Page 18 | Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

zoovo · 2026-04-27T08:05:49+00:00

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

Purpletable · 27/04/2026 10:33

EnjoythemoneyJane · 27/04/2026 10:30

This sounds right to me, especially if he’s struggling to help her manage her MH. Put on the spot, he was less worried in the moment about his mum’s feelings than his girlfriend’s - but that may simply be because he sees you as the more reasonable person in that equation, OP, and the one who’s most likely to forgive him. He’s still very young and probably panicked a bit.

Have you told him how this made you feel? Could he see how upset you were as you left? If not, you should tell him.

If you regularly spend the day together and he confides in you about his life, you’re obviously close, and he’d probably be mortified to know how much that split second decision upset you. People can do funny, out-of-character things when in dysfunctional relationships, so don’t let this situation undermine your own relationship with your son. It doesn’t sound like the girlfriend will be around for much longer in any case.

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Yes, you don’t know what he was facing if he let you in OP. It sounds like this relationship isn’t good for him.

VioletandMauve · 27/04/2026 10:32

Good grief this is so bad and so unfair on you OP! Have you spoken to him since? Appalling behaviour from him and his girlfriend is just being ridiculous anxiety or not.

EnjoythemoneyJane · 27/04/2026 10:30

FourSevenThree · 27/04/2026 09:26

If we take the anxious GF at the face value, I have a theory.

They probably had a discussion earlier - she was anxious about his mum coming, he ensuring her that "she doesn't even have to come to the house, will just use the drive and we will go somewhere". And than the loo request happened "out of the blue" which didn't fit with that.

He just didn't think about this option beforehand and, when put on the spot, went with the preexisting plan, protecting the agreement with his GF.

This sounds right to me, especially if he’s struggling to help her manage her MH. Put on the spot, he was less worried in the moment about his mum’s feelings than his girlfriend’s - but that may simply be because he sees you as the more reasonable person in that equation, OP, and the one who’s most likely to forgive him. He’s still very young and probably panicked a bit.

Have you told him how this made you feel? Could he see how upset you were as you left? If not, you should tell him.

If you regularly spend the day together and he confides in you about his life, you’re obviously close, and he’d probably be mortified to know how much that split second decision upset you. People can do funny, out-of-character things when in dysfunctional relationships, so don’t let this situation undermine your own relationship with your son. It doesn’t sound like the girlfriend will be around for much longer in any case.

Tillow4ever · 27/04/2026 10:29

Isometimeswonder · 27/04/2026 09:58

I think k it's weird that a son or daughter can live with someone in a long-term relationship that the parents have never met

Given the op has said in a comment that the som doesn’t want to move in with the GF (suggesting they don’t currently live together), and hasn’t said how long they’ve been dating, it doesn’t sound like your comment is remotely relevant here.

JHound · 27/04/2026 10:28

AD1509 · 27/04/2026 09:15

Honestly does not surprise me in the slightest with that generation. “No your mum cannot go for an urgent wee because I am prioritising my mental health and her urinating in a nearby room is just far to much for me right now”

Right? I think dating somebody like that would be hard work (assuming he was telling the truth.)

Barney16 · 27/04/2026 10:28

I would think it was odd but I'd assume his house was an absolute tip, he didn't want you to see the mess and he just blurted out the first thing that came into his head.

Witchonenowbob · 27/04/2026 10:28

Very rude!

JHound · 27/04/2026 10:27

Your son sounds whipped. And his girlfriend sounds odd.

Good Lord what a bonkers thing for him to say!

Purpletable · 27/04/2026 10:25

Lomonald · 27/04/2026 10:23

Honestly just tell him he was being ridiculous, if his girlfriend is nervous he could have messaged her you were using the loo, once you have spoken to him about it you can move on.

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I’m guessing the girlfriend’s issues are more serious than a bit of nervousness unfortunately.

Shark321 · 27/04/2026 10:25

sorry mis typed and cant delete

IkeaMeatballGravy · 27/04/2026 10:25

notthedogsfault · 27/04/2026 10:06

Also, almost crying because your son won’t let you use his loo? Come on. Sounds pretty dramatic.

As someone with IBS I can understand being at the point of tears for being denied access to the loo. OP has said that when she needs to go she needs to go so obviously has urgency issues. The son has behaved appalingly letting his Mum risk wetting herself in her car before a long journey.

If they don't live together, why didn't she stay at her house knowing he was having company. She sounds controlling and manipulative and I do hope a break up is on the horizon.

Lomonald · 27/04/2026 10:23

zoovo · 27/04/2026 10:17

Believe me he has never been embarrassed about the state of his home and always grateful when I help clean. I’ve always gone in when visiting, normally do a bit of cleaning and go but he knew I was short of time and was literally just leaving.

Honestly just tell him he was being ridiculous, if his girlfriend is nervous he could have messaged her you were using the loo, once you have spoken to him about it you can move on.

MillyMollyMiley · 27/04/2026 10:22

I'd have been pissed off but I think you're being a bit over the top about it.

I'd assume there's something more serious going on with the gf and he didn't want you to know.

This isn't something to be that worked up about though.

