To think there’s no coming back from these messages between DH and his colleague?

Yes I'd slate you for saying that. Is the OP supposed to be grateful to her lousy husband and disgusting colleague?

I've had a similar situation with a friend discussing me with her male friends and I can't forgive or trust her again. How much worse is it if it's your husband?

Hi you might want to start a separate thread so that your post doesn’t get lost in the replies

You need to start your own thread then people can advise you.

You don't need his permission to escape this waste of a life, btw.

I agree with this. Of course he’s crossed a line and fucked up majorly and you must be really hurt. However, she seems to be leading the chat, he doesn’t really seem that interested tbh. To me, he looks like someone who’s unhappy with his sex life and wants to talk to someone about how he feels (still doesn’t make this ok of course) but I’d possibly be inclined to believe him about the fantasy. I’m not sure he’d actually have taken it further. She, on the other hand looks like a total nympho who couldn’t give a shit about how he feels about his relationship and just wants to fuck him. Obviously he’s still at fault here but if this is the first time he’s done anything like this and your relationship is good otherwise, this wouldn’t be an automatic dealbreaker for me. He’d have to work really, really hard to earn my trust back and he’d need to understand that sex when you have a young child isn’t always going to be exciting. But if he tried hard and we communicated well, not just about the texts, but also about how you both feel about your sex life, then I’d consider giving him a second and last chance. Good luck, whatever you decide

Maybe he thought she meant recipes

I think thats overstepping. You can say that for you it would be over and why, but there are no absolutes here. Let's not railroad the OP into feeling like she has to do something she may not want to after calm reflection and discussion with her husband.

I think other posters have summed it up quite well. Not surprised he’s been called from a pig to a dog, 🗣️ you do not deserve this at all.
Please try to gather support around you in real life. You’re going to need people you trust to talk this through with, don’t bottle it all up or try to carry it on your own. Your child needs their mum, and you need proper care and support too.
Keep reaching out, both to people around you and here. We’re here for you, and you don’t have to face this alone.💝💐

C: I am always up for trying different things
H: I am all ears haha

This doesnt.read as batting her away or shutting it down

Or was this batting her away? ": Yeah I think I’d get punched if I suggested that at home haha"

The "At home" seems an odd addition. Like its a no at home but I bet with you it wouldnt be. Id bet he set her reply up deliberately.

I'm not a fan of cheating, but there's something particularly disdainful about casting your partner as competitor in disgusting exchanges. That would be worse for me than the actual cheating 😡.
I'm sorry your husband has behaved so pathetically, @Queens26 .

Been with my husband 30 years children grown up & left home. Our marriage is over no intamacy for 10 years not even kissing. I have spoken to him about putting the house up for sale no mortgage & going our separate ways & splitting the money husband refuses as he loves the house but he wont buy me out. Has anyone had experience of this or advice I am desparate to leave him he is mentally abusive . He said he will trash the house before he leaves it. What should I do?

Ah so he eas also batting her away when hed obviously been moaning about shagging his wife in the missionary position and finding it boring? Or during the other chats they'd obviously had? Or was it when he said he was all ears to her suggestions? Maybe when he carried on the conversation instead of shutting it down? Or when he sent sweating emojis when this woman talked about facesitting?

If its a work phone/Teams and hes not completely stupid id 100% expect the chat to look exactly like that. As I said earlier, it could give very very slight doubt to someone gullible if they ever got out there, but they are still enough to keep the chat going.

There’s nothing wrong with looking at your other half’s phone….because there should be nothing on there! We have open phone policy and that’s normal.

She mentions anal & he immediately mentions his wife…

this reads more like a man who likes the idea of fixing his problems by cheating but probably is unlikely to go through it. If he wanted to do things with her that chat would not have looked like that

I’d also call her out and shame her for it. Destroy her reputation. She knows what she’s doing.

my marriage would not survive this.

I would know my dh was well within his rights to divorce me if I did that to him and vice versa.

I'd also highlight this isnt just one thing

He betrayed yout trust horribly by sharing intimate details of your sex life and marriage.
He is flirting with another woman.
He is badmouthing you.
He is actively looking to cheat.
He is doing it all with a work colleague .

Fuck that. Leave him.

My ex cheated on me twice (25 at the time). First time with a woman my age, the second with an older, unattractive one. That time kicked my gut twice as hard. It will destroy your self esteem if you stay.

She sounds utterly disgusting (of course he does too). Let her enjoy your sloppy seconds.

Oh he got upset? What a selfish wanker, making himself the victim after being so disloyal to you.

Also, his grammar is shit.

LTB.

He has ceased to be in a partnership with you I am afraid. To discuss your sex life in a negative way with another woman is a step too far.

I agree with this, he should have shut her down and didn't and that's a problem. It sounds from the OP like it's escalating and the only saving grace is that nothing physical has happened.

He's not a little boy with big wide eyes though.

This is a follow up to another conversation - it's not a one off and they are probably discussing in real life at work
I couldn't deal with this - not with them spending so much time together, chatting like this, at work every day

Having a friend to talk over relationship and sex issues, isn't a problem as such. However, what you have here is your husband having a moan about the lack of excitement in the bedroom and his 'friend' trying very hard to make out that she's a sexual goddess in the bedroom, to entice him. She wants him to know that she's full of excitement, and therefore exactly what he needs because she's older and experienced!! 🙄

Your husband must realise that she's offering herself up as dessert, he surely can't be that oblivious??? He should never have discussed your relationship with her or sex life to start with. As soon as the 'I'm a cougar on the prowl' came out, he should have shut her down, firmly but I rather think he was enjoying the attention.

He's actively speaking to another woman disparagingly about his wife and his sex life with his wife. That's not batting anyone away.

Gross. That would be it for me.

He's over the line and then some