To think there’s no coming back from these messages between DH and his colleague?

Well it doesn't mean you do go nosing. But my husband the other day picked up my phone and just used it to do something. There is full trust on both sides. We struggle in a lot of things but we have a policy of full open communication with our devices.

ODFOD means Oh do fuck off dear

Hmm so “I would if I felt like I could handle her”.

So sorry, you don’t deserve this 💐

Omg what a lying bastard he’s telling you what he thinks will help him. He’s a grown man feeling sorry for a women who wants to jump his bones and he can’t say hey that’s in appropriate I’m married. Nah he’s fucking laughing at you I bet he tells her about it and they laugh then say oh must delete our texts from now on. I hope you don’t believe him. You caught him now he’s back peddling because if that was you doing them texts with another man he certainly wouldn’t be happy. He’s basically told her my wife’s boring in bed she lies back whilst I do all the work I need more. You don’t discuss this stuff as part of your daily chit chat.

Well he started it and then his first few lines are encouraging her. Did he have anything to say about that?

Yes, I can see she is someone to feel sorry for . That isn’t confidence, it’s the opposite, it’s try hard and cringey.

She will have bad relationships, the kind of men she will pick up by being so desperate and texting like that are never going to be the good ones.

Sorry this has happened. Personally I'd really struggle to trust someone who could say those thinga about sex life to a colleague.

I can’t get past how thoroughly boring the conversation is on both sides. That has to be least sexy conversation ever. Like a 6 year old has written it ‘and then we can do that and then we can do the other’

Nope. In a committed relationship, you don’t go nosing into people’s stuff.

Oh wow she’s not messing about is she he should hate himself that’s unbelievable and she’s a bitch she might as well said come and get me now. Not sure what you’re going to do op but that’s bad.

in a committed relationship everything is open and shared

I would be less upset that shes "joking" about pegging him and anal and more disgusted he talked about your sex life in such detail and degoritory ways. I wouldnt get over that

She sounds awful. Yuk.

Frankly, i'd be disappointed in his extremely poor taste and instantly go completely off him. Then i'd be cross at the betrayal for a bit, but then i'd realise that i didn't want him anymore anyway so i'd calmly move on.

So people aren’t entitled to any level of privacy?

I have mixed feelings. I don't know what I would do, because part of me agrees. The romance is gone, betrayal is SO unsexy...but on the other hand, you DO hear about couples who have repaired their relationships and been much happier after working through it all.

Actually, forget my previous comment, this one is spot on. Yes if he was bored he could've and should've addressed it with you.

She must know that he has a young child. How can she possibly be OK with potentially breaking up a child's home? That's so awful. She sounds pretty voracious - why can't she man-eat someone who doesn't have dependent children? I mean, not that that would be any better if the person is married, but threatening a kiddie's childhood by your actions is really low. I know he has the main responsibility, but still.

How in the hell are you so blasé? I'd be livid! Hurt? Shocked?

Of course "a line has been crossed" and of course it's "cheating"!!!!

I'm sorry about everything and you finding out the way you did etc.

Despicable!

I won't give advice on what you should do, I don't know your situation, but he'd be gone, gone, gone if it were me.

🤢 Typical bloody man, thinking about nothing but his precious dick. He doesn't complain that you rarely do it, it seems that you have a regular sex life, but even having this - and many married people would kill for a regular sex life - it isn't enough. You have to swing from the rafters too, apparently.

Anyway, apart from the entitlement, those messages are such a betrayal on a psychological level, as well as betraying you with phone sex. He's opened the bubble of intimacy that's supposed to contain just you and him, and let a third party into the most sacred inner chamber of your relationship.

If nothing physical has happened, and if you have reasons to work it out, like kids, it might be salvageable if he's willing to put the work in and admit how wrong he was. And if possible, he should change jobs. He definitely should be interacting with her as little as possible. I'd tell her that you've seen her messages and quote some of them to her. I bet she'd be so embarrassed if she knew you'd seen them.

And don't let him blame you. If he wanted to spice things up and do more positions than missionary, there was nothing stopping him from communicating that to you.

I'm so sorry, OP. 💐

I found similar on my exes fb messenger op. It’s gut wrenching. I’m so sorry. No, there’s no coming back from it. Try to maintain your composure and suggest he packs his stuff and gets out of the house until you’ve had time to process.

He's flattered by the attention. What a stupid stupid man. He's got a wonderful woman and mother to his kids. This is so sad.

I would be seeking couples counselling. It sounds like communication has been off between you for some time and he's found the path of least resistance - a woman who is at a loose end, looking for validation. He's looking for validation too - but the difference is, he's married.

There is a way back from this but you both need support to communicate much much more with each other and state your needs clearly. It's normal to feel frustrated and bored with life when your children are young. That's having young kids but you don't get to have someone play with your little weiner because you can't communicate properly with love, kindness and fairness.

I agree! People can't help but make excuses for pathetic men.

What’s ODFOD mean?
i wouldn’t leave him over this. She pushed it. He didn’t say yes or no. I’d read him the riot act though

Whether or not there is any coming back from this depends on you and whether you want there to be. He has clearly crossed a line in terms of what he has said, but he hasn't done anything physical. Whether that makes a difference, and what conditions you make going forward if you decide to stay together, are up to you.

Mumsnet will overwhelmingly tell you to dump him, so I suspect I'm shouting into the wind.

Gross. Dump him. Sorry he turned out to be a dud