Page 8 | Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

Witchonenowbob · 27/04/2026 16:03

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 14:56

You think the son should leave his girlfriend????

The girlfriend doesn’t live there. And he’s perfectly capable, if unwilling, to put on a pair of Marigolds.

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You really cannot accept the GF was at fault here can you? Everyone’s fault apart from the actuap
persons it is!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 16:02

Witchonenowbob · 27/04/2026 16:01

Independent adults don’t live in disgusting filth!

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Some of them do, you know.

Witchonenowbob · 27/04/2026 16:01

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:51

Because I understand what an independent adult is and that it’s up to them what they do? Okay then

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Independent adults don’t live in disgusting filth!

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 27/04/2026 15:58

LakieLady · 27/04/2026 15:41

😂

I'm afraid I now need to know how she phrases the question, ie does she use "builders' speak" and, if not, what euphemisms she uses!

My BIL has a building company and he always hires a portaloo for his guys to use. He says the expense is worth it because it avoids a lot of hassle.

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It was her decorator that told me, and he did find it quite endearing rather than unpleasant (or at least that's how he told me the story!).

He asked if he could use the loo, she just came straight out and said if it was for a lengthy visit she'd ask him to go to the public conveniences.

Of course I asked her about it, and she said it's right and she tells anyone other than a select few the same.

It's a good job she's such a cute little old lady who provides lots of refreshments and pays well or jobs would never get finished 😄

ginasevern · 27/04/2026 15:56

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:51

Because I understand what an independent adult is and that it’s up to them what they do? Okay then

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Independent adults don't usually refuse to let their mum have a 2 minute wee in their loo. But if that's how your world works, then crack on. It's far from normal behaviour as you can see from the vast majority of replies on this thread. But you do you hun.

Liberancho · 27/04/2026 15:55

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:46

Actually I haven’t. She said the house was disgusting. Now, do you not think that her son would be able to pick up on how she felt?

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You have. You referenced your own parents making comments years ago.

The OP, has done what thousands have parents have done, including me, and my own mother before me, and that is clean up our kids filth.

It really isn't as weighted as you keep insisting it is Livia.

Some of us have healthy relationships with our parents and kids and within that is us stepping in to help out and clean for them.

My mother and I laugh at my horror over dd20's bathroom, my dd also laughs when my dm shares the state of my student halls and first flat. I am fully cured by age and having a family of my own. But I loved my mother cleaning up for me, I never once denied her the use of my toilet because she had previously called me stinky Sarah.

The reaching and assumptions are just that. The OP has said her son had no issue and I imagine he really really didn't. 23 year old men aren't that easily offended.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:51

ginasevern · 27/04/2026 15:49

Christ, you sound like hard work.

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Because I understand what an independent adult is and that it’s up to them what they do? Okay then

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 27/04/2026 15:49

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How is it harder to tell the OP that than to blame her anxiety?

Things like that are a stretch. And even if she did, so what? It's not her house. She shouldn't get to dictate who can and can't be invited in.

ginasevern · 27/04/2026 15:49

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:44

Actually they do - once they move out it’s their life.

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Christ, you sound like hard work.

Oddlyfull · 27/04/2026 15:47

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LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:46

Liberancho · 27/04/2026 15:41

She hasn't. That poster has repeatedly projected.

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Actually I haven’t. She said the house was disgusting. Now, do you not think that her son would be able to pick up on how she felt?

LoyalMember · 27/04/2026 15:44

Kimura · 27/04/2026 14:58

Being painfully shy or lacking confidence or not liking meeting new people isn't 'severe anxiety' though.

Severe anxiety, or anxiety disorders, are recognized, diagnosable mental illnesses.

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I completely agree. I was chronically shy as a child, and still am, to an extent, as a 59 year old man, but never have I ever thought, or has it occurred to me, that it's a 'mental illness or condition'. I just get on with it, and face people and situations. There's no other way, ffs. Nobody's got the time to hold my hand.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:44

Kimura · 27/04/2026 15:42

But you have absolutely zero information to suggest she did that.

