Colleagues you don’t like much

An old colleague always used to say that you don't have to like the people you work with, but you're paid to get along with them the best you can.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here as long as you’re not being rude or hostile to them. Personally I’ve worked with some fucking specimens especially when I worked in Wetherspoons as a teenager… sometimes it’s a toss up who’s worse, the customers or the staff. I thank god everyday I’m self employed and work on my own.

I worked in a smallish primary school and initially everyone was great. However 1 day after I spoke up on the inconsistent expectations from the TAs (some were treated awfully, her daughter and a couple of others were not), she turned nasty. A true real bitch. She sent a kid into my class eith a plastic knife and a message about did I want it back from her back. Absolutely a reportable offence etc but I was to worried about rocking the boat to report her .
She was in her 60s and did nit want to be there, I was 24. A couple of staff knew what had happened others realised something was up. I was professional but only spoke to her/ acknowledged her when I had to. Never made eye contact, spoke casually
Thankfully she retired, I left a few yrs later. Ive been invited back for special days, retirements and I always query 'has Brenda been invited?' Yes. OK I'll not bother then, as I refuse to spend a moment in her company ever again! I then end the conversation, hang up/walk away and I know they are dying to ask why?!
She was probably the worst most unprofessional person I've ever met!

I work on a small team, one male and one female. The female chatters NON STOP she’s a constant narrator of mindless nonsense.
The male takes himself off and ignores her without insulting her. I was managing ok for a while but it wrecked my head so I took a career break.

I’ve no idea how to handle her at all, any boundaries I’ve tried to have she ignores. A total boundary bully it was awful. Maybe I should have just leaned in a bit instead I became allergic.

Being unpleasant affects more than just you and the person involved . Your attitude is professional so you are not an arsehole !

Quite sensible to be polite and pleasant to irritating people at work, otherwise you might have other problems than just being a bit annoyed. Going for coffee with her is a bit beyond than but she asked you, so refusing would come across as rude so I'd do the same in your position.

Only one person I couldn't really be polite to at work, because the way he spoke to the younger women annoyed me so much, very misogynistic, even though he didn't talk like that to me (probably because I'm not so young). But he's gone now after we complained about his behaviour and attitude.

If your friend is 'polite and civil' then she's obviously exchanging pleasantries up to a point. Doesn't really seem that different to your approach really. I think both you and your friend are over-thinking this a bit.

Work gets much easier once you develop a work persona. Mine couldn't be further from who I really am. I literally take a deep breath & don my personality costume at 7.59 when I put on my lanyard & it comes off with the lanyard at the end of the day. It's the only way I cope with my job & the people I'm forced to interact with.

This is just professionalism.

So if your friend didn’t like her boss would she stick to her advice/opinion?

I treat everyone at work the same - with the exception only of my immediate team (who I am very close with and we all confide in each other etc) who get my honesty and deeper level of chat.

However, everyone else I’m not at work to make friends, not enemies, I just want to get through a day. Chit chat is the name of the game in my opinion. Also - even the colleagues who I dislike as people (and who I’m sure dislike me as a person) I sometimes need help from etc. So why do I want to be a dick to them?

We have a couple of people at our place who can’t do the professional thing and everyone thinks they’re rude.

If she's asking you to go for coffee presumably she likes you? If someone seemed to like me and wasn't rude or horrible I wouldn't really care if they were a bit lazy at work. It wouldn't stop me being able to be work mates/friends with them. Even if they were a bit annoying you don't have to see them outside of work. It is easier to see the good side of people just to make the day bearable.

This. The whole ‘bring your whole self to work’ thing is nonsense, as most people with an ounce of self awareness and professionalism appreciate that our home self is and should be different to our work self! Part of work and being professional is ‘getting on’ with people you don’t actually get on with as it were, which it sounds like is exactly what you’re doing.

I'd probably be borderline between you and your friend. People are saying it's important to be professional but you say that's what your friend is anyway, it's just the extra stuff you do that she thinks trips you over into being friendly which she thinks is inappropriate if you don't actually like this woman.

Do you actually like her coat/bag etc. when you say it? If not then that is a bit two faced.

'How was your weekend,' and asking to get stuff from the shop is fine, I'd say that's completely neutral as you might do it for someone you have no feelings for either way, like a contractor who is just there for the day or work experience kid or whatever.

I wouldn't go for a coffee, as in just me and them, with someone I actively disliked though, for me that does go beyond professional and into friendship, or at least a friendly co-worker relationship. Although if you think she doesn't like you either it's weird she asked you to go in the first place.

