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Original poster

Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

559 replies

zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:05

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

OP posts:
YourHeartyFatball · 27/04/2026 11:59

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/04/2026 09:17

He could easily have warned the GF to stay inside a closed room while you used the loo.
My guess is, the place was a tip, the bathroom/loo were filthy, and he didn’t want you to see.

This sounds more likely.

365RubyRed · 27/04/2026 11:59

My daughter refused to let DH use her toilet once because she was living with her girlfriend in a one bedroom flat and hadn’t come out.

Mintchocs · 27/04/2026 11:58

Pollyanna87 · 27/04/2026 11:54

I don’t understand how it’s possible to have such severe anxiety and have a boyfriend she doesn’t live with. How does she cope with travelling from her house to her BF’s house?

I think by her having a made up problem that even she doesnt know she has, which is being used outside of her knowledge to hide his dirty loo secret 😄

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 27/04/2026 11:58

It was very thoughtless of him to not anticipate you might need the loo and a) make sure it was in a fit state and b) tell his girlfriend to leave the house whilst you were there if he knew she couldn't manage being in the same building as you.

I'd have been upset and angry with my son if he did this to me, and I'd definitely speak to him about how it made me feel. Being directed to a public toilet when you're right there on the doorstep is downright cruel!

Mintchocs · 27/04/2026 11:57

Oddlyfull · 27/04/2026 09:07

Poor chap. Sounds like he’s living with someone trapped in a severe mental health illness

This OP, I can 100% guarantee this is NOT anything to do with you and everything to do with either a weird girlfriend situation or (possibly) a very grim mucky house or mucky loo situation he absolutely didnt want you to see!!

Isekaied · 27/04/2026 11:56

zoovo · 27/04/2026 10:17

Believe me he has never been embarrassed about the state of his home and always grateful when I help clean. I’ve always gone in when visiting, normally do a bit of cleaning and go but he knew I was short of time and was literally just leaving.

You've raised an idiot with no problem solving skills.

I don't want to blame you. But his behaviour was disgusting.

Gizzywizzywoo · 27/04/2026 11:55

Oddlyfull · 27/04/2026 09:16

Possibly he’d left the toilet in a truly sickening state before coming out to meet you

Yes i think this is the real reason its probably in a disgusting shit stained state and hes embarrassed .the gf story is just utter rubbish

walkingmycatnameddog · 27/04/2026 11:55

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 27/04/2026 11:03

Is it the same with her own parents? I'll bet it's not.

Show quote history

No it’s not to the same extent but they don’t ever just drop by

Pollyanna87 · 27/04/2026 11:54

I don’t understand how it’s possible to have such severe anxiety and have a boyfriend she doesn’t live with. How does she cope with travelling from her house to her BF’s house?

Kimura · 27/04/2026 11:52

BunnyLake · 27/04/2026 11:46

Maybe his gf wasn't there and he hadn’t left the loo in a great state when leaving the house?

So why make up a bizarre and upsetting lie about her mental health instead of just saying...

"The toilet is broken, we've got a plumber coming later"

FourSevenThree · 27/04/2026 11:51

Purpletable · 27/04/2026 11:15

What plan? OP hasn’t mentioned anything about an expressed agreement/plan/intention.
On the contrary she said the GF usually isn’t there.

Edited
Show quote history

The plan as it was formulated. The plan that she would use the drive and they will go outside together.

There was no need to discuss the GF, because - from this point of view - there was no issue.

Yes, some people would say that the potential need to use the toilet is obvious, but obviously it isn't, so it wasn't planned with.

ThreadGuardDog · 27/04/2026 11:50

SandyHappy · 27/04/2026 11:26

maybe he passes off your cleaning as his own cleaning for when his girlfriend comes round after your visit, and he was afraid you would say something that she would overhear. Maybe she believes that he cleans up for your visit, not the other way around and he didn't want to be caught out in a lie.

"I only cleaned all this all last time I came, look how much of a mess it is again!!'

He's definitely hiding something.

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That’s a reach !!

