Should I tell DH what to get me for my birthday?

But when does the OP get to 'not have to think of something'.

OP perhaps you should ask for 24 hours alone in a hotel room where you don't have to do anyone else's thinking for them.

Tell him he can organise you a box of chocolates or fruit platter to go with it.

Just smile and tell him what you would like. He would probably be relieved not to have to think of something.

Don't literally purchase the item yourself and hand it to him to wrap. But do give him a list of a few things you'd like, with links, so he can choose something from the 'safe' list, but it will still be a bit of a surprise for you.

Yeah, that's bad craic. He should be ordering it, wrapping it etc.

It really depends how difficult you are to buy for. I would never say this to anybody as I am SOOOO difficult to buy for and it would be a dick move on my part. Also, some people, as much as they care, are crap at buying gifts. So depending on how you are DH are about the above would determine how unreasonable I think you are being.

You're setting him up to fail. You've said you want something thoughtful but won't give him any ideas.

We always give each other ideas and we've been married 25 years.

People are allowed to feel differently about birthdays. DH isn’t that bothered, I am. I do stuff for his birthday, he does stuff for mine.

If he didn’t, I would be sad, as he knows it matters to me. He’s considerate all year round but I would still be disappointed if he did nothing towards my birthday, just as he might be disappointed if I came back late from work without dropping him a text or whatever and he’d been looking forward to seeing me.

Again, there’s some distance between “I’m upset by this particular action” and “this is a deal breaker, I’m filing for divorce”

Reminds me that one of the things I love about DH is that he is very thoughtful and great with gifts. But even so if there is something specific I'd like, I would say so!

Buy yourself a holiday away for two weeks without him. Make a gift voucher and make him give it to you in front of everyone at the party so you can read it out. The voucher should read, “My beautiful wife, you are far too good for me. You work so hard and you thoroughly deserve this fortnight at a 5 star spa in Thailand. I’ll take care of everything at home. Just go and have the most wonderful time. All my love, Bob’.

Yeah it's not so much about the present itself. That's not really the issue, so what he might get it wrong.
It's more the fact that she describes him as being a manchild who can't sort anything out.

I mean if the OP had a far less stressful life with him on a day-to-day basis, would she even be that bothered by what he got her?

If this is a gift for a big birthday give him a detailed list of things you'd be happy to receive. Unless he's a mind reader theres a huge capacity for disaster.

Without help he might get it right, then again he mightn't and you'll be disappointed on your big day.

Absolutely this. When my ExDp asked what I wanted/wanted to do my answer was always 'not to have to decide'. At that point, I was making almost every other decision, what to eat, where to go, what to do. Someone else can do my birthday.

Totally NBU. You've already had to do the planning etc for your OWN bday.. and now the gift too. Terrible. Im in the same boat every year. He needs take a look around your house to see what you have/ like eg jewellery, perfume etc and then plan around that. No difficult. But my DH is the same as yours. Sigh

This is also true.

Yes - or it's compensatory because someone doesn't feel loved or cherished for the other 364 days of the year. So disproportionate importance is put on the big days. If your default feeling in a relationship is that you feel loved and cherished then it kind of doesn't matter what happens on your birthday.

Yep, it’s a load of crap.

There’s a big difference between “not quite right” and “order your own gift, sweetie, and give it to me to wrap” which is where the OP is. That’s hardly showing a lot of respect from her partner to her, is it?

You like to get them is very, very different from it being a deal breaker or you or actually ruminating over it, though.

In other words you're not going to be particularly upset if you don't get what you want - or are you? - so it's not crap at all.

If for example you didn't get a particularly thoughtful gift, you wouldn't be that put out by it.

And of course the gift is wrapped up with how you feel about the giver and the circumstances of the time.
This is obvious.

If you're dissatisfied with the relationship, nothing they'll get will be quite right.

Maybe split the difference, ask him to suggest a few things and you pick.

Better to do this than feel disappointed!

I send my husband a link to my favourite item of jewellery. Luckily there’s a shop near us that handmakes beautiful items. Did this for my 70th last year and was delighted with my necklace.

I always do, otherwise it would be rubbish and I wouldn’t want it!

As an adult, I’m sure he won’t mind if you sent him a link of what you actually do want.

Agree.
I think the litmus test thing is a sort of compensatory proxy for when somebody no longer feels attraction any more.
The less attracted the more weight is put on things like presents.

I was so enamoured with the boyfriend who got me the limes from Spain that I was delighted by them.
Probably more than a £100 bottle of scent from duty free by a guy I liked less.
Just being honest.

OP talks about her dh as if he's 12. No judgement on this, maybe he is a wet lettuce and she's right to feel that way.

Well what woman would be attracted to that?

I would let them kids choose something for you otherwise they have actually had zero input and it's not from them at all. I could always accept mad randomness from the kids.

My husband's present buying skills are somewhat uneven. I have a big birthday this year so I'm choosing. Most years I leave it up to him and enjoy trying to work out what his thought process might have been.

He'll surely disappoint you, and then after all the effort you've made for your big birthday, you'll be upset on the day! Maybe suggest he talks to some of your best friends so he can brainstorm with them, and they can veto the crap ideas he might come up with?

What a load of crap @QuintadosMalvados

I respect and fancy my DH

I still like to get thoughtful presents on my birthday from the people I love, and I give those people thoughtful presents as well.

A bag of limes could be a great present if it meant something eg you had your first kiss under a lime tree or whatever. If it’s “I was at the supermarket and decided to get you some limes cos they were on offer” - not so much!

OP, YANBU.