To think there’s no coming back from these messages between DH and his colleague?

It’s over OP , he is a cheater and honestly he showed you so much disrespect in those message it would be impossible to forget . I’m truly sorry

And you bought it!

But other people might share thing with you that are private to them, and they trust you not to blab their private business to your husband. You are not one entity. And plenty of people do discuss things with friends that their husbands shouldn’t know about. Everyone is entitled to a private life.

A committed trusting relationship is not one in which you sit and read each other’s messages.

Would you really though, if he was your husband whom you loved and with whom you had a young child? Maybe you would, but so many people on here say similar replies to posts like this, and I'm really not sure that everyone would react the way they say they would.

This.

He didn't talk to you and share how he felt but shared with his work colleague. What a dick.

I think this is probably how I'd react, too, if it was a first offence and we had a child. I'd be really hurt though.

Oh I have no issue with my husband reading my messages. Worst he will read is me bitching to a friend about some stupid shit he or the kids did.lol Honestly I don't share things with others Im not ok with him not knowing. He is the same. He is the same.

I think it’s one of the signs of an affair that they never leave their phone lying around, don’t have notifications displayed on the screen, flinch if they’ve left it for a minute and someone goes near it etc. it must be exhausting!

Having said all that, someone I know (not by choice) has got caught so many times he now has two phones. So I guess you’d never see the evidence because he keeps it all on a secret phone, the absolute little twat.

this I mean I do squirm when he sees my shopping basket.lol I can't imagine anything else how bloody stressful.

She does sound really vile, doesn't she.

A total betrayal, op, to discuss - or criticise - your sex life with anybody outside of your marriage. How you would come back from that with the wonderful stud you are obviously married to (??) is hard to imagine. For whatever reason/excuse he hs driven a sledgehammer right through the intimate side of your marriage. How you come back from that, if indeed you want to, is hard to imagine. I wish you luck and happiness whatever you decide to do. Personally, for what it's worth, I'd tell him to shove it...she would most certainly be able to tell him where.

Neither would I, if I'd found something. As if checking your spouse's phone because they gave you a reason could compare with what he's done!

Quite apart from the obvious immorality and grossness of having an affair, I can't imagine the stress of needing to keep your partner away from your device the whole time. I don't know how cheaters aren't on tenterhooks 24/7. Sounds 100 percent not worth it to me, even if you were someone who doesn't care about the immoral aspect.

This is the bit for me too. Forgot all the dirty talk from her (she sounds hideous). It's him slating you. That's just hugely disrespectful and for me it would be over.

If you let him get away with this he’ll think he’ll get away with it again and if not caught it will turn into what they’re talking about. Get rid.

Sounds like she's desperate and your H isn't in a good place either. I'd try counselling if you think there's a chance for your relationship. You have a child together and being on your own isn't a walk in the park.

Of course he’s saying that. Because what else is he going to say? What a weasel!

Don't be so silly. Do you think he has schrodinger's phone? By the act of checking it, OP has caused it to contain evidence of her husband's betrayal that he'd otherwise have been innocent of?

The update is even more WTF than the original post!

No, that is different. My partner can use my phone and I can use his, if it’s the closest one. But trusting one another to use our phones for looking something up or ordering take out or whatever also comes hand in hand with trusting one another not to then go into our messages or our emails and start reading them. That is trust both ways.

He can use my phone. He cannot read my messages or emails. If he did that, then trust would be broken and we would be over. I can use his phone, but I cannot sit and read through his messages.

A committed relationship does not equal full and unfettered access to someone’s messages and private conversations with friends and family. That is an abusive relationship.

The OP should not have read his messages. Relationship was over when she did that. But it was also already over, because he is a cheat. His transgression is worse than hers, but the behaviour from both sides shows that this relationship is dead.

You say this is the most upsetting exchange. What did the others say? Do you think it is a emotional affair or he
would have acted on anything? I would be so hurt at the fact he was discussing my sex life with a work colleague. I think if you want to stay together than couples counselling would be a good idea. What is is with these bloody men and their egos. Sorry OP, hope you are ok.

Time to fuck him off.

That would be an abusive relationship. It’s one of the metrics used for abuse. You are describing an abusive controlling relationship.

And I agree with @arethereanyleftatall its not confident, it’s “pick me! I’ll do literally anything”

Eek I still wouldn't be happy. The fact he didn't change subject and encouraged it does not say to me he felt intimidated he is interested and intrigued.