Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not mention a secret admirer

44 replies

ThisGreenSloth · 27/04/2026 10:39

Hi, husband here just wondering what the majority of wives would want re: below.

I've just received a naughty anonymous birthday card from a secret admirer.

AIBU to not tell my wife about it? The reason I don't want to is because I think it'll simply make her paranoid and possibly affect her relationships with innocent people. She's already a touch jealous.

My instinct is just to bin it and not react at all, but this feels dishonest and like I'm being dragged into the dishonesty.

If it matters, (it doesn't) then the card won't be from anyone who knows me without knowing my wife. My colleagues don't know my address and I'm a classic "no friends" Dad!

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisGreenSloth · 27/04/2026 11:19

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 11:14

Well, he's leapt straight to it being a 'secret admirer' rather than the more obvious conclusion that it's a joke?

Show quote history

The context I meant above is that I'm not 25 or whatever and part of a large group of mates who have "banter" with each other. It would be the natural thought then obviously.

If it's a joke then it would be at my expense from someone who wants to make fun of me rather than a joke someone thinks I'll find it funny. Again, definitely a possibility but would also be quite odd.

OP posts:
TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 11:14

PillsBox · 27/04/2026 11:11

How is he boasting?

I genuinely don't understand that.

The PP I quoted was being disingenuous imo, if they've read the OP.

Show quote history

Well, he's leapt straight to it being a 'secret admirer' rather than the more obvious conclusion that it's a joke?

Original poster
ThisGreenSloth · 27/04/2026 11:13

All 3 main ideas - joker, wife's test and an actual admirer - are all unlikely in their own way!

I personally do think it's an actual person because my wife's not that devious and there is no obvious joker. (I guess that's something where you need the actual context of someone's life to understand).

However, telling my wife about it (in case it's a test) and saying I think it's a joke might be the way forward.

OP posts:
PillsBox · 27/04/2026 11:11

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 27/04/2026 11:08

Entirely.
He's boasting.

Show quote history

How is he boasting?

I genuinely don't understand that.

The PP I quoted was being disingenuous imo, if they've read the OP.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 27/04/2026 11:08

PillsBox · 27/04/2026 11:07

If you've read the OP, this sounds slightly disingenuous.

Show quote history

Entirely.
He's boasting.

PillsBox · 27/04/2026 11:07

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 10:58

Why on earth would the OP 'get an ear bashing' from his wife for having inadvertently been in receipt of a suggestive card?

Show quote history

If you've read the OP, this sounds slightly disingenuous.

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 11:03

Marylou2 · 27/04/2026 11:00

Do you really have no idea who it's from? No male friends with inappropriate senses of humour? I imagine a "naughty " card would have to come from someone who's been previously flirtatious. Any neighbours you might have impressed with your barbecuing skills or the manly way you pack the car to go to the tip?

I'd assume it's a joke, personally. Though if his colleagues don't know his address and he doesn't have any friends, I suppose we're down to either family or neighbours.

I mean, OP, I think it's a bit of a leap to go straight to 'secret admirer'. I'd be going with 'joker who knows your address'.

Marylou2 · 27/04/2026 11:00

Do you really have no idea who it's from? No male friends with inappropriate senses of humour? I imagine a "naughty " card would have to come from someone who's been previously flirtatious. Any neighbours you might have impressed with your barbecuing skills or the manly way you pack the car to go to the tip?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 27/04/2026 11:00

You must be gorgeous to have been the recipient of such a card.

TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 10:58

Maized · 27/04/2026 10:56

Definitely tell her. The ear bashing you get from being transparent will be better than any ear bashing you get from hiding it, as hiding looks guilty. You could even ask her if she sent it. But, a jealous partner is hard work and I'm sorry you're having to tie yourself in knots over this

Why on earth would the OP 'get an ear bashing' from his wife for having inadvertently been in receipt of a suggestive card?

Maized · 27/04/2026 10:56

Definitely tell her. The ear bashing you get from being transparent will be better than any ear bashing you get from hiding it, as hiding looks guilty. You could even ask her if she sent it. But, a jealous partner is hard work and I'm sorry you're having to tie yourself in knots over this

Original poster
ThisGreenSloth · 27/04/2026 10:50

ProudAmberTurtle · 27/04/2026 10:46

If your wife is already jealous then how do you know it's not from her, testing you to see if you tell her?

Yeah, this is the only context it could be from her. It's not just a romantic anonymous letter between partners (she'd only be romantic rather than coarse).

I don't think she'd test me, but I do think people are right that's the most important reason to tell her just in case.

OP posts:
ProudAmberTurtle · 27/04/2026 10:46

If your wife is already jealous then how do you know it's not from her, testing you to see if you tell her?

Original poster
ThisGreenSloth · 27/04/2026 10:45

Merryoldgoat · 27/04/2026 10:41

  1. what do you mean naughty?
  2. wouldn’t you want to know if it were the other way round?

Naughty as in suggestive.

I don't know whether I'd want to know myself tbh. I don't think it's a simple question. It would mean suspecting innocent people around me. I'd obviously want to know if something was going on, but that isn't what this is.

OP posts:
ApparentlyIsMyCircusAndMyMonkeys · 27/04/2026 10:44

Of course tell her. For a start, how can you be sure she didn’t send it herself?!

Merryoldgoat · 27/04/2026 10:41
  1. what do you mean naughty?
  2. wouldn’t you want to know if it were the other way round?
TerracottaBowl · 27/04/2026 10:41

Tell her. Say it’s clearly a bad joke and show her the card. What a weird thing to do.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 27/04/2026 10:41

Hmmmmm, such a difficult thing, damned if you do and damned if you dont. Due to you mentioning your wife is a little jealous could it be her? I would mention anyway just to be transparent.

PillsBox · 27/04/2026 10:41

I wouldn't be in a relationship where I couldn't simply say "Oh look at this card, how weird?"

But since you are, you might as well bin it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread