Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

Agree.

Just saying.

But you forgot the bit about OP being 'melodramatic' in being refused the opportunity to pee when she needed too. I know that feeling very well, being of a certain age, and it isn't funny.

He knew his mum had a medical condition, for god's sake. It was an absolutely shitty thing to do. Olympic level dick-pandering on your part.

Your son sounds absolutely useless. He should just have let you use the loo with a quick warning to gf and reassurance that you didn't need to meet. As PP have said she may not even have meant the request to be that extreme but it's very rude and inconsiderate of him. I'd think it quite rude to say that to a friend, let alone one's parent to be honest.

She had a 2.5 hour journey ahead of her and medical issues that can cause urgency. She also has a son, who knowing all of that, refused her most basic request to briefly access the toilet. It’s not melodramatic to feel upset.

And since when has being almost in tears “melodramatic” anyway ffs 😂 don’t be silly. Feeling a bit tearful is hardly throwing herself on the ground like a toddler, or flouncing off, theatrically wailing and clutching her chest.

Bloody hell, this thread is infuriating.

OP’s son told her exactly why he wouldn’t let her in. OP has told everyone here the reason, and said that her son has discussed the GFs issues with him before this incident. There’s no reason to disbelieve him (or OP). But some of you just can’t accept that a GF/DiL might be unreasonable or be the one to cause inconvenience, so you turn into Poundshop Poirots’

“Nah, it’s not that. His house is just messy”

”The GF probably insisted he cleaned up before you came but the lazy sod couldn’t be bothered”

”Nah, he’s secretly gay. There’s a man in the house”

”No, he’s growing weed”

”He’s probably a druggy devil worshiper with a sex dungeon”

”Ackshuwally ☝️🤓 I believe I’ve just found proof that OP has shamed her son and now she’s banned from entering his home (he just hasn’t informed her she’s been banished)”

”Yes, that’s it. OP is a filth shamer. He may have seemed happy to have your help cleaning, but deep down you’ve wounded him terribly”

Come on people. How about sometimes…just occasionally.. people actually mean what they say 🤯 not everyone feels the need to make up fake excuses in every single instance.

OP I agree with the poster who said that she’d be concerned for your son. I really do understand why you were upset, it can’t have been nice and must’ve been a shock to have such a basic request shut down when you were in need. I just think you need to talk to your son about it.
It might be that he was worried about the GF reaction and it was easier to upset you (as the more reliable, reasonable person in his life).

I also understand what the other poster means when she said GF may have been mortified that he’d taken her request to that extreme…but it was still her request, and she should never have put him in that position when she had plenty of notice you were coming and her own home to go to. It’s really not all his fault.

its difficult though if he told you in advance that his girlfriend wasn't ready to meet you and then you asked last minute to use the loo then he might have felt you were trying to get round a previously agreed boundary.

He didn't tell her this in advance. She didn't know that GF was in the house until she asked to use the loo.

I don't know which is weirder, that you're so melodramatic that you were almost in tears, or that your son is with someone so emotionally "damaged" (sorry, but that's the only word that occurs to me on short notice) that she's incapable of a passing hello to her BF's relative.

No, she did not say the house was disgusting.

She said she cleaned his kitchen and bathroom on her last visit because they were disgusting.

We do not know whether that was said to her son or not, because OP hasn't told us. There's zero evidence to suggest any such comments are why he doesn't want his mother in the house.

Apologies for calling your son an idiot btw. I think he (kind of) meant well but the execution was clumsy

I think your son is suffering here
yANBU & she sounds very unwell
sounds like a codependent relationship hopefully it will end soon

Ok so gf was anxious about crossing paths with you. Your son was trying to protect her feelings. But is there any chance she might hear about this incident and be horrified that you weren' allowed in the house, and her boyfriend had happily thrown her under the bus in the process? An offhand "argh let me stay out of the way, meeting parents makes me nervous!" has been mishandled in the worst possible way.

Truly, this is how tension begins between MIL & DIL.

I fully blame your son OP for all of this, he sounds like an idiot. And he owes you an apology.

But it's very normal for someone heading off on a long journey to have a safety wee, and who the hell could reasonably expect their son to prevent them from nipping in? Very very few people would think 'I'll use the public toilet now, because it would be hugely inconvenient to use the toilet in son's house.'

Not letting your mum who’s travelled 2.5 hours use your bathroom is pretty dramatic. And pathetic to be quite honest.

To be fair you could have easily used the loo in the restaurant/shops if you knew you were heading home? I wouldn’t expect anyone to use my loo if we had been out together, unless I had invited them inside for a cuppa or something afterwards.

But the GF doesn’t live there. She knew the OP was due to visit so hardly unexpected. She could either have not been there or got over herself and let his mum use the loo. It’s not ableist to think not letting someone who’s travelled 2.5 hours use the loo is disgusting behaviour.

I can see your point its difficult though if he told you in advance that his girlfriend wasn't ready to meet you and then you asked last minute to use the loo then he might have felt you were trying to get round a previously agreed boundary. It does seem a bit odd but some people are really troubled by anxiety.

I agree with posters who say the house was an absolute tip and your son used his GF as an excuse. Or there was something even worse there - like drug paraphernalia etc.

If someone has travelled 2.5 hours to visit I bloody well think one can let them into their home to use the bathroom! Don’t forget, it’s another 2.5 hours for them to get back. I would’ve needed the toilet more than once in that time!

Indeed. Apologies. I missed out the 'her'. Senior moment!

That...isn't a reason not to look into this disordered situation. And may not be the whole truth.

OP knows the reason already. She has told us all the reason. DS’s girlfriend has MH problems.

She is still disappointed by how her son treated her, as I would be. .

Good. Do not use me to derail the OP.

Because OP gave notice she would visit, so the gf on previous occasions made sure not to be at son's home. Clearly.