AIBU to be angry my sister will not keep our niece?

It's heartbreaking op and the reality is we have more kids in care now than ever before and more than we have placements for. So many are ending up in unregulated placements or bnbs with staff there to watch them. I'd look seriously at the work you need done and when that can happen, ask for a family group conference from the social worker to make a plan for the transition and then push for your sister to keep your niece until the date your work is due to be completed. It might be easier when there's a tangible date and she's sat in a room of people and professionals who all are pushing for her to continue the placement as a stop gap.

What I would say is try to get the work pushed through as fast as possible. It's so damaging for kids to be somewhere they aren't wanted and it sounds like your sister is being highly inappropriate talking to a child who will have experienced significant instability and trauma about going into care and how she'll enjoy it. It's not appropriate at all and a social worker should be pulling her up on that.

You will have to take her. Both of your sisters are utterly selfish.

It's a lot to take on a 14 yo, particularly one who has little cause to trust the adults in her life.

I don't think you can blame your sister, and your post drips with jealousy and judgement about her lifestyle. You aren't prepared to take the teen in, but you think someone else is dreadful for not doing so, simply because they have room?

It's very easy to decide what other people should be prepared to sacrifice to 'do the right thing' when it's not you having to do it. You chose to take the 6 year old, but not everyone is able to take on another teenager.

Just saw your update.

Your anger is misguided. You should be angry with your nieces shitty feckless parents. Not your sister.

Going into care will likely be worse than sharing a room but not as bad as living with family who don’t want you. It’s a shame she doesn’t feel differently but you can’t make her want your niece and you shouldn’t try.

what has happened to the child’s mother? Whoever has her should be getting some child support money at least!

Why aren’t you angry with your nieces parents? Her Dad who she was removed from?

I’m in my 40s and child free by choice. I have absolutely no idea what I’d do if asked to take in a family child. Honestly I wouldn’t want to do it and I wouldn’t enjoy it. I have the life I’ve chosen. I chose to not have children.

I sympathise with both your niece and your sister.

Why shouldn’t she be unhappy to lose her free time and holidays? Are women’s choices only valid if they sacrifice themselves for children they didn’t choose to have?

I think it’s much better for someone to say “no I can’t do it” than a child to be in an unsuitable placement.

Sadly I have seen the impact of children being placed with someone just because it’s family but it not actually being suitable for the child.

You can’t force your sister to take her in op. That’s not ok. If you want to stop her going into care you have to take her in.

If you really need a partition wall then just so that you know, we had one put up recently. It took three days including plastering. It can be done very quickly. It’s certainly not such a big job that she would need to go into care.

This unfortunately.

Personally I would do whatever it takes to ensure my niece didn’t go into care so I totally understand your view OP but equally I can acknowledge that not everybody is prepared, physically, emotionally, mentally, to take on a child that is not theirs, presumably with no set end date. This is also a child that has already been through quite a lot. It’s not something that anyone should do lightly and it’s not a job that you could half arse or muddle through, it would be a huge commitment and I don’t think your sister is unreasonable to acknowledge that she isn’t prepared or capable to take that on.

Taking on a child in a situation like this and doing right by them is about far more than just having space, money or family who drive and could “help out”, she needs and deserves more than to be another job on someone’s reluctant to do list.

I think your anger should be directed at the poor girl's parents.
Your sister is not obliged to take on a child that is not hers and if she thinks she can't care for her, then it's probably best she says so from the outset.

She could be equally angry that you are not taking her on so she can be with her sister. Surely she could sleep on the sofa or top and tail with her sister while you sort out something more permanent.

Why has your niece refused to reside with you?

Can’t she share with her sister? There’s no need to partition a room.

i think unfortunately it about finding a solution for her to stay with you rather than trying to force her onto your sister.

How many people are living in your house and how many bedrooms?

Not entirely sure why you can't take the 14yo full time?

I feel for the kid. And you’re lovely trying to make it work.

As for your sister, it’s a tough one. Either she’s upfront and says she doesn’t want a kid in her life, or takes her in out of judgement and duty and neglect or mistreat her.

It’s all round sad for your niece who’s done nothing wrong in this world.

what about the other parents family can they help? Personally I would sacrifice what I needed to to make sure any of my nieces or nephews would never go into care so I do think your sister is being selfish

Does she have to go into care? Could she not share with her sister? Could you ask for support from SS to get a bigger house?