AIBU to let my DS opt out of sport

Oh rubbish. Being healthy and active is a key life skill. Team sports, if you're not good at them, especially as a kid are usually an exercise in humiliation and bullying. I teach teens and we have someone in tears most weeks because of the crap they get from the sporty kids fkr fumbling a pass or whatever. OP let him try martial arts, badminton, trampolining if you think he needs more exercise but the team thing is nonsense.

All that team sport ever taught me is that competitiveness is not a trait I possess and that the mob mentality prevails when a team member is not doing well. I have avoided it ever since, don't even want to watch it. Zero interest.

Drama club on the other hand - that was a revelation. There was really something for everyone to do depending on their skills, talents and interests, and there wasn't the bullying I experienced in school sports. I'm still friends 40 years on with many of my drama pals.

All this focus on teamwork - let's not forget that there is value in doing things independently too, be that a sport or an instrument or another interest.

😳

I could claim that I've never played a team sport because I'm not sure that being substitute/ dumped in less desirable peripheral positions/ verbally insulted by PE teachers & "team mates" and the endless trudging off to find wayward projectiles really meets the definition of playing "team sport" as there wasn't much team or sport going on and it was just an unpleasant way to waste an hour of school in uncomfortable kit.

However regular activity is essential. My lifeline was dance. I was still shit at that but it was more fun with more movement and fewer insults than taking a hockey stick for a stroll. That lead to fitness classes, then the gym plus social media and smart phones opened up running which contrary to my PE teacher's bellowing wasn't about having to be fast and "failing" when everyone else laps you.

My own DCs have always had activities, but I stayed away from competitive sports for them. DS2 was in a football team for a few years, but he was allowed to follow his interest rather than being driven. The big long term sports/ activities were swimming lessons (DS2 now Rookie Lifeguard for fun, DS1 stopped at end of stage 7), karate and junior parkrun. They also did Scouting which is active, and covers teamwork and life skills and overall they've had a good balance of exercising body and brain. They've also been happy to keep going into the teen years, and DS1 now sets his own goals as part of his DoE award at an age where many young people polarise into very competitive routes with high dropout rates, or into inactivity with fewer opportunities for casual participation sport.

It's important for children to have regular activity that pushes their comfort zone to keep them fit and formal groups/ clubs help with that, but it doesn't have to be competitive/ team sports.

There is no need for your son to play a sport if he doesn't want to do that. Some kids find it fun, some don't.

I absolutely agree with you.

I was forced to take part in netball hockey and lacrosse at school. I hated every minute of it and it taught me nothing except perhaps how to dream up ways of avoiding it. It didn’t stop me being able to be part of a team at work, but I am practically phobic about sports now. My idea of hell would be to be forced to watch football or rugby or the olympics now.
I don’t see any advantage in forcing a child to take part in a sport if they don’t want to.

I forgot about the drumming, @Sportsareanogo - if he were to play in a band, that would foster teamwork.

DD and her BF are wholly unsporty and always were. They were hopeless at sport and laughed at because of it. DD is also very dyspraxic. Team sport nonsense is fine for those who can do it but for those who can't often results in bullying and unkindness.

I am similar to dd and school/organised sport ruined my confidence as a youngster.

However, we are all active, always on the go, walk briskly, dash about, etc. DD was very keen on drama, she and bf are very musical - almost professionally so. We all walk about 4-5 miles a day, just as part of life.

I am 65, good bmi, low bp, no pre diabetes, etc, still working, garden hard and have had a very successful career with no issues about working as part of a team.

The team sport/team spirit guff is a load of old boilleaux as far as I am concerned. For those who can't it just fosters misery. Those who can are not team players when they persistently make snide remarks and leave people unpicked on the bench.

@Sportsareanogo play to your son's strengths.

Interestingly, when I go home I occasionally bump into one of the sporty girls from my youth. In their mid 60s, and by their mid 30s, many of them do not exactly look like pictures of health and some have piled the weight on and slowly waddle about the village.

