To think there’s no coming back from these messages between DH and his colleague?

oh don’t be ridiculous

I’m sorry OP. For me this is and emotional affair. I wouldn’t dream talking/complaining about my sex life with anyone other than my partner. It’s a violation of your privacy and I would find it something difficult to overcome. A simple I’m sorry I feel terrible wouldn’t quite do it.

ODFOD there’s always one …

No. There's no coming back.

That would be the end for me. I couldn't tolerate what feels like a massively disrespectful betrayal. Instead of trying to improve your sex life he has whinged about it (and you) to another woman for grubby little kicks. And laughed when she has sneered at you for being tame.

Hmmmm...he's definitely crossed a line discussing your sex life. It's bad enough he's done that but worse as its a woman (because sometimes men discuss this qith their mates, not that its right and my dh doesn't as far as I know)and even worse than that what's she's offering however doesn't look like he's going to take her up in it. I would take it as an opportunity to discuss your sex life with him. I'm prepared to get slated on here for saying that. She sounds like an opportunist.

Tbh, I’d wonder if there have been other women before this. Has he visited escorts, that sort of thing. I’m very sorry OP. You should maybe consider an STD check as well.

If it’s any consolation, most men have their brains in their trousers. When it comes to sex, I trust very, very few men.

She is the one coming on pretty strong and he isn’t really responding, to be honest.

But he shouldn’t be talking about your sex life with a female colleague, it’s massively inappropriate.

The unwritten rules of life are - don’t check your partners phone BUT if you do and you find something incriminating then you’re absolved of the snooping. Fact.

But all crimes are relative to the circumstances in the eyes of UK law. There's a distinction between murder and manslaughter for example, and mitigating circumstances are considered in almost any trial. So if you take that as a balanced measure, I would suggest that a married man talking to a another woman about anal sex and discussing he and his wife's sex life is a greater crime than his wife looking at his phone. And in mitigation she had every good reason to suspect his potential infidelity, which could significantly affect her and her child's futures and wellbeing. I have no doubt that her "crime" would be dismissed on all counts.

This! Its definitely not ideal but she is leading the way and I dont read those messages and think he's up for it with her at all.

How I moved forward would depend on the other messages and how he deals with contact with her from now on

bloody good job she did. If she hadn’t she wouldn’t have known her husband & his colleague are exchanging sexual fantasies.

Sorry Op. I don’t know how you’d trust him after that.

There’s no coming back from that. Even if you tried to move past it, you would always remember and it would stay in the back of your mind, every work night out, every time you’re going through a phase of missionary etc. you need to get rid of him.

He’s a bloody idiot. But yes, she is pushing it and he is (stupidly) responding. He needs to find a new job.

Apart from making himself unfuckable, even if you did have sex with the man again, you know he goes around telling random people what position etc. you do.

Acting like he was upset at his gross misconduct texts getting caught is just pathetic.

This is him 'trying to make things work'? 🤢

I sort of see this side, she was leading the messages although he wasn’t shutting her down and encouraged it with the “I’m all ears” comment.

It’s definitely not appropriate for someone in a relationship though and if nothing else it shows he is clearly speaking to her about your sex life which would be a big issue for me too. I’m not someone who thinks you absolutely can never talk about sex life issues with friends, I’ve confided in friends before and they have me, I’m sure my husband has at some point, but for him to do it with this woman who clearly would be all too happy to step in crosses a line.

He didnt reply asking her exactly wtf she thought she was doing talking to him in that way either though, did he?

Your relationship is over. To talk like that about you to a colleague is totally out of line, because it wasn’t confiding in a close friend, it was inciting flirting and he knew what he was doing and absolutely went along with it. And she sounds disgusting, desperately trying to be a cool girl and just comes off as thirsty. If that’s who he would go behind your back with then he is just as desperate and deluded, and totally not worth your time or effort, love or forgiveness. It’s over.

She started and led the convo and he was wrong to go along with it and make the comments he made but he didn't sound as if he was into her suggestions.

I don't think id end my marriage over this to be honest but id be reading him the riot act and it would be a final warning. Ask him to look for a new job and I'd also be addressing our sex life.

Yeah he is being unfaithful emotionally. I couldn't forgive these messages.

She proved her instincts right, not like she’s been monitoring it. Hardly an equal offence.

OP, the sharing of details of your sex life is such a violation.

@Miranda65 what? Way to victim blame! So she can just sit at home with her husband cheating - its not as if he was planning to admit it!

Absolutely way over the line and I'd be gone instantly

I’m so sorry OP. I don’t think I could come back from that either. You’re the mother of his child and he is complaining to a colleague that you’re not providing him with the specific kind of sex he likes, all the while he’s moving closer to an affair. You deserve so much better, his behaviour is so shitty.

Ummm....yea no going back from that at all im afraid. Sorry op.

So what you checked his phone, he gave you reason to and your instinct was spot on. Id absolutely own the snooping and wouldnt have a shred of guilt or feel bad in the slightest about doing it 👍