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Original poster

Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

559 replies

zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:05

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

OP posts:
AprilMizzel · 27/04/2026 09:47

I know his home is sometimes a mess, on my last visit I throughly cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It was disgusting.

Maybe it's nothing to to with GF and this is the issue?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 09:46

Interesting how many people think that people don’t have the right to not want someone in their home. Yes she’s his mother but there was clearly a reason why he wasn’t comfortable letting her in.

AprilMizzel · 27/04/2026 09:46

SandyHappy · 27/04/2026 09:40

It seems he was fully anticipating you not going in or asking to go in so was caught off guard by it? It seems odd to arrive after a 2.5 hour drive and immediately go out? Is it normal for you to visit him and not go inside??

Any reasonable person would nip in and ask the girlfriend to go to one of the bedrooms etc so you could pop in to the loo, so it seems more likely that the house was a shithole and he didn't want you to see it as he wasn't intending for you to come in.

It bloody rude of him to not invite you in anyway, let alone refuse to let you use the toilet!!

I thought this - odd if outside front door not to be asked in.

We don't always go to uni kids accomodation but meet somewhere in town - as we're often staying in center. If he wasn't going to let you in - meeting at a pub or attraction and parking there with toilets open to public would have made more sense all round.

freetospeakup · 27/04/2026 09:45

In thinking the toilet wasn't clean and he was embarrassed

Original poster
zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:45

I wasn’t aware she was in there until I mentioned using the loo.

I know his home is sometimes a mess, on my last visit I throughly cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It was disgusting. He has never refused me going in before even with friends there. I always give plenty of notice of when I’m visiting and in the past his GF has stayed at her home until I’ve gone. I know it’s strange for her to avoid me but I am understanding of her anxiety. I feel for her. But yes I do worry about my son being in this relationship because he is out of his depth at times. I’m just disappointed that he treated me like that instead of finding a way around it.

OP posts:
ThatGoldLeader · 27/04/2026 09:44

Sounds like his girlfriend has pretty severe OCD. How long have they been together?

Everlore · 27/04/2026 09:43

Oddlyfull · 27/04/2026 09:16

Possibly he’d left the toilet in a truly sickening state before coming out to meet you

This was my first thought too. The anxious girlfriend excuse seems suspect to me. It sounds like something he has concocted on the spur of the moment to avoid his mum seeing the state of his bathroom. Much better to shift the blame onto his, possibly hypothetical, girlfriend's mental health issues than have his mum realise her son is too lazy to clean the toilet!

Tourmalines · 27/04/2026 09:42

That is absolutely bat shit crazy that he wouldn’t let you in to use the loo . I would be so pissed off .

PoorDollyBantry · 27/04/2026 09:42

No more visits to your son then. If he wants to see you in future, he comes to you. Denying the use of his loo to you because of a girlfriend's "anxiety" is batshit behaviour and totally unreasonable. All she had to do was stay in the bedroom, no-one was asking her to share the damn bathroom with you FGS.

35965a · 27/04/2026 09:42

The GF thing sounds weird. Maybe an excuse? For something he is hiding.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 09:42

Bjorkdidit · 27/04/2026 09:41

Same here. I'd have had to either forced myself in or piss in his garden.

Show quote history

Force yourself in???? What the fuck???

Bjorkdidit · 27/04/2026 09:41

10namechangeslater · 27/04/2026 09:34

I’d have said don’t be ridiculous I’m going to pee myself!!!

Same here. I'd have had to either forced myself in or piss in his garden.

SandyHappy · 27/04/2026 09:40

It seems he was fully anticipating you not going in or asking to go in so was caught off guard by it? It seems odd to arrive after a 2.5 hour drive and immediately go out? Is it normal for you to visit him and not go inside??

Any reasonable person would nip in and ask the girlfriend to go to one of the bedrooms etc so you could pop in to the loo, so it seems more likely that the house was a shithole and he didn't want you to see it as he wasn't intending for you to come in.

It bloody rude of him to not invite you in anyway, let alone refuse to let you use the toilet!!

pontipinemum · 27/04/2026 09:39

zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:36

Yes I think this is right but when I need a wee I need a wee! I think he should have said hold on I will tell GF you are just popping in to use the loo to give her warning to be in another part of the home. Instead I got point blank no you can’t. I was stood on the door step. He wouldn’t unlock the door. I just walked over to my car and left.

