the situation and frankly with one sibling it's dangerous to me to be round them and parent has excluded me and my kids form family things in past. It's a mess - one I need to keep away from my kids and from me.

Who did what in end doesn't really matter - it's how you proceed - and if they won't talk then that's where you are.