Just come to the outcome most colleagues are liars.

All my colleagues want to say they’ve never been on a pip but the front cover of this pip document given to me doesn’t allude it’s exclusive to me.

I think sometimes it’s easier in the long run just to be nice. Makes for a more pleasant work atmosphere.
Or you could do what I did about 10 years ago and get to the end of my tether and tell her exactly what I thought of her! That was an interesting day 🤣🤣🤣

I know I'm quite an intolerant person so tend to assume that people I'm not keen on at work probably do have their good points and that I'm being overly harsh. So I make an effort and quite often it turns out it was me.

I don't even think it's being two-faced - or insincere. We're all there to do a job, telling someone to their face that I really dislike them - or that I really like them - would be weird. I don't gush over people, I don't give anyone the cold shoulder either. I don't think it's two faced to ask if someone had a nice weekend/holiday/birthday or whatever, it's just manners and manners generally are about encouraging smooth social interactions and that is what is needed in the workplace.

I suppose I'm saying I'm being friendly, not pretending to be friends, just like I'm friendly to clients/service users but I'm not inviting them to spend Christmas with my family.

Meh. I have a colleague who is such hard work. She permanently sports a thinly veiled look of "I'm not impressed," and has no filter so thinks nothing of very openly -and entirely unbidden- criticising and questioning others' work, ideas and competence, including those of our more senior leadership group and visiting consultants, in front of the whole team, often in such an abrupt or unexpected way that one is left feeling completely wrong-footed and everything sort of goes q u i e t.

She is unashamedly passive aggressive (she has a special 'voice' she uses for this purpose), speaks very unkindly about others behind their backs and, if the person she is speaking about enters the room, she'll make it very obvious she was speaking about them as opposed to trying to hide it; widening her eyes, sharp intake of breath, hand to mouth, pregnant pause, poignant side-eyes at the colleague with whom she was discussing the third party. Outrageous, really.

Faux surprise when concerns raised or behaviour reflected back, whether quietly and discretely or more formally. Nothing is ever right or good enough and she manages to make every project she's involved with feel like a chore and a trial: I'm so glad I'm not managing her.

She has occasionally formed really toxic 'alliances' with colleagues but I think they generally run scared and abandon any hope of benefiting from engaging with her as it becomes transparent that close association doesn't paint one in a particularly good light.

I see this all the time in work situations. There’s loads of colleagues I haven’t been keen on but been friendly for the sake of being pleasant. I’d probably have drawn the line at going for coffee though.

I generally get on with most people in my office. Of those I don’t particularly like I still smile when I pass, say good morning etc but will try to avoid chatting where possible.
There is one exception who I will not interact with in any way. She is in a completely different department so I would only ever run into her in the kitchen/toilets and then I would make a sharp exit if she came in. She is quite plainly a bully and I will have nothing to do with her.

Thats an impressive ratio to be fair!

I work on the same basis so I can’t say anything direct to them.

Although I do hold a grudge if they have done something to me or one of my friends

I have 2.5 colleagues I have varying levels of dislike for, out of a workforce of over 600.

The 2 I actively loathe I steer well clear of - luckily I rarely have to interact, but when I do, I am nothing but professional and get it over with as fast as possible.

The .5 is a mild irritant. He's a young gobshitey know it all. I put this down to the arrogance of youth, so I tend to kill him with kindness. Unfortunately for me he has just transferred to my local office so I'm going to have it in person as well.

But I have to work with all of them, and you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Being rude to them just to show off my high and mighty principles will only backfire on me, and make it unpleasant for everyone. I operate on a basis that anything I say or do with anyone could be shared with the CEO and act accordingly. Resolutely "telling it like it is" doesn't pay the gas bill at the end of the month.

In that situation (and there are many colleagues i really can’t stand), if I shared an office with them, I would be polite. But I don’t do small talk anyway.

If I don’t have to deal with them, I just tend to ignore them

I have a tricky colleague. She is the most junior member of the team, but one of the oldest. She is always really nice and complimentary of new staff for as long as she can boss them about. As soon as they find their feet and know what they’re doing, she turns on them. I was very hurt when it happened to me but having seen the pattern repeat over and over, it’s water off a duck’s back.

She is also a fantasist to the extent I thought she might be lying about having children until I met one of them as the stories she told about them were just so far fetched. She’s also related to a lot of very influential people, apparently. One of which I know isn’t true as I do actually know that family. I found this very difficult at first as I would question, but now have to take the stance that she is just telling me a story and accept the nonsense. She is easier to deal with this way. I do find it tiring and time consuming though.