He's active if he's swimming and riding his bike and playing drums. Drumming is an underrated activity. Drummers are usually pretty fit because they're using their arms and legs to play and constantly moving.

Organized sports are not the only way to be active.

Me too, @BeeCucumber.

@Sportsareanogo - there are other ways for a child to learn teamwork - team sports are not the only way. If your son enjoys cycling, he might enjoy a cycling club. Or he could join a drama group or a choir. Or there are coding clubs - just a few of the ways he could learn teamwork without you having to force him to do sports he hates.

Swimming and bike riding are “sport”
It’s good to encourage kids to do some kind of activity but it doesn’t have to be a team sport, I hated team sport as a child but I can’t say it did me any harm

In that case, I can’t see why anyone would think your son needs to do any more sport if he doesn’t want to.

I've got through life perfectly well without taking part in team sports. I avoided them as much as possible at school but now at 71 I'm very active dancing, walking and pilates. Competitive sports aren't for everyone.

Absolutely fine. As long as he’s moving his body somehow it doesn’t matter. One of my DDs idea of hell was any kind of team sport. She tried lots of different things. She settled on jujitsu she trained hard and became a black belt she’s 21 now and has swapped jujitsu for boxing, gym and running.

Mine is the same age and exactly the same. He likes nature walks and bike rides and we go swimming every weekend and bowling fairly regularly. He does Beavers and ukulele lessons. He’s going to start voice training in September. He hates team sports and I’m not going to push it. He’s quite uncoordinated and hates feeling like he’s letting the team down.

Leave the boy alone, he's doing fine.

Tell your interfering friends to keep their beaks out.

Totally agree. I think it’s a big mistake - lots of children aren’t competitive yet this is the focus, whereas staying healthy is far more important. I enjoy physical exercise so much and appreciate the difference it makes to my quality of life but the fact I didn’t want to play competitive sports during my PE lessons was apparently the biggest problem.

OP didn't say he doesn't take part in organised sport at school, she said he doesn't do any team/organised sports outside of school in his leisure time.
Life doesn't involve doing stuff you dislike in your free time (and if it does its not free time).
Life does involve being able to read and comprehend though, maybe that's one of the things you aren't keen on and should brush up on.

OP my DS did do tean sports at secondary school, but the 'team work' ethic that he has was learnt almost entirel from being very involved in drama (much more long term committment and people absolutely depending on you to be reliable, learn you part, turn up etc or you poil it for everyone) he's now a theatre manager, runs his own professional theatre company and is an actor/writer. No team sports needed.

Additionally in drama no one including parents (the worst offenders) abuses the kids from the side lines or ridicules kids for not being the most skilled.

He also loved cubs and scouts which involved loads of team building skills, lots of fun outdoor activities if he fancies fresh air and exercise with the emphasis on co operation and friendship, and no pressure of forced competitiveness

Let your child do what he loves, he gets exercise, he might find a sport that is more individual that he enjoys - running, tennis, badminton, dancing etc or he might have other interests in life.

I think all kids should learn to swim and be fit, but after school or weekend teams aren’t a necessity.

You would be unreasonable to pull them out of school PE lessons, just like you would be unreasonable to let them opt out of maths or reading, but weekend stuff? Let them skip that.

Of course he should take part in sport, no idea why you would allow him not to, life involves doing things we aren’t keen on.

Agree with the concept here actually - children should be exposed to all sorts of things, but not dragged along to them forever. I took my son to several ballets and musicals when he was younger - just like my daughter. He hates them, every single time. So my daughter and I go to twice as many without him as we save the money on his ticket. Still make him come now and again to test it out though.

My daughter and I will go to a musical every day but team sports make us feel a bit sick to think about.

Ah, well I wouldn't worry then. Being active is important but organised sport is not necessary.

What about swimming lessons?