To think there’s no coming back from these messages between DH and his colleague?

I can’t help but think a line has been crossed, I am sure they haven’t done anything physical but for me messages that extreme have to be deemed cheating?

Of course it's cheating, he's having sexual interactions with another woman behind your back. Doesn't matter if it's physical, it's him giving his time and attention to her whilst bemoaning his life with you.

Awful OP, just horrendous. That would be it for me, I would not be interested in being with a person like that. Just so disrespectful. Where's the care, where's the love, where's the protectiveness you expect from a partner.

You don't need his permission to end it. You can just say, this isn't for me, I don't want this, let's talk about separation.

What a stupid little man. Hope his sordid little 'fantasy' chat was worth it.

Why are you blaming her?

He is the one in a relationship with OP.
He is the one trying to have sex with other women.
He is the one telling her about his and OPs sex life.

She is irrelevant in this as if it wasn’t her, then it would be a different woman.
She didn’t force him into this.

You are completely dismissing his part in this.
He is the only one in the wrong when it comes to OP.

I agree with you OP. Regardless of whether he's having a physical affair, the betraying of intimate details about your sexual relationship with him would be enough for me to be done with it. So sorry.

Of course there is no coming back from this.

This isn’t some random woman (which would be bad enough), this is someone who he very much planned to have sex with if you hadn’t seen the messages.

He may not have physically cheated with her yet but only because you ruined his plan.

The fact that he discussed and insulted you to her and shared the most private part of the relationship is one of the worst things anyone can do.

What an absolute idiot he has been.

She is a predator and is playing with him with all the hardcore/tame sexual education she thinks she is giving him. She needs to prove to herself she is still attractive to younger men so she uses the shock tactic to get his attention.

When he says “sounds scary haha” I think he actually probably could have been a bit scared OP. The only thing that saved him was that it was a message and not face to face.
I bet he would have run a mile from all that up-front ‘experience’ that she boasts about if they had been talking face to face in the office.

She made it a safe sort of thrill for him, and he convinced himself it wasn’t cheating.
He fell for the shameless, lewd chat like a teenage school boy.
What a fool he has been.

Very hard for you to get over the betrayal, especially as he will resist seeing it as such.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be the end though OP. He could change his job and show willing to get professional help to guide you both through this massive marriage obstacle, especially if you have children together.

It would entirely depend on his demeanour over a period of time and his initiative in wanting to try to put things right, for me to believe all the hard work and heart ache would be worth it.

Follow your instincts OP. Good luck! I’m sorry you are going through this.

That’s definitely crossing a line, in my opinion. I’d be asking for a divorce.
It’s the typical “my wife doesn’t understand me”. “My wife doesn’t want sex”. “My wife is boring in the bedroom”.
This conversation hasn’t come from nowhere. Just imagine what they talk about face to face!
If you do decide to forgive him, there’s a high possibility he will do it again.

No there really isn't fault on both sides. Checking someone's phone is in no way comparable to what he's done.

He's horrible.

Ew

That would be a marriage ender for me

the line is a vanishing speck in the far distance OP

Divorce. He has absolutely no respect for you or your relationship. Prick

If hes prepared to exchange filthy messages with a woman that disgusting, he doesn't deserve you! How can you ever trust him after that !

Utterly grim I don’t say this often but LTB

I couldn’t come back from this.

She sounds desperate and is clearly telling him she’s open to it, and he isn’t shutting it down but the worst thing of all is that he is complaining about you and your sex life to someone he knows would be up for a shag.

Where is his loyalty to you? How dare he put you down like that?

Not too embarassed though to be telling a work colleague hed like a more exciting sex life and his wife doesn't like a penis up her bum hole.

I think hes just been cautious about what hes messaging back, especially if its a work phone or on Teams. Hes been flirty enough to have her continue because it made him tingly no doubt but potentially has mitigation if someone very gullible saw them or if it goes sour and she shares the messages with others.

If he thought she was coming on too strong and he didnt like it he had a multitude of ways of getting out of it. He didn't though.

Way, way past any lines of appropriateness on the part of your DH.

And oh dear, what a revolting tart she is.

Oh stop rolling out this crap. These are not on the same level

Those messages would mean game over for my marriage if it was me, I could never trust someone again after texting stuff like that.

I’m so sorry OP. This is WAY over the line.

Jesus Christ. There is no coming back from that. Who the hell speaks to a colleague like this???!!! I think I’d die and be swallowed up by a hole in the earth.

best of luck op. He is not your partner xxx

It actually is the older woman from x department in this case. Shock.

Ask him how he thinks sex talk and sexting with his co-worker is him working on the issues in your marriage?

She's chasing him hard and he's not shutting her down, he's encouraging it. He enjoys her stroking his ego. He's the kind of man who cheats behind your back and he shit talks you to other women and shares what you do sexually.

The trust would be gone and the disrespect he shows towards you, I'd be done.

He sounds like the kind of guy that puts in little effort unless he's forced to and that includes your marriage.

A line has definitely been crossed - hideous

but it seems if you can trust going forward

the worst bit for me is slagging you off to a colleague - he’s supposed to be your number one fan - I’d feel so let down

That’s a pretty heavy and explicit conversation between opposite sex colleagues! 😮

Not sure how you can continue after that exchange, unfortunately.