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Original poster

How do I control my jealously?

32 replies

ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 20:27

I used to work in a team and one of the staff at the same level was horrible. Real attitude and causing lots of drama. I've left the company and she applied for team leader and got it. Hardly anyone else applied externally. They've had another restructure and now she's apparently in line for a £50k job.

Am I jealous or just don't want this horrible ex colleague to get good luck?

They've had the restructure and now there is a position which is £10k above her position and the director is apparently going to train her on the questions etc.

OP posts:
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Tablesandchairs23 · 29/04/2026 19:34

Its been 2 years and you don't work there anymore. Why are you letting her live rent free in your head.

Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 29/04/2026 08:13

WannabeMathematician · 28/04/2026 23:02

Every time you think about it you are reliving it in a small way. So you can’t let go of the jealousy because you are experiencing the frustration and hurt of being bullied by this woman. You have to stop thinking about her. Every time you catch yourself thinking about her distract your self! Train your mind to just not think about her but making it not interesting to think about her.

Thank you

OP posts:
WannabeMathematician · 28/04/2026 23:02

Every time you think about it you are reliving it in a small way. So you can’t let go of the jealousy because you are experiencing the frustration and hurt of being bullied by this woman. You have to stop thinking about her. Every time you catch yourself thinking about her distract your self! Train your mind to just not think about her but making it not interesting to think about her.

Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 23:01

Auroraloves · 28/04/2026 22:58

Just be glad you are no longer on her team. Do you have s job currently and if so are you happy there?

Im valued on the team

OP posts:
Auroraloves · 28/04/2026 22:58

Just be glad you are no longer on her team. Do you have s job currently and if so are you happy there?

Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 22:56

FaceBothered · 28/04/2026 21:47

One person’s awful is not necessarily someone else’s.

If you want people to know what they’re like, it’s always better to explain rather than assume we know their history.

You’ve done that now.

Still as it’s been two years since you’ve worked with her, I’d look into some therapy as this doesn’t seem to be going away for you.

Show quote history

You need therapy my dear

OP posts:
Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 22:56

Classes · 28/04/2026 21:51

At the beginning I found it really really hard. There were other things too but generally a person who absolutely didn't deserve to be promoted got a fantastic job and should be set for life really without much help at all.

It was wrong, unfair, disgraceful and just writing about it is making my blood boil so you can imagine how I was at the beginning!

I was guilty of ruminating about it a lot and what helped ( and completely immature!) was focussing on her shit qualities / bad stuff - it's not really horrible, not like I took the piss out of her with others, just sort of to myself. It made me feel less resentful as I saw her a bit pathetic really and you're not going to be jealous of someone pathetic are you!

Show quote history

Oh god she is pathetic, you are right.

She's a flat earther and promotes Andrew Tate as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 22:55

Endofyear · 28/04/2026 21:43

You'd be better off putting your energies into your own career rather than worrying about this woman's promotion. Karma has a way of catching up with people so it's very likely she'll get hers.

I am.

But I find promotion hard.

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UnhappyHobbit · 28/04/2026 22:34

I don’t think the is a jealously issue actually. I think it’s a feeling you have of injustice. I would also feel similar. It’s sickening sometimes how people can behave so awfully and they always seem to land on their feet.

Classes · 28/04/2026 21:51

ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:41

Yes!

I just wish I wasn't so alone and could have done something. Even now I want to just say "you treated me wrong".

Show quote history

At the beginning I found it really really hard. There were other things too but generally a person who absolutely didn't deserve to be promoted got a fantastic job and should be set for life really without much help at all.

It was wrong, unfair, disgraceful and just writing about it is making my blood boil so you can imagine how I was at the beginning!

I was guilty of ruminating about it a lot and what helped ( and completely immature!) was focussing on her shit qualities / bad stuff - it's not really horrible, not like I took the piss out of her with others, just sort of to myself. It made me feel less resentful as I saw her a bit pathetic really and you're not going to be jealous of someone pathetic are you!

FaceBothered · 28/04/2026 21:47

ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:42

The post said she was an awful person at work

Show quote history

One person’s awful is not necessarily someone else’s.

