AIBU to feel foolish for not noticing my husband's affair?

So sorry to hear this, Do not feel foolish for trusting your husband and someone else you knew fairly well, it is not your fault they are unfortunately two people that are deceitful with very low morals as others have said!

Wow that’s awful, what a bloody pair!
How could she sit there having a drink with you 😡.

Shocking behaviour and no reason to feel foolish OP, you wouldn’t expect him to behave so appallingly.

You trusted your husband, which is not unreasonable at all. I'm so sorry xxx

Of course you're not stupid. You're just unfortunate that not only is your husband a cheat, but he's a particularly ruthless and conscienceless cheat, prepared to go to great lengths to hide in plain sight.
He cynically engineered the situation to mininimise the chances you'd become suspicious by hiding the affair behind a friendship and including you in that friendship to reduce the risk of suspicion even further.
There was no reason for you to suspect. He made sure of that on every level.
I'm sorry for you, because you have experienced the worst sort of cheat. The premeditated, skilled liar able to put on a convincing act when you're in the presence of the AP, prepared to allow the AP to breech the boundaries of his marriage and family to facilitate his affair. He's despicable, and most people don't stand a chance when these types set out to fool them.

no you aren’t foolish, you trusted him and he was a cock.

Don’t let it define you though, do whatever you need to now, but keep the relationship open as much as you need to coparent. That’s kind of a priority in the long term. And let yourself trust other people again….that might take time, but you have to.

I put YABU because you are being unreasonable to criticise yourself for not realising. You trusted him and he abused that trust. That’s on him, not you in any way.

OP yes you're being unreasonable for feeling foolish - you did nothing foolish, you just trusted your husband! We should be able to trust our partner otherwise what's the point?

He's an absolute scumbag and so is she. They bloody deserve each other! You've had a horrible shock and betrayal and you need time to recover. I hope you've got good friends to support you. Get good legal advice too.

This is not on you op. Of course you should be able to trust your husband! They are despicable and have behaved appallingly.

Oh, op. I’m so sorry. And no, you aren’t foolish at all for not noticing. As a PP has said, you judged them both by your own standards. You would never do such a thing so you automatically assumed they wouldn’t either. Pair of utter cunts, they deserve each other.
As you process this, I think you will find that there WERE times where a very quiet and distant inner alarm rang, at the back of your mind, almost sub consciously, but you silenced that alarm because you trusted him and like I say, judged him by your own standards.
That was my experience at least. I was totally blindsided but on reflection (and this was months after I found out) I could identify two separate occasions where my own distant alarm had rung. It was literally a whisper quiet thought that floated through the back of my mind. Like you, I dismissed it. That doesn’t make me foolish, it makes me trusting of the person I loved. Because if you can’t trust them, what’s the point?
Good luck op, you’ll get through this.

The only fools here are the pair of cheating twats. They deserve eachother. I hope you tell her fiancé before he marries her!

I’m so sorry. This is not on you. You shouldn’t have to be vigilant. He abused your trust and should feel throughly ashamed of himself. You’ve done nothing wrong.

There are 2 fools in this situation and neither of them are you.
Sorry op, horrible shock and his deception for a year was cruel. You don’t deserve this.
Hope you have friends and family in real life who can support you going forwards.

from everything you’ve written there were no glaring signs
you’ve not missed anything because there wasn’t anything

You aren't foolish, you simply trusted your husband. My ex partner cheated on me, and I fell for every lie he fed me. I had no reason not to believe what he told me! It's the same for you, if you'd been looking for infidelity, then you may have been suspicious, but you weren't because it hadn't crossed your mind.

Don't beat yourself up over the fact you weren't even remotely suspicious.

You now need to remember that your husband is no longer on your team. He doesn't have your best interests or that of your child at heart. Unfortunately, as upset as your MIL may be with your husband, he's still her son, and her loyalty will lay firmly with him. Don't disclose anything to your in-laws (including any siblings your husband may have), that you don't want your husband to know!!! Play your cards close to your chest.

You didn’t see it coming because he set out to deceive you from the start in a calculated way and this kind of behaviour probably never crossed your mind. And sometimes in life you can’t understand people’s behaviour because they’re awful people and it’s a credit to you, a good person, that you can’t understand the why.

I bet his new partner does see it coming when it happens to her. Every time he says he’s going to the office. May the pair of bastards never know a moments peace between them.

Don't you dare feel like a fool! Absolute fucking snakes, the pair of them. Karma is real and they'll get what they deserve.

You're no fool for trusting your husband. You SHOULD be able to trust your husband. It's not as if he told you anything that sounded far fetched or a lie. And her? Doing that and then drinking wine with you and being nice to your face? I could never...what an absolute bitch.

I'm so sorry. 💐

You certainly shouldn't feel foolish OP. Your husband has betrayed you in the worst possible way at a time when you are at your most vulnerable after just having a baby.

That he can look at his child and think that this is an ideal time to begin an affair shows what an utter cunt he is while masquerading as a decent husband and father.

Do you have people that can support you at this awful time?

Don't feel foolish OP, although I can see why you might. He’s the fool.
You need to get proactive now: get all the financial evidence you need ready for divorce.

Aw love, of course you're being unreasonable. That's a horrible shock for you and as others have said, you're supposed to trust your spouse and he's worked hard to keep this from you. They are a pair of morally bankrupt beings and karma will have them.

Take care of yourself and your boy and you will one day be pleased the rubbish took itself out. Good luck to you xxxx

YABU - we explain so much away when it's someone we love and trust.

Put it this way - my ex accidentally shared full naked body and cock-shots from his hotel bathroom to the family share (imagine that popping up on the TV - this is why I don't have idle photograph albums anymore!) - MORE THAN ONCE - and I believed his explanation that he was just proud of the weight he'd lost and being silly taking pics posing.

Of course he bloody wasn't. But I was trusting.

OP hugs 🫂
You have nothing to be ashamed about. Him and her on the other hand wow!

He has made his bed and gone to lie in it.

The shame is all theirs - you're no fool. You deserve better and it will ultimately be his loss. What an absolute twat. Can you get some support from friends and family? Please prioritise your well being and be kind to yourself as you process HIS betrayal.

How awful for you but, no, you aren't foolish at all for not noticing his affair.
You trusted him & treated him like a responsible, honourable adult as you should treat a person you have married & had a child with but he betrayed your trust & acted like a selfish immature fool.

The fault is entirely his but I do feel for you having to discover how he has been behaving.
I hope you have a good support network around you.
The next step is to see a lawyer.

It's natural to feel you 'should have known' - it's an instinctive response to make yourself feel you could protect yourself in future.

But no, you were deceived by someone going out of their way to deceive you. You trusted him because you are a trustworthy person yourself.

Try to focus on yourself as you feel now, how you want to progress now you do know. You have done nothing wrong.

Op if you want an example of a fool I was finding used condoms and BDSM equipment in my last relationship
he wouldn’t let me meet his female ‘best friend’
I stayed for the best part of 2.5 years with my gut screaming at me
it wasn’t until someone told me the ‘pet name’ this (much older) woman called him was a ‘sub name’ after we split up that it all fell into place.
you’re not foolish. If he hadn’t given any previous reason not to trust him then Why shouldn’t you trust your husband .