AIBU to be angry my sister will not keep our niece?

Hey, you lot upthread. Have you stopped arguing? You're giving me a headache.

And the Tooth Fairy is real. It’s more than a decade since you worked in children’s services. Even a Labour government is harming the rights of society’s most vulnerable children. There is about as much chance of my AD2 getting dressed for school without any drama in the morning as there is of the OP’s LA funding an extension. So much BS on these threads. Just nope. The LA will emotionally blackmail the teen’s aunt to accommodate her but will not offer any meaningful support. Ditto the OP.

Yeah, because the vulnerable sister had a much better option in the form of a 2-bed flat in a nice area with all her bills paid, because husband has a v wealthy brother. A room for her and a spare room for her daughter in the holidays. Much nicer for her than being in the spare room of our own home, which is only a 2-bed flat itself. But if she hadn't had better options, she would have come with us. The other alternative (due to her issues) would have been that she ended up on the streets, which we would never have let happen. I know most on this thread would have, though.

Actually, I don't drink. And I'm just about to go into a union meeting. (I don't live in the UK right now.)

No, The facts are that children are far more likely to be abused in a family environment than in a care environment.
Google it.
You might not like that, but it's true.
The vast majority of professional foster carers are doing a brilliant job.
A 14 year old, who can largely advocate for herself and who is already saying that the most important thing to her is that she has her own room, would probably do much better in a professional, calm foster placement than in a chaotic house with the OP, or with her other aunt who doesn't even want her there.
Let's not forget that pretty much all kids in foster placements have already been neglected or abused by their families. That's why they need fostering in the first place.

I feel social services may give you money for an extension if that’s possible? Do you own your house OP? Obviously the partition could be used in the meantime but in the long term if you need an additional room and it saves them from having to find another foster care placement I think it’s something they’d do.

I Worked for social services until around 2015 and I am pretty sure kinship care placements costs them less so they’d be keen to facilitate that. I assume social services are involved right with the 6 year old right and you get paid as a kinship carer?

You have attacked people on your assumption that they only care about their own DNA. You are married to a man who wouldn't take in his own vulnerable sister. Have a think about why some people would be hesitant to take on the responsibility for a blood relative.

As I've said, we could not take in our niece because she's a citizen of another country. And the mother herself was much happier being set up in her own home - a 2-bed flat in a nice area - by the wealthy older brother and having her bills paid than living with us. The mother is 16 years older than my husband. She had a spare room for her daughter to go and stay with her in the holidays, so their mother-daughter relationship was facilitated but the niece was able to have her own life and get space from her mother.

But you didn't take her in because your husband wouldn't allow it - exactly what you attacked another poster for who said her marriage wouldn't survive a fostering arrangement.

All you know is hypotheticals. When it came to the crunch, you did not take in a vulnerable female relative or her child. You offered her alternative support, which is also something other posters are suggesting in the OP's case, and you are attacking them for that suggestion.

CFAB would have had her in the system. Luckily we had enough money (just about) to make her airforce dreams come true.

I am not saying that people are awful for not adopting someone from the system. I'm saying that I'm appalled that someone would let their own niece go into the system. I love my nieces. I'm sorry that so many don't love theirs.

I offered to take in the troubled mother of my niece-by-marriage. (Niece herself was a citizen of another country.)

My point is, I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would never let a nibling or cousin or any member of my extended family go into care. I would have them.

Your posts are so clear as mud, but perhaps you should have thrown your money at CFAB, as children can and are fostered internationally with relatives if there is a need.

One hundred percent.

her troubled mother lives in the UK and I offered to have her live with us, but my husband (whose sister it is) said no. Instead, his older brother, who is very wealthy, bought the mother a flat and paid her bills.

This is the MOTHER, not the daughter. The daughter (our niece) is a citizen of another country.

Are you not aware that there are other options?

NO, he refused to house the MOTHER. Do read properly! The niece was (is) a citizen of another country, or we'd have had her. She ASKED to go to military school because it was her lifelong dream to be in the air force, hence today she's 32 and has been happily in the airforce since leaving uni. She could easily have attended a regular boarding school. It would never have occurred to me in a month of Sundays to send her to a military school if she hadn't asked. And it had to be boarding school because her useless mother had absconded, and thanks to immigration laws, we couldn't bring her to the UK since she's "only" a niece. The other alternative was the care system, and thsankfully we had the money (just) not to let that happen.

We also sent her to the college of her choice, which was not her home college, which would have cost significantly less. We thought that she should be able to go to the uni of her choice, like we were able to. So we ended up paying the foreign-student fees. Totally worth it to make her happy.

You sent her away and refused to house her because your husband said no. In your own words, heartless, cold, disgusting cruel behaviour of which you should be ashamed. Your words not mine.

Yes, you make a really good point. My adopted daughter number one is now 18 and she cannot live at home any more. Mainly because she makes false allegations against me. Just to illustrate the complexities of traumatised children, I have been arrested, detained in a police cell for 21 hours and interviewed under caution with a duty solicitor present after my AD1 falsely claimed I had assaulted her. Despite the police deciding no further action within 24 hours, I was then put through a child protection investigation by my LA and taken to a child protection conference. The shame and distress still burns me. I love my AD1, I just can’t give her access to destroy my life any further. We see each other every day, I advocate for her strongly, she phones me about 800 times a day, and she knows I will always have her back. Life is calmer without her living at home as my AD2(10) and I are not constantly awaiting the police sirens and blue lights. Living with traumatised children can often feel impossible. It’s easy for others to judge. Anyway, as I mentioned previously, all it takes is one phone call to your LA to put yourself under scrutiny as an adoptive parent or a foster carer.

Sad situation all around, how terrible for these children and yet you get endless people including governments trying to get everyone to have more kids. When the truth is a good chunk of people shouldn’t be having kids, and this is obviously one of the more extreme examples of it. We need less and better quality parents IMO.

And it’s also a good example that none of us are an island so this is why in many cases people can rightfully express opinions on the way others live . So often people will say “it’s none of your business” blah blah but at the end of the day, we all live in society together and our decisions affect others. Especially those closest to us.

All that to say no one is really at fault here other than the parents who abandoned her and her siblings.

I am a child free woman of a similar age who loves travelling.

And while I’d like to think I would take in any of my friends or families kids rather than to see them go into foster care, I can understand how it’s not for everyone.

Right, so you attacked another poster whose husband wouldn't be happy with them fostering, but you (like the wet lettuce you accused someone else of being) caved in to your own husband refusing a caring/housing responsibility towards his own vulnerable sister (and by extension, his niece). But that's ok because you spent some money.

What about me and my husband? We did loads for my niece and her mother, and would have had his niece to live with us if there wasn't an international immigration barrier.

Well my kids are all adults so it’s kind of a moot point.

Be pissed off at the facts, not at the people taking the facts into account. Stats show that abuse is rife in the care system. The fact that it's not everyone doesn't mean it's not rife.

Like you and your husband?