Usernamedulychanged · 27/04/2026 11:48

I get why you are upset, but I would really avoid letting people on here get you wound up. It’s easy to get self righteous on someone else’s behalf, when you don’t have to deal with the consequences. Just thinking purely about your best interests here, you want to get on with your son and any future partner. This is minor in the great scheme of things. He doesn’t want you coming in his flat and didn’t expect you automatically would just because you’d parked on the drive (which he maybe also didn’t really want). It’s a boundary of his for some reason or other, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. If it helps, I have no expectation of ever going inside either of my children’s uni houses. They just find it awkward and I respect that. It has no bearing on the relationship. Don’t fall out over it.

Kimura · 27/04/2026 11:47

JabbaTheBeachHut · 27/04/2026 11:41

Then he'd be a bit of a bastard to blame his girlfriend, wouldn't he?

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Especially as she does have mental health issues! Imagine how she'd feel finding out his mum/family now think he has a 'crazy' girlfriend who doesn't want them in the house?

Or that he's lying about her illness because he's too lazy to tidy up.

BunnyLake · 27/04/2026 11:46

Maybe his gf wasn't there and he hadn’t left the loo in a great state when leaving the house?

Kimura · 27/04/2026 11:41

Flowerlovinglady · 27/04/2026 11:34

There is more to this story -
maybe the house is in a total state and he doesn't want you see that. Maybe there is something there that he doesn't want you to see (e.g. drug paraphernalia?). It could be anything really but the girlfriend story if true is very worrying for him and her.

If there was something he was that concerned about her seeing in the house, he'd have arranged to meet her elsewhere. And OP has already said that he's never had an issue with her seeing his house in a terrible state.

I'd be amazed if it wasn't the girlfriend.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 27/04/2026 11:41

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 11:40

You say his house is disgusting - maybe he knows you are judging it and he has had enough.

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Then he'd be a bit of a bastard to blame his girlfriend, wouldn't he?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 11:40

zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:45

I wasn’t aware she was in there until I mentioned using the loo.

I know his home is sometimes a mess, on my last visit I throughly cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It was disgusting. He has never refused me going in before even with friends there. I always give plenty of notice of when I’m visiting and in the past his GF has stayed at her home until I’ve gone. I know it’s strange for her to avoid me but I am understanding of her anxiety. I feel for her. But yes I do worry about my son being in this relationship because he is out of his depth at times. I’m just disappointed that he treated me like that instead of finding a way around it.

You say his house is disgusting - maybe he knows you are judging it and he has had enough.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 27/04/2026 11:40

MousseMousse · 27/04/2026 09:08

Painting a girlfriend as crazy is a horrible thing to do @Oddlyfull

Op yanbu, very unkind of your son

Edited to remove text as read the post incorrectly

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 27/04/2026 11:39

MousseMousse · 27/04/2026 09:08

Painting a girlfriend as crazy is a horrible thing to do @Oddlyfull

Op yanbu, very unkind of your son

Where did @Oddlyfull do any such thing? They are right, and it was worded with concern.

hahabahbag · 27/04/2026 11:39

Btw my parents regularly park up and we go straight out, mum always uses the loo before setting off home. Completely normal behaviour, there’s no snooping, she’ll just use it then leave. If you can’t deal with this then you need urgent treatment

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 27/04/2026 11:38

MousseMousse · 27/04/2026 09:08

Painting a girlfriend as crazy is a horrible thing to do @Oddlyfull

Op yanbu, very unkind of your son

Except he’s not painting her a crazy, merely mentioning ‘anxiety’

LoveItaly · 27/04/2026 11:37

AngryHerring · 27/04/2026 09:12

the GF is very unreasonable as is your son. She could have hidden upstairs or elsewhere while OP had a pee.

How on earth do so many adults exist with such crippling anxiety? Do they get help? what is causing this? (we read so so so much about this here, i fear it is an epidemic)

All that aside: if my son said that to me, I'd not bother ever going back to his place. If i ask to use the loo, i need it now, not in 10 minutes when i got home.

It makes you wonder how they ever got together, if her anxiety is that bad.

As someone who needs the loo frequently I would be really upset at this, and it’s completely unreasonable given the long drive home.

Nogimachi · 27/04/2026 11:36

Men are very selfish and I’m not surprised you were disappointed in him. From his perspective it wouldn’t have been a big issue though and really the only way would have been to insist or to lay out to him how ridiculous this was. Especially if I’d paid for lunch I would have told him in no uncertain terms that this was owed.

hahabahbag · 27/04/2026 11:35

@MousseMousse not allowing your live in partners mother to use the loo is crazy I’m sorry, she needs to get help

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