And even if you did, telling your son that a room he's just greatfully watched you clean was disgusting is not 'snarky'.

Kids don't automatically stop needing a kick up the arse when they move out.

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Actually they do - once they move out it’s their life.

Kimura · 27/04/2026 15:42

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:15

Yes she has. Calling the house disgusting is pretty snarky

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But you have absolutely zero information to suggest she did that.

And even if you did, telling your son that a room he's just greatfully watched you clean was disgusting is not 'snarky'.

Kids don't automatically stop needing a kick up the arse when they move out.

LakieLady · 27/04/2026 15:41

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 27/04/2026 15:32

My mum directs tradespeople to the nearest public toilet, a mile drive away, once she's confirmed they intend to pass solids. I wish I was joking.

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😂

I'm afraid I now need to know how she phrases the question, ie does she use "builders' speak" and, if not, what euphemisms she uses!

My BIL has a building company and he always hires a portaloo for his guys to use. He says the expense is worth it because it avoids a lot of hassle.

Liberancho · 27/04/2026 15:41

ginasevern · 27/04/2026 15:08

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta "She has admitted she’s make snarky comments before. And a natural consequence of that is that you aren’t given the chance to do that again. I know how I would (and have) reacted over something similar. Perhaps people should think about what they say before they open their mouths"

Wtf? The OP hasn't made any snarky comments.

She hasn't. That poster has repeatedly projected.

LittleMi55Nobody · 27/04/2026 15:37

zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:05

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

maybe there was no girlfriend but something he didnt want you to see , maybe his house is a mess or his loo was dirty and he was embarrassed

Whoops75 · 27/04/2026 15:35

Filthy loo and he blamed the GF

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 27/04/2026 15:32

scalt · 27/04/2026 15:03

They must be on Mumsnet, inspired by the many, many “AIBU about workmen shitting in my toilet” threads.

My mum directs tradespeople to the nearest public toilet, a mile drive away, once she's confirmed they intend to pass solids. I wish I was joking.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:32

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Wow. Ableist much?

Performative autism? How dare you? What a shitty attitude.

I would have been happy to explain but your attitude is crystal clear.

LakieLady · 27/04/2026 15:30

scalt · 27/04/2026 15:03

They must be on Mumsnet, inspired by the many, many “AIBU about workmen shitting in my toilet” threads.

😂

I wonder if the OP lets workmen use her bog?

LostTheGoodScissors · 27/04/2026 15:26

There could be a lot of reasons behind his behaviour. He might feel embarrassed introducing you, especially if he’s already thinking about ending things. It could be that her behaviour is a bit unpredictable, or that he genuinely doesn’t think she’d cope well with the situation. Saying she can just stay in another room sounds simple, but in reality that would be very awkward and antisocial.
It’s also possible his place wasn’t in a great state and he was making excuses. It seems unlikely that his intention was simply to upset you.

User086758 · 27/04/2026 15:24

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ginasevern · 27/04/2026 15:24

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta "Yes she has. Calling the house disgusting is pretty snarky"

She was actually making the point only for the purposes of this thread (and in answer to another poster) that he'd be highly unlikely to refuse her entry because the place was in a right mess. She'd often seen it at it's worst and it didn't faze her son at all.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 15:16

Moro93 · 27/04/2026 15:03

I’m not replying to all of the comments individually that are basically saying the same thing. I know it isn’t the girlfriend’s house. I’m not saying she had a right to stop OP coming in, I’m saying that’s a potential reason someone would feel uncomfortable. It’s the son’s choice, not hers.

@User086758 I don’t refuse to let people use my bathroom if needed. Sometimes it can backfire, like I said in a previous comment where my MIL ‘used our toilet’ and was still there hours later. It’s happened more than once. Anyone who knows anything about autism should know this is uncomfortable.

Trust me, no autistic person thinks the entire world needs to work around their needs. That’s the problem, we know it doesn’t and we have to try and work to adjust to everyone else’s needs and wants which leads to overstimulation, shutdowns and meltdowns.

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Your last paragraph put things more eloquently than I did.