To think it would be almost impossible to work FT as a single mum?

Single parent 100% of the time. Changed career when daughter was about 3 and have always worked full time. Wouldn’t be able to afford rent/food/clubs otherwise! Gets so much easier after primary when they’re more independent with travel but breakfast club and after school care are your friend. And if you parents or anyone else can do a few drop offs or pick ups - or even if they are just around in case of a commute disaster (I’ve been there!) that’s a massive weight off.
I would agree with others who say career also needs to be looked at as an investment - I’ve massively valued the ability to step up into promotions as she’s got older. Think about your pension too - the cumulative impact could be huge.

I'm a single Mum to 3 children aged 9-15, one with additional needs. I work in a school and work full time in term time and then have to work three weeks of the school holidays.

Term time I rely on breakfast club and after school club for my youngest. Luckily I live near work and the children's schools so that makes things a little easier. In the holidays I use holiday clubs, my Mum will help when she can too and the oldest will be on his own or meet up with friends.

It's hard work, I'm constantly exhausted, the house is always a mess but I had to go full time to get a mortgage to buy a home for us after the kids Dad and I got divorced. I managed to get a mortgage which took into account my wages, the top up I get from universal credit and child maintenance and the kids are very settled now. I would love to reduce my hours slightly but just can't afford to now I have the mortgage. Once the kids have left school my financial situation will change for the worse and I'll have to sell and downsize.

I'd Ideally like to work from home to give me a bit more flexibility and make it easier if the kids are off school I'll etc as my current employer isn't very understanding but I've been there a good few years so at least it is a secure job and pays the bills.

Off course, you can work full time, I went back pt when dc was 6 months and ft at 9 months. Think in advance about childcare, I had an excellent childminder who I paid a monthly flat rate which covered inset days and holidays as well as aftershool ( used breakfast club too), however this came after building up a relationship which included me paying her while dc was at state nursery as that was 1/2 days.
You appear to have better support than I did ( all GPs dead , dc father limited contact including none for a few years and dying while dc still at primary)
It is tricky at first but totally doable and I am glad when I look at my pension and the future, however if I didn't have a mortgage/pension / career type job, I am not convinced that I would have worked ft when dc were little.

You’ll soon be past the stage when childcare sucks up every last spare penny and then you’ll be glad you kept a hand in work.

I think people fork out for an au pair in truth, when they work hours outside of nursery/afterschool club hours anyway. This would be an issue for me if DH and I ever separated. I leave early in the morning to commute (1.5 hr commute on average) and get home fairly late as a result of the commute too. I wouldn’t be able to make it work without an au pair or maybe flexible childminder if they exist…

I know this is hard to hear but you need to throw everything you can at your career now. It’s the finances which is a constraining factor, the more you earn the more money you have to throw at the issues you talk about.

I say this as a completely lone parent of many years with no child support. I had a live in nanny, which left me with pretty much nothing after bills but I got to focus on my career and was able to commit to it. You need to find a solution unfortunately.

Lone parent here too, no family support. Always worked full time as can’t afford not to. I’m not a high earner (nhs ward manager level) but don’t qualify for benefits except child benefit. It’s bloody hard. I work as flexibly as my employer will allow, all my annual leave is for childcare, use holiday clubs when I have to.

it’s doable op just hard & it’s not a life I would have chosen for myself.

I did 4 days a week from my being 21 months and 4. They did see their Dad on a Weds and Sunday tho and I had flexible working in a rather local job. I outgrew the job but stayed years as it allowed me to be Mum first, we were all pretty good at mucking in and supporting, covering each other.

Fast forward to now and I have another 3 year old too. Back to being single and I work self employed so can squeeze in work on an eve or weekend if I need to.

I've never had any single parent colleagues or friends who work full time with primary age children. The one who does only increased to FT when their only child started secondary school, even then their child had weekends with their Dad.

I'm still 3 days a week and my youngest is at college. They need a lot of support and all the years struggling has given me some delightful bowel related health issues. I get universal credit to top things up.

I was a lone parent with no support and always worked full time sometimes up to 3 hours from home, used the same childcare as other parents, nursery and then childminders.

It can be done, but it is difficult and tiring. My 3 children were 2, 4 and 7 when I started my nurse training. Some weeks were fine, when I was at uni. Other times I had a 40 hour week for months, working shifts and nights. All unpaid ☹️
I had a fabulous childminder, sometimes dropping the children off at 6am as I had to be on the ward at 7, and my dad helped out a lot. I was very lucky.

I am so glad I made it work. I have a great career, and my (now teen/20s) children have a great work ethic. I do look back and think how on earth did I do that though 😂😂

Not impossible, but it is difficult as I know all too well as a lone parent.

I have to have flexibility with work regarding when I leave to make after school club on some nights, but I've worked at the same place pre DC and had already established myself by the time flex was needed - I couldn't walk into a new job on those terms. My job isn't stressful, I keep an eye on my phone in the evening but rarely have to log back in for anything unless it's a real emergency, which happens a couple of times a year at most. I do find it brain numbingly boring now, but I'm not in a position to find a more challening role right now.

And yes, I do find it insulting that people suggest not being able to make all your child's needs - speak for yourself!

Single parent here and have been most of my working life.

It's absolutely doable, but definitely not easy. I have no family here and my friends don't live in my area.

I teach, so holidays were never a concern (other than the odd week which didn't overlap when I worked in a different county to the one my kids went to school in).
Between nurseries and childminders, I found the latter far better for childcare. More reliable, more common sense (wouldn't call me out of work for a single loose nappy, for example - the nursery was terrible for that) and usually a bunch of them trading kids between each other to cover holidays. Also, better opening times - I can drop mine off at 7am and collect at 6pm, and more flexible in that I could pay extra to cover parents' evenings.

I currently use a mixture of childminder for the morning and after school club (which closes at 6, or 5pm on a Friday).

I am now a high earner and in middle management, so receive no help, but worked my way up there. When I started teaching, my salary was low enough to receive tax credits, which would cover most of the childcare fees. It was really tough around 30k when this suddenly dropped off a cliff edge, and started getting better again as the kids got older and needed less childcare. Now it's only the youngest, and they're at school, so wraparound care is around 400 a month, which is doable.

Money has always been tight, so we don't live in luxury, but I earn enough to have been able to buy a (shitty and cheap ex council) house. I drive a 20 year old car which does its job.

I cook from scratch most days. The house is looked after, but never in a way that I'd be able to invite a friend in without having to do a huge clean and tidy beforehand. I still have hobbies, but they take a backseat until the holidays arrive.

And so we get by.

Lone parent to 3 kids. Always worked FT (had to as no child support) mix of strategic holidays, clubs, some family help with pick ups / drop offs , swaps of child care with friends, wrap around child care. It was tough, but manageable. Worked about a mile from home. Could not have done it with a big commute.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn so how is everyone affording nursery & wraparound care?

Another single parent of a toddler here (very minimal family support).Yes to all the above. Wrap around care and holiday clubs are the way to go. It's very common amongst parents now, even if they aren't single parents. It does help if you have a workplace that is a bit more understanding too.

It's great you have family to help a bit and are financially OK. In your shoes, I'm not sure I would want to work full time unless I needed to save for something.

Managed it for years with 2 DCs. Father nowhere in sight, parents lived in another country. Commute 1.5 hours. It was hard and I don’t look back on those days of bolting up and down the stairs of the tube station to get the train on time with any fondness. Luckily my childminder was absolutely wonderful and i had a lot of goodwill at work. Well, part was luck and part was down to me really nurturing those relationships. Things evolved, the kids got older, I wfh a lot more now and the commute to the office is much shorter so it can and does get better.

You can’t claim anything if you earn over around £25k, I don’t call that being a high earner!

Yes she will be as soon as she moves out of parents unless she is a high earner

The only suggestion here is to tag team with another parent and take turns with after school care

im happy doing 3.5 days with my toddler, if i worked full time i would be over paying tax for that last day as id then be a higher rate payer and id get no help for the extra nursery days so id be working for about £25 a day. Id prefer to spend that precious time with my son.

It’s hard but can be done. I had no choice. Work full time or lose my house! Nursery from 7.30am-6pm and then wrap around care when DD went to school.

I did it with 2; solo parent with a 7 year old and newborn as he left in early pregnancy. No family nearby, ex didn’t see kids or financially support them so no choice but to work FT.
it nearly broke me in some ways but was amazing in others. Financially it was a disaster when they were little with wrap around care and nursery but years later my pension is way healthier than lots of my peers!

Loving all the assumptions that after school clubs and holiday clubs are an option for everyone. There aren't any here. DS's primary school is shut by 4 and during the holidays. The council runs some holiday activities but they are typically something like 10 till 2 and for children on FSM so no use to working parents. Any childminder who you'd send your child to will have a waiting list. It's so so hard for lone parents with no back up, the fact that you can get help with childcare costs is irrelevant when there are no places. That said, I hope your plans work out and all goes well.

I work full-time as a single mother and always have done.

It’s hard, and was especially hard when my youngest was very young.

I think what you need are - cast iron childcare, backups for that childcare, the ability to work from home a couple of times a week, not too long a commute for in person days - spending more to live nearer to work if necessary, an understanding workplace when you need to make up time at unusual times of day.

Tbh it’s very hard - very hard to keep yourself healthy too.