Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

WTF. Thats weird.

I'm ashamed to say the toilet in my son's flat doesn't flush properly and you have to throw jugs of water down it after using it. It's extremely upsetting and I vist his home not very frequently because of it and give him grief about it every time I do. But in fairness to him he still makes it clear I am welcome to visit him any time.

I certainly don't buy your son's excuse re his gf. Either his flat is a mess, or there is something wrong with it, or else something is going on he doesn't want you to see. But I don't blame you at all for being upset at being refused the use of his toilet facilities. Totally horrible behaviour.

Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t.

Sounds bloody odd - I wonder what if anything this GF actually said - because if it was coming from her and she goes the course I can't see this would endear you to her.

If it wasn't coming from her sons bloody odd coming from DS - and no idea what would be behind it.

I'd be taken aback about it and try and factor it in any future visits - personally I'd try and work round it despite the hurt becuase I love my kids and something sound off here so it would make me worry something was wrong.

I would call him up and further enquire as to her mental health because this sounds really bad

Maybe the house/toilet was in a state and he didn’t want you to see it.Whatever the reason, you need to move on and perhaps not judge the girlfriend until you know her

Dreadful behaviour from your son! Is it possible his house was an awful mess so he didn’t want you to see it? The girlfriend is dreadful if she was stopping her boyfriend’s mum from using the toilet. I would make sure he knows how much it upset you

I thought this too.
Or he’s hiding something in the bathroom perhaps?

Even if the house is a tip, it's preposterous behaviour. The OP raised this boy, she washed his socks, she probably nagged him to move the dirty plates and cups out of his bedroom about a million times. Seeing a messy flat surely wouldn't have sent her reaching for the smelling salts. Unless it's literally out of order he's got no excuse for not letting his own mother have a wee in his toilet!

Well, I certainly wouldn’t be driving the five hour round trip to see him again any time soon. If he wants to know why you can tell him. Also to be honest, if I was desperate and I knew where his loo is,I might’ve just walked in anyway because unless you are scared he’s going to physically stop you what could he do?

This sounds more likely. Something else is going on. One of my friends did things like this she was hiding the fact that her boyfriend had smashed things up in a rage

WTF this is rediculous, as someone who has suffered with anxiety and mental illness I honestly think he shouldn’t be pandering to her or enabling her this to this extent.

If his own mother can’t use his toilet this is a dire situation and she needs a really check.
Also why does her medical condition, trump yours?? She can lock herself in a bedroom while you go if she likes.

I'd be really taken back by that!! Is the girlfriend an excuse for 'my house is trashed'

This is exactly what I am wondering.
Maybe the house is a tip?

My money is on this

He could easily have warned the GF to stay inside a closed room while you used the loo.
My guess is, the place was a tip, the bathroom/loo were filthy, and he didn’t want you to see.

This must be a wind up...even by Mumsnet standards this cannot be true..a house with only one room the toilet and your son had imprisoned his gf there and she can't move...due to her anxiety 🤔🤣

My first thought was that the flat was an absolute tip and he didn’t want you seeing how bad it is.

Second thought… he could easily have popped in and told his gf that you were coming in to use the bathroom. She could’ve waited in the bedroom if not ready to meet you.

If she really has anxiety that bad, I would be very concerned that my ds has got himself into a relationship with someone with significant mental health issues.

It could also be that there are other parts to your DS’s life that he is not ready to share with you yet.

Rather than focusing on what he did to you at OP, try to think about what might be going on in your DS’s life right now that might be tricky for him.

Possibly he’d left the toilet in a truly sickening state before coming out to meet you

More likely - girlfriend said you better tidy and clean if your mother is visiting, he didn’t bother so she said I’m not having her coming in the house when it’s in this state.

Does sound very odd. Was the house a mess and he's embarrassed or something I wonder

Honestly does not surprise me in the slightest with that generation. “No your mum cannot go for an urgent wee because I am prioritising my mental health and her urinating in a nearby room is just far to much for me right now”

I'd forget about this. He should've communicated earlier that coming in to his house wasn't an option so you knew, you should've taken his first no as a full answer. Don't let it spoil anything, what's the point, no harm was done and you want to have a good relationship with him and his girlfriend. I think leaving in near tears was an over-reaction.

I know. So strange

I have suggested that @MousseMousse pause and reread

Eh? Did I read the same post from Oddly as you did?

the GF is very unreasonable as is your son. She could have hidden upstairs or elsewhere while OP had a pee.

How on earth do so many adults exist with such crippling anxiety? Do they get help? what is causing this? (we read so so so much about this here, i fear it is an epidemic)

All that aside: if my son said that to me, I'd not bother ever going back to his place. If i ask to use the loo, i need it now, not in 10 minutes when i got home.