To think there’s no coming back from these messages between DH and his colleague?

You'd think, but that contract breaks down when one person treats another indecently. Then they've forfeited their right to receive decent treatment.

No, I think everyone should be decent to everyone else. Otherwise, you act INdecently to anyone who isn't you or a loved one, and that's not OK, in my book, considering we all have to live together in a society.

You and I think alike! My thoughts exactly.

And following on from that, I would demand answers from him about who else he has confided in about OP’s sexual shortcomings. What about his closest friends? Other mates at work? Brother? If not them, why not? Why her? If he has spread it round all and sundry, well that’s terrible. But if he hasn’t, well….

I wouldn’t rest until he gave me answers to those questions. Make him squirm. If it were me I can’t see how there could be a way back.

If this woman has a commanding presence, and comes across as dominant, why did your husband choose this woman to off-load his woes too??? No matter what he might say, she didn't put a gun to his head and force him to tell her details of his sex life! He chose to do that. If he found her 'intimidating' then surely she'd be the last person on planet earth to confide in??!!!!

This was over text messages, it wasn't in person, he could have very easily shut the conversation down! Again, he chose not too! What did he think she was doing to do, if he didn't compile??? Unless she's more senior at work than him, and could have caused issues, then his reasons are excuses.

He didn't shut the conversation down, because he was enjoying the attention!

Marriage counselling only works to iron out misunderstandings not treacherous behaviour like this.

It is treachery.
I would see a discreet one night stand that my dh had on a trip away with a stranger ^that I had to do some serious digging to discover' as more forgivable than this.

What's this chump worth anyway as a dh?
He sounds like he's not going to be able to step up in a crisis.
Weak as dishwater.
He's not an otherwise extremely competent man who has a 'what goes on tour' attitude, he shits on his own doorstep with a colleague.

The OP should maybe not take immediate action but she should start quietly lining up those ducks.
It's over. Clearly it is. She will ruminate forever on those words.

I'm genuinely not one to say ltb either.

Or she remains under the same roof or they separate, either way it's over.

He's no loss. I know the type.

Weak, never takes responsibility, generally useless and not that much of a hit with women either so when one comes along they're not able to contain themselves.

Are you Fucking serious ?
checking phone same as describing wife as dull in bed, giving and receiving anal sex with a colleague!!!! Glue pot’s empty then. !

Nope. I’m saying she can’t change the past. She can change the future. Her husband was a fool. She can let one incident destroy their marriage or she can demand he works on being a better husband by attending marriage counselling.

'I don’t blame women that get sexually abused because it was “both their fault” it went to far, as she was wearing a shirt skirt etc.'

Who on earth has said that?! I've no idea why you're bringing abuse into this.

It is the op's dh's fault for not shutting down this desperate woman's attention seeking creepy messages. I also think the 'I love anal sex me!' is at fault too. She maybe needs a hobby and some friends.

No the man is the one at fault in the OPs world, which is all that is relevant here.

I would not give a shiny shit what another woman said to my DH, it’s his response or decision to continue the conversation about his boring sex life blah blah that is my issue! He’s 100% in the wrong and should’ve blocked her immediately! But then I don’t blame women that get sexually abused because it was “both their fault” it went to far, as she was wearing a shirt skirt etc.

I think we owe ourselves and those we love decency.

Don't we all owe ourselves and others decency, what with being human

I didn't say the creepy woman owed the op anything, i said they're both at fault.

She clearly has no self esteem and needs to show off to married men about her bumhole for some attention, it's a bit pathetic, no?

For the trillionth time the married man of course should have told her to stfu, he didn't though and the op has to decide whether to give him another chance or not. All depends if he's remorseful and has blocked her or if the op has more concerns and if this is the last straw.

The woman owes the OP nothing, she doesn’t even know her. The man owes her everything, he is her issue not the woman, not the anal sex blah blah! It’s his fault no excuses.

I said I blame them both. But again, as you don't seem to have read my post properly, only the op knows if this is a one off or if he is a sleazeball and he has form for it.

So ther fact he was giving it I’m all ears, tell me more, I’m so bored etc, is irrelevant.

im guessing you always blame the woman.

I'm not married to a man I bullied into it <wtf>. I do however blame this creepy woman texting married men about anal sex as much as I blame the wet dh for going along with it.

It all depends if the op thinks this was a one off and he was just stupid, all a bit of an ego boost for him or if he has form and if this is who he is.

Ageee, I often wonder if posters who blame the woman like this are maybe married to men they bullied into it, as I can’t think if another reason rhey seem ri beleive men just do as they are told and have no control over their own Actions.

Shame her DH couldn’t focus on his marriage and stop answering her? It’s almost like you’re saying he didn’t have a choice.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about whether you can rescue your marriage. Maybe you don’t want to, but on the back of the information you provided when I wrote yesterday, it looked salvageable.

I find it odd that you seemingly can’t see that she was driving that conversation into territory that your husband wasn’t wholly comfortable in. She clearly doesn’t care about your marriage and she has no reason to, so blame is irrelevant to her. She can shrug and walk away, her life unchanged, while you pick up the pieces of a shattered shared life and a broken marriage, all for the sake of a few messages. That’s why I suggest you focus on your marriage together and not in her.

This was the situation with my H she was desperate and predatory and he chose to go along with it after initially not doing and then it got worse. Unfortunately these types of women are out there but its what the H chooses to do instead of cutting it off. If my H had done this i wouldnt be where i am now with our situation. Sending hugs OP. Its awful and so disrespectful. Sorry your going through it xx🫂🫂

Observe, Orientate, Decide, Act

He hasn't owned up to enjoying the chat though has he? Which he clearly did. Men don't do stuff they don't want to do. He's in complete denial and making excuses. It is not ok to slag off your sexual performance to another woman, you'll be imagining him rating your performance next time, if there is a next time, and commenting on it to her. That will wreck your sex life. Will you feel pressured to do stuff you're not interested in, to keep up with the fantasy woman?
She is clearly desperate for attention and leading him on, but there are a lot of them out there, would he do it again? Why not, if he can get away with it. How can you trust him if he isn't honest with you.

🤣🤣🤣 Doesn't she just!

That's totally fair, however, I would also say that it's equally fair to say that I would also not be starting a thread on here about it, either have I had that view, especially the details of the conversation - which are very detailed.

Sometimes people just don't here what they want to hear and disregard sensible advice and take a 'what's it got to do with you' attitude'.

Maybe she wanted to hear, 'oh it's not that bad, let it go.'

It's pretty clear that this guy is a piece of shit, and the majority here, who are perhaps representative of different personalities, agree-what she does with this information is of course entirely up to her.

As others have pointed out, the discussing of very personal details with a stranger would be a deal breaker. More so perhaps than a ONS with a stranger.

Read your first paragraph before tearing into someone else’s grammar.

😂