Funeral flowers - help!

The flowers at the funeral or on the coffin are usually placed on the grave at a burial, or in an area near the chapel at a cremation, where the mourners can view them. After that they are left in groups until they wilt and are disposed of by the staff.

So just buy flowers from the florist linked, knowing that they will deliver to the appropriate venue, and that the family have said they would like flowers? I mean, does it matter whether you like what this florist has to offer? They’re not going home with you, and you’re not able to bring flowers with you.

Yes, so I think your choices are the florist whose link you have been given or a charitable donation. I don’t think I’d bother the family with the decision unless perhaps you are very close and in frequent contact anyway.

I do feel your concern as I have been in a similar situation in not liking a particular florist’s work (she seemed to love dyeing flowers unnatural hues to use for wreaths!), but you can ring and choose flower type and colour etc and that might help?

The death was actually quite a while ago, but obviously the pain will still be raw

Did you already send flowers to their home when the death occurred? If so, then I personally wouldn't send more the house now.

You are very kind to want to do the right thing. The gesture of bringing flowers will be the important thing rather than what they look like. To be honest, in the event it's difficult to see who's sent what, but the mass of flowers from friends and family is comforting.

I'm sure the florist would create something different from what is displayed on the website if you ask.

I’d just pick one or the other tbh but it depends on your relationship with them.

Isn’t getting flowers from your local florist going to be awkward because of timing and travel?

But you say the announcement said ‘Flowers welcome’. Why do you need to ask again? You seem to be making terribly heavy weather of a fairly simple thing.

Most people I know asked the undertakers to distribute the flowers to local old people's homes. Having worked at a care home, I know that the exprnsive wreaths and "coffin toppers" went straight in the bin, apart from the very few flowers that had stalks long enough to be rearranged in a vase. It's rather tactless to constantly remind old people about their approaching death. So if flowers are specified, I always ask for a tied bouquet/sheaf of flowers, preferably with water or wet cotton wool round the stems so they keep fresh, and then they can be enjoyed later.

If it’s a burial the flowers from the funeral home are left on the grave. Not sure what happens in case of a cremation.

Sometimes people just give a bouquet of flowers to the bereaved too, that stays in the house. That’s not organised through the funeral home and they aren’t generally referred to as ‘funeral flowers’…the terminology might be causing some confusion here.

My daughter died last October. We were inundated with bouquets and I would just say that in all the desolation there was a tiny gleam of comfort to be had from that tangible reminder that people were thinking of us. From reading the boards on here though I think we were in a minority.

Anyway OP, I think you are getting a bit mixed up maybe with sending sympathy flowers to the bereaved family and sending funeral flowers. Both are lovely. And we welcomed both. But they are not the same thing.

The former go to the family home. The latter - which I think you are after - go to the funeral director to be put in the hearse and displayed around the coffin. We were really heartened that so many people sent flowers for my daughter. It meant a lot to us.

Some funeral directors will arrange them for you or give you the name of a local florist. Otherwise I’d phone a florist local to the funeral and have a chat with them about what you want. Funeral flowers generally look best if they can lie flat on the ground so the spherical posy may not be the best choice (though I like the sound of it). Something similar, but better to lie flat might be a single ended sheaf. Maybe google that and see if you like any of the pictures.

We are just coming into peony season and they make a lovely display. I’d expect to pay £50 - £70.

You sound very thoughtful.

This is similar.

Our local florist made an arrangement in a willow twig heart for my Dad’s service. She planted spring flowering bulbs between the twigs and lay moss in between. It was just perfect. I would ring a florist local to the funeral directors and ask them to do something similar. It lasted for ages in the garden and the bulbs were replanted later.

It depends. They don’t tend to be if it’s a burial and all of the cremations I’ve been to have left them in the memorial gardens, but the family have taken the cards.

Not in my experience. They usually remain at the crematorium/cemetery unless the family ask for them but the arrangements are often impractical to have at home.

I agree with all the advice about finding a local florist or asking the undertaker for a list. They usually work to make sure the flowers end up in the right place.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Edited to add: the undertakers at my mother’s funeral removed some flowers for me to press and keep at home, but only single flowers from the main arrangement.

Ring the funeral director and ask them.

All flowers usually go to the funeral home and they bring with the coffin on the day.

They'll recommend a local florist too.

I assumed the flowers would just be displayed around the coffin

I have no idea but still baffled by a posy that a bridesmaid would carry? How would that be displayed around a coffin?

Is it a cremation or a burial? If a cremation, the family have likely planned the specific display/individual flowers being placed on the coffin before it disappears. If a burial, sometimes flower bouquets are left in the church or donated to local charities/care homes etc. I've attended both and never taken flowers to the actual funeral, but appreciate all funerals are different.

Do you know anyone attending who isn't a close family member of the deceased to ask?