ThreadGuardDog · 27/04/2026 10:18

AgnesX · 27/04/2026 10:11

Where in the OP does it mention the word crazy, although this is the weirdest thing I've read on MN to date (which is saying something). Not allowing your own mother to have a wee in your house?

I'm not sure who's more to blame for the sheer absurdity. The son for thinking it was ok, or for the girlfriend to expect it (if she even did which I doubt).

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The poster wasn’t referring to OP, it was directed at the first poster on the thread. Agree with you though - at no point was the word crazy used, it was just a factual statement.

Original poster

zoovo · 27/04/2026 10:17

Believe me he has never been embarrassed about the state of his home and always grateful when I help clean. I’ve always gone in when visiting, normally do a bit of cleaning and go but he knew I was short of time and was literally just leaving.

OP posts:

Shatteredallthetimelately · 27/04/2026 10:16

I always give plenty of notice of when I’m visiting and in the past his GF has stayed at her home until I’ve gone.

His GF doesn't even live there and she's dictating to your DS that his own mother can't come in his own house to use the loo.

He's setting himself up for a life of utter misery if this is a taster.

Pickledprune · 27/04/2026 10:16

Agree with pp it was definitely out of order and gf could of stayed out of way. To those saying op dramatic, its not nice with toilet anxiety esp if you feel the slight urge to wee, I have issues down there and I would be really upset its awful. Sending hugs op

loislovesstewie · 27/04/2026 10:16

noctilucentcloud · 27/04/2026 09:14

I'd forget about this. He should've communicated earlier that coming in to his house wasn't an option so you knew, you should've taken his first no as a full answer. Don't let it spoil anything, what's the point, no harm was done and you want to have a good relationship with him and his girlfriend. I think leaving in near tears was an over-reaction.

It's totally ridiculous that she couldn't use the loo. For crying out loud, it's such a basic need. I wouldn't refuse anyone the use of the loo, if they were in my house. Perhaps it would do the girlfriend a bit of good to manage her anxiety? BTW my son has anxiety and even he thinks it's bonkers.

ThreadGuardDog · 27/04/2026 10:15

ThisKeenScroller · 27/04/2026 09:54

You've judged his home as disgusting before and haven't forgotten about it.

That will be why.

The girlfriend probably has anxiety, yes, but also, he probably can't face the judgment because his home is unlikely up to your standards.

It's horrible suddenly needing the toilet and not being near one, but I don't think his house was ever an option, and you wasted time in arguing with him about it.

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OP didn’t say she judged his home to his face. She said she cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. She’s clearly worried about the impact of the GF’s MH problems on her son’s life. Frankly l would be too if she’s so anxious and avoidant of meeting OP.

oldtiredcyclist · 27/04/2026 10:14

pizzaHeart · 27/04/2026 09:55

I wonder this ^ as well. He is 23, he thinks differently OP, he doesn’t understand the concept of urgent need for toilet but he remembers being embarrassed about you cleaning his toilet in your last visit. He probably thought that you were checking on him. It’s the classic way to do this - its used in movies all the time

Imo you should have said: Jack, I really really need to go to the toilet . Because if you ask “can” question - there is only 50% chance of getting yes.

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At 23, I had been working for 7 years, I was an adult, working and interacting with people. This is not normal behaviour for an adult, he is acting without any compassion for his mother. I know what it is like to have this condition and it isn't pleasant, you have to plan your whole life around it. He was being an absolute, nasty idiot and nothing can excuse his behaviour. If his GF is really like this, then he is going to turn into a recluse, so he has some really tough life choices to make.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 27/04/2026 10:13

Oddlyfull · 27/04/2026 09:07

Poor chap. Sounds like he’s living with someone trapped in a severe mental health illness

H needs a new girlfriend, a partner who makes you put your own mother in this situation is not one for long term happiness.

Megifer · 27/04/2026 10:13

notthedogsfault · 27/04/2026 10:06

Also, almost crying because your son won’t let you use his loo? Come on. Sounds pretty dramatic.

It is really harsh tbf. Your own mum needs a wee and you say no "cos anxious lady in the house" 🙄 that is pretty brutal. I completely get why op would be that upset.

But as I say im definitely sniffing a whiff of the DS doing something dodgy in there rather than the completely ridiculous excuse he gave 🤨 i bet his electric meter is about to take off its whirring that fast 😂

ForPinkCrab · 27/04/2026 10:13

Knowing what kids are like at that age, cleaning is not high on their agenda. I’d guess he was making an excuse for you not to see a dirty bathroom

Riapia · 27/04/2026 10:13

Sounds like your DS may have problems in the future with this girlfriend. He will be in need of your support then.

MissyMooPoo2 · 27/04/2026 10:11

noctilucentcloud · 27/04/2026 09:14

I'd forget about this. He should've communicated earlier that coming in to his house wasn't an option so you knew, you should've taken his first no as a full answer. Don't let it spoil anything, what's the point, no harm was done and you want to have a good relationship with him and his girlfriend. I think leaving in near tears was an over-reaction.

I think not allowing the mother to use your toilet due a girlfriend's anxiety is an overreaction.