Show quote history

Say this to him. He is 23 and still learning lessons. It was good to have an arrangement with GF, but that situations can change.

wiwaprwfimh70 · 27/04/2026 09:38

That's bizarre behaviour and a strange excuse. I'm heavily medicated for anxiety so I understand the fear, but it's still strange/ she could have stayed in another room she didn't have to come out to meet you. Although the best thing would have been to fight that fear and come and say hi.

Purpletable · 27/04/2026 09:38

I hope your DS and his girlfriend break up soon OP 💐
It is very difficult to live with someone who has a severe mental illness and I find myself having more sympathy for him on reading your update. I would be gentle with him but do let him know you were hurt. Tell him you’re concerned he has to live like this.

Original poster
zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:36

FourSevenThree · 27/04/2026 09:26

If we take the anxious GF at the face value, I have a theory.

They probably had a discussion earlier - she was anxious about his mum coming, he ensuring her that "she doesn't even have to come to the house, will just use the drive and we will go somewhere". And than the loo request happened "out of the blue" which didn't fit with that.

He just didn't think about this option beforehand and, when put on the spot, went with the preexisting plan, protecting the agreement with his GF.

Yes I think this is right but when I need a wee I need a wee! I think he should have said hold on I will tell GF you are just popping in to use the loo to give her warning to be in another part of the home. Instead I got point blank no you can’t. I was stood on the door step. He wouldn’t unlock the door. I just walked over to my car and left.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 27/04/2026 09:34

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 09:23

Maybe the house/toilet was in a state and he didn’t want you to see it.Whatever the reason, you need to move on and perhaps not judge the girlfriend until you know her

Edited

If the OP waits until the GF allows her to get to know her I think she'll have a very long wait. Like others have said I would be glad if my son removed himself from this degree of control. I wonder if she bans everyone from using 'her' loo or if it's just the partner's mother?

10namechangeslater · 27/04/2026 09:34

I’d have said don’t be ridiculous I’m going to pee myself!!!

nomas · 27/04/2026 09:31

MousseMousse · 27/04/2026 09:08

Painting a girlfriend as crazy is a horrible thing to do @Oddlyfull

Op yanbu, very unkind of your son

She didn't say crazy. She said severe mental health illness.

AprilMizzel · 27/04/2026 09:29

If he's struggling with her mental health issues - perhaps it worse than he said and it easier to upset you than deal with an upset her?

I'd hope she leaves soon and see how he is afterwards - perhaps he'll be more considerate to you then.

wobblychristmastree · 27/04/2026 09:29

zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:26

I’m aware that his GF has some mental health issues and wouldn’t want her to be uncomfortable because of me but she could have stayed in another room. My son does struggle to cope with her issues and talks to me about it. I’m pretty sure their relationship will be ending soon as she will be moving away for financial reasons and he has said he doesn’t feel ready to move in with her due to her health. She really does need some professional help. I do feel this situation was more about his behaviour than hers though.

I would leave discussion of it until after she’s out of the picture then. Raising it too soon might damage your relationship and push them closer together. You don’t want to be the person that adds more stress to him.

did he seem stressed about not letting you in?

Purpletable · 27/04/2026 09:28

He just didn't think about this option beforehand and, when put on the spot, went with the preexisting plan, protecting the agreement with his GF.

Yes, and that’s not okay.

FourSevenThree · 27/04/2026 09:26

If we take the anxious GF at the face value, I have a theory.

They probably had a discussion earlier - she was anxious about his mum coming, he ensuring her that "she doesn't even have to come to the house, will just use the drive and we will go somewhere". And than the loo request happened "out of the blue" which didn't fit with that.

He just didn't think about this option beforehand and, when put on the spot, went with the preexisting plan, protecting the agreement with his GF.

Original poster
zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:26

I’m aware that his GF has some mental health issues and wouldn’t want her to be uncomfortable because of me but she could have stayed in another room. My son does struggle to cope with her issues and talks to me about it. I’m pretty sure their relationship will be ending soon as she will be moving away for financial reasons and he has said he doesn’t feel ready to move in with her due to her health. She really does need some professional help. I do feel this situation was more about his behaviour than hers though.

OP posts: