To think there’s no coming back from these messages between DH and his colleague?

I think the OP was spot on when she said this isn't a soap opera . All these pages of people baying for the guys blood and stating with absolute certainty that he'll do it or worse again and the onlyntjing she can possibly do is leave...real life means thinking about the boring reality of splitting up. What that would mean practically, financially, emotionally, the impact on children. ONLY the op can know if this is a stupid, ill-judged glitch in an otherwise good marriage or something worse. None of our experiences have any bearing on it at all. All she needs to do is take stock, talk to HIM and go from there.

I don't know what OODA means but a man that behaves like this isn't worth piss.

I hope she leaves him for dust because he will do this again and it will destroy her mental health.

The only reason OP 'has to' do anything is if that thing is essential to realizing her desired outcome.

@Queens26 has an adult decision to make, possibly the first one in her life, I don't count deciding to get married or have kids or a mortgage, things which are packaged up and safe in modern life, I mean the kind where she will have to cut a piece of herself off and grow. Either side of this decision will have consequences and opportunities that she will be living with long after you and I have moved on to the next trending thread.

I don't hope she does anything except OODA. And go on to have a happy healthy life.

I think it's possible to get over cheating and to forgive it. I don't think it's possible to forgive the conversation, the utter betrayal of him telling another woman about your sex life! It's so disrespectful.

Am not buying the 'intimidated' line though. And if it was true - urgh! What a catch he is!

Pair of pigs

Exactly. You would be expected either become Anais Nin or stick with the mish.

It's all on the OP of course! Women put up with some shit.

Why does she have to do anything? He's the one who has cheated.

It's not women's job to fix men.

This is on him and nobody else.

I hope she kicks his skanky arse out.

Absolutely OP..sometimes it is wise just to let things carry on and let time pass and see how it goes. You don't want to rip a whole marriage and life apart because DH has been awful. What he said and did was horrific btw - talking like that and talking about you like that 🤬) absolutely unacceptable.
However life is a long game and maybe just let him be him for a bit longer and see which way the wind is blowing. Always have plans on how to leave it you need to. Maybe this will be a wake up call for him. Maybe it's just how he's gonna live.
Just thoughts. And LTB straight away, in the middle of high emotions, is not ideal. Let the dust settle and watch and make plans in calm.

What am I even reading, who says slapper. What’s this rhe 1950s`? Good god. Have we not moved away from these dated misogynistic terms. And why let he4 know, why would the woman even give a shit.

Him not owning this is worse than the texts themselves. As others have said you will never unread what you’ve read and he can’t take back this opinion of your sex life. I’d never feel comfortable and trust in his presence let alone in bed together.but on top to feed you a load of bull to try and justify his messages to her. Stupid idiot.

She is a slapper chasing after a married man and he is an idiot for encouraging her. He has really abused your trust and you will need to have proper discussions. First is a block on her number. I personally would let her know I read the messages and have a copy of them, she is well after your man. But he is the worst for going along with it all, talking about ur private life and saying deeply hurtful things about you to her. He is taking the piss big time and I would kick him out.

"I'm scared of her so we sexted about butt sex "

Paraphrasing. On what planet does that fly? 🛸 How did you not laugh at that 🤡

I know right? So intimidated that he chose her to blab to about how boring he finds sex with the OP, and suggest the sort of thing he might like instead. All because he was intimidated you understand. Oh and he feels sorry for her at the same time as feeling intimidated. What a crock of utter BS.

This!

Seriously?
OP isnt the one planning a bum-party with a colleague.

OP’s dh is such a bullshitter . He was intimidated.., yeah right.
Op’s dh has made their intimacy public , now she will be left feeling like she has to perform like a Cirque du Soleil acrobat instead of feeling safe with her husband .
Op, your husband is a lying asshole .. excuse the pun

Well he's made his sex life even more boring for himself now as you surely can't ever have sex with him after this! He'll be wishing for missionary rather than getting none.
Sorry Queens, not laughing at your situation but he really has caused this situation by going along with it and then lying and putting the blame on her for leading him on - what a complete turn off for you.

As a previous poster said, you will always have this on your mind when it comes to sex and will feel self conscious through no fault of your own.
He's ruined that side of your relationship without even having sex with someone else, this is enough of a betrayal.

This has made me laugh.
Keep hearing it in my head in the voice of Private Frazer from Dad's Army.

OP's dh is very much a stupid boy, too. 😁

How the hell did she misjudge his friendliness when he was telling her you had a boring sex life??

He could have spoke to you and said that since you had given birth he feels you’ve both been taking each other for granted. That he wants to go out on dates and feel as close as you used to be and add some excitement into your sex life! Or he could have said I feel our sex life has become another chore which is normal when you have young children but I miss our closeness and would like to experiment in the bedroom to add some spice.

He should not be putting all the blame on his colleague and bleating about being a victim of sexual harassment! He needs to man up, admit he is in the wrong and asking you to forgive him for discussing you in such derogatory terms. Then he needs to realise a tweak of the nipple, a touch down there to check you are wet and a five second hump doesn’t do it for you. He needs to make the effort too and not expect you to make all the effort!
If I were you I’d dress up as a sexy nurse with nine inch heels, ruby red lips, undress him, get him to bend over and stick a huge dildo up his bum and ask if the chilli you had smeared on the tip of dildo was enough spice for today!

By talking with him, asking him why he did it, etc. None of it matters. You read it and decided that there was no going back so what you really should be talking about is how the separation is going to work.

By not doing that, it indicates that you are going to accept what he's done and carry on as you were.

See this is the sort of advice that pisses me off.
70% of men cheat for sexual variety - according to the psychologist David Buss.
70%!! Now OK that's not all men but it is the majority!

Generally speaking, men's happiness with their primary relationship has not much to do with whether or not they cheat.

The good news is that us women can be free of blaming ourselves, the bad news is that it's out of our control so all the frigging sexy underwear and date nights, therapy etc make no flipping difference.

The OP has a difficult decision to make: put up with him humiliating her as long as they both live or separate.

I wouldn't judge her on either.

It sounds like you are going to just accept what he's done and carry on then OP. Even though you said there was no coming back from it?

In my experience, it’s never the same after you find messages like this.

Well that’s a well argued point 🤣