Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

If this is true......

Either the house was a tip or his GF is a teenager or his GF was naked and awaiting his returning or his GF is a hairy arsed man.....

I don't like anyone in my home. Relatives included 🫣.
unless planned, usually a mess

I know his home is sometimes a mess, on my last visit I throughly cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It was disgusting
Er, sorry but I think is more likely the reason you weren't "allowed in" with no prior notice.
In case you judged and did one of your spot checks and tidy ups again.
I was leaning more towards Team YANBU until this update.
YABU.

I was wondering of GF moved in and OP not been told or something.

I still don't get why though if you don't want someone with 2.5 hour drive ahead of them in your house why you'd meet at your house - meet somewhere else with whatever reason and avoid the issue entirely.

Fuck that, the cheek of him. I would be so angry. He could have gone in, asked her to go to another room and let u use the loo. There’s no respect there. I wouldn’t visit again, he can come to u. I’m sorry this happened, you sound like a lovely mother x

I'll bet he didn't mind his judgey disapproving mother paying for his lunch though.

Where does it say she paid for his lunch? I'm not sure it does. But I'm going to bet she did anyway.

Let’s hope mental health problems never come to your door.
They can be extremely serious, life-threatening.
Life-destroying too.

"How on earth do so many adults exist with such crippling anxiety"

A fantasy money tree benefits system, I believe the "anxiety" benefits scam is something Reform say they will tackle, a good 8 hours work a day keeps the anxiety away and helps sleep I hear.

@YourShyLion

how have you deduced that Op is judgey and disapproving?

although to be fair most of us are judgemental and disapproving about fully able adults who live in a shit hole so 🤷‍♀️

At best she’s entitled and at worse she’s mentally ill - either way he needs to take the blinkers off!

I wonder if he also had 'anxiety' about the filthy state of his home/bathroom and thought this would be an acceptable excuse...

Edited because I've read a little further now. I have no idea what the real reason was but you need to get to the truth of it.

i wouldn’t bother going again, OP. Invest the time and money you would have spent going on yourself. Do something nice

There's your reason. He didn't want his judgey disapproving mother in his space.

This sounds more like it to me. When I first moved in to this house I wouldn't have visitors for a while because it was very much a "project" and I didn't want my parents to see how I was living!!!! They all come round plenty now, and I love hosting.

The couple doesn’t live together!

Really wish people would read all OP’s posts.

Perhaps he had a stash of whatever in the loo and he didn’t want you to find it.
GF might not have even been there.

That’s very unlikely, as OP already knew about her MH issues.

“I’m aware that his GF has some mental health issues…My son does struggle to cope with her issues and talks to me about it…he has said he doesn’t feel ready to move in with her due to her health. She really does need some professional help…”

Agree with all PPs that the most likely cause is there was something in the house your son and his GF didn't want you to see.

Not all PPs.

If that was the case he wouldn't have had OP meet him at the house in the first place. If whatever he didn't want her to see was that serious he refused to let her use the bathroom knowing she has a health condition that requires it, he wouldn't have taken the risk.

I think it was a shitstorm in there (quite literally) and he was either ashamed or didn’t want you to give him a lecture on it… If she’s so anxious she can’t bear the thought of someone entering a room next to hers, she needs desperate help.

This is weird. He could have checked girlfriend was not in the bathroom and she could have gone in the bedroom and closed the door if she's that anxious.

What's he really hiding? Of course you are not unreasonable. It's a basic courtesy to let someone use your loo, especially if they are invited to visit and have a long drive ahead.

Her mh issues can't be that serious as she has managed to find a boyfriend, have a relationship and leave her own house. If her issues are that serious she has no business foisting them on anyone else. She needs to sort herself out before letting anyone into her life.If she can meet a bloke and stay at his then she should have no problem meeting his family.

I don't see any meaningful relationship with the GF when she can't even handle her BFs mother using the toilet.

And frankly I don't think it's fair to be in a relationship if you have such severe mental health issues. It puts a significant strain on the relationship, cuts the other partner from their family and support system to keep the other partner happy etc and what happens when they have kids etc?

There's no mental illness that's specifically limited to not letting others use your loo. Emetophobia and contamination OCD are the two closest ones where sufferers might be iffy about poo or norovirus but has zero impact when it's a healthy person you know using it for a wee.

Agree with all PPs that the most likely cause is there was something in the house your son and his GF didn't want you to see. Usually when a couple lives together, the GF tends to tidy up the house and the man doesn't really care much. In this case, the GF is mentally unwell so chances are high that the apartment is utterly filthy. Think hoarder filthy with unwashed food containers, dirty utensils, blankets, opened bottles and trash everywhere. You can only imagine the state of the toilet in a home like that. He is clearly self aware enough to feel ashamed of that so just pushing the blame on his GF before you tell him off.

Or they accidentally left sex toys next to the sink and that's the last thing he wants his mum seeing 😂

I would love to say something to make you feel better, but sorry, his behaviour was appalling!!!