If you want people to know what they’re like, it’s always better to explain rather than assume we know their history.

You’ve done that now.

Still as it’s been two years since you’ve worked with her, I’d look into some therapy as this doesn’t seem to be going away for you.

Endofyear · 28/04/2026 21:43

You'd be better off putting your energies into your own career rather than worrying about this woman's promotion. Karma has a way of catching up with people so it's very likely she'll get hers.

Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:43

StandOutSpace · 28/04/2026 21:24

You need to focus on pulling youself up to the level you want to be at op. Not focusing on anyone else

Yes I think that's the problem. I wish I could pull myself up work wise

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Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:42

Rosesanddaffs · 28/04/2026 21:28

I get it @ihateyousarahm it seems unfair how the nasty ones get promoted and I always think it says alot about the company who promote bullies.

Tell yourself it’s ok to feel like this but also it’s time to move on and not give her anymore of your precious headspace xx

Yes I'm trying. I will distance myself from people feeding this info

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PoppinjayPolly · 28/04/2026 21:42

ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:41

Yes!

I just wish I wasn't so alone and could have done something. Even now I want to just say "you treated me wrong".

Show quote history

How is your new job?

Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:42

FaceBothered · 28/04/2026 21:14

And having a crystal ball instead of a vagina would’ve meant I knew all that…

Either way just get on with your life and stop paying her so much mind.

Show quote history

The post said she was an awful person at work

OP posts:
Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:41

Classes · 28/04/2026 21:30

Ignore the posters who must have never been treated like shit and then see that karma doesn't actually exist and life is just fucking cool and dandy for the horrible person.

It's shit. It's happened in my workplace. A dick is being promoted only because she is the daughter of one of the managers who in turn is also a dick. She is now our manager. It's shit. It hurts. You feel resentful.

But please please try not to ruminate on it. You're lucky you don't see her everyday as you don't work with her. Vent and get pissed off for a bit. But please focus on your life and let it go. x

Edited

Yes!

I just wish I wasn't so alone and could have done something. Even now I want to just say "you treated me wrong".

OP posts:
Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:40

S0j0urn4r · 28/04/2026 21:23

I think you really need to let this go.

Wow that's so amazing and so useful and wow it's all gone.

OP posts:
Classes · 28/04/2026 21:30

Ignore the posters who must have never been treated like shit and then see that karma doesn't actually exist and life is just fucking cool and dandy for the horrible person.

It's shit. It's happened in my workplace. A dick is being promoted only because she is the daughter of one of the managers who in turn is also a dick. She is now our manager. It's shit. It hurts. You feel resentful.

But please please try not to ruminate on it. You're lucky you don't see her everyday as you don't work with her. Vent and get pissed off for a bit. But please focus on your life and let it go. x

Rosesanddaffs · 28/04/2026 21:28

I get it @ihateyousarahm it seems unfair how the nasty ones get promoted and I always think it says alot about the company who promote bullies.

Tell yourself it’s ok to feel like this but also it’s time to move on and not give her anymore of your precious headspace xx

StandOutSpace · 28/04/2026 21:24

You need to focus on pulling youself up to the level you want to be at op. Not focusing on anyone else

S0j0urn4r · 28/04/2026 21:23

I think you really need to let this go.

Charlenedickens · 28/04/2026 21:15

You haven’t worked with her for two years and you’re still obsessing on her?

Original poster
ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:14

S0j0urn4r · 28/04/2026 21:07

How do you know what she's like in her current job?

I know people who work work there

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FaceBothered · 28/04/2026 21:14

ihateyousarahm · 28/04/2026 21:02

She pulls everyone down so that's how she gets on. She allowed someone to bully me and due to her being a senior managers best friends daughter I couldn't do anything.

She also pulled everyone down and told us we weren't good enough in a restructure.

And she's also treated her current staff bad, shouting at them etc.

Also withholds information so they don't do their job or get promoted.

By yeah having a vagina means you must like her

Show quote history

And having a crystal ball instead of a vagina would’ve meant I knew all that…

Either way just get on with your life and stop paying her so much mind.