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Original poster

Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

559 replies

zoovo · 27/04/2026 09:05

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

OP posts:
AprilMizzel · 27/04/2026 13:34

Moro93 · 27/04/2026 13:31

I really hate MN at times. The way people on here speak about mental health, neurodivergence etc is sickening.

Maybe she has autism. I do and so do both my children and unannounced visitors can be extremely distressing. If anyone is visiting our house, I have to know at least a few days in advance. But again, people on here are very dismissive about ND…

I also think the house being messy is another likely reason. Or maybe OP is just one of those people who you can’t get rid of for hours once they come to your house.

I think that more understanable - but OP was expected (at least to the drive) she wasn't just dropping in it was planned visit and the sons GF doesn't apparently live at the property - so why she was there at all and dictating who could and couldn't come in all seems odd.

FairKoala · 27/04/2026 13:33

Moro93 · 27/04/2026 13:31

I really hate MN at times. The way people on here speak about mental health, neurodivergence etc is sickening.

Maybe she has autism. I do and so do both my children and unannounced visitors can be extremely distressing. If anyone is visiting our house, I have to know at least a few days in advance. But again, people on here are very dismissive about ND…

I also think the house being messy is another likely reason. Or maybe OP is just one of those people who you can’t get rid of for hours once they come to your house.

But this wasn’t her house to demand who comes in and who doesnt

Bjorkdidit · 27/04/2026 13:33

Moro93 · 27/04/2026 13:31

I really hate MN at times. The way people on here speak about mental health, neurodivergence etc is sickening.

Maybe she has autism. I do and so do both my children and unannounced visitors can be extremely distressing. If anyone is visiting our house, I have to know at least a few days in advance. But again, people on here are very dismissive about ND…

I also think the house being messy is another likely reason. Or maybe OP is just one of those people who you can’t get rid of for hours once they come to your house.

But of course everyone is expected to have predictable bladders and bowels, such that they never need to use a toilet outside their own houses and can just hold it in for hours at a time.....

IAmBeaIDrinkTea · 27/04/2026 13:33

Moro93 · 27/04/2026 13:31

I really hate MN at times. The way people on here speak about mental health, neurodivergence etc is sickening.

Maybe she has autism. I do and so do both my children and unannounced visitors can be extremely distressing. If anyone is visiting our house, I have to know at least a few days in advance. But again, people on here are very dismissive about ND…

I also think the house being messy is another likely reason. Or maybe OP is just one of those people who you can’t get rid of for hours once they come to your house.

The fact that she says she's been known to randomly clean up when she's been before as she thinks it's disgusting says a lot imo.

FairKoala · 27/04/2026 13:32

Sometimes I wonder when this type of behaviour starts if people didn’t pander to them and told them to get over themselves, how many would continue getting overly anxious if they didn’t get the attention

For someone who is anxious about meeting people don’t they realise they draw attention to themselves the more they hide.

Or maybe that is the affect they are after

Moro93 · 27/04/2026 13:31

I really hate MN at times. The way people on here speak about mental health, neurodivergence etc is sickening.

Maybe she has autism. I do and so do both my children and unannounced visitors can be extremely distressing. If anyone is visiting our house, I have to know at least a few days in advance. But again, people on here are very dismissive about ND…

I also think the house being messy is another likely reason. Or maybe OP is just one of those people who you can’t get rid of for hours once they come to your house.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 13:28

Bjorkdidit · 27/04/2026 13:25

Do you not think denying your own mother access to your toilet when she's desperate is batshit? If the OP has any sense it's the last time she'll visit unless she gets an apology and assurance it won't happen again.

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No I don’t. She has admitted she’s make snarky comments before. And a natural consequence of that is that you aren’t given the chance to do that again.

I know how I would (and have) reacted over something similar. Perhaps people should think about what they say before they open their mouths

Bjorkdidit · 27/04/2026 13:25

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 13:22

Do you not think that suggesting someone forced themself into their son’s house is batshit? I can guarantee that that would be the last time she would see her son.

If the OP felt she had to pee outside then that’s on her.

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Do you not think denying your own mother access to your toilet when she's desperate is batshit? If the OP has any sense it's the last time she'll visit unless she gets an apology and assurance it won't happen again.

Kimura · 27/04/2026 13:25

AngryHerring · 27/04/2026 12:43

what a disgusting thing to say.

He sounds as though he is very caring and aware of his GFs issues.

as an aside the state of his place reminds me of when i used to visit my brother in an all male house share, it was my habit to turn up and immediately clean the loo because it was always disgusting.

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He sounds as though he is very caring and aware of his GFs issues.

He's also aware of his mother's medical issues, which require use of a toilet, so not that caring.

LoyalMember · 27/04/2026 13:24

Kimura · 27/04/2026 13:20

Although as others have mentioned… any chance GF is actually a man?

Then there would have been no reason not to have the "girlfriend" wait in the bedroom due to her "anxiety" while mum used the loo.

Or simply introduce him as a mate.

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The pink boa, freshly painted nails, and sandals might have given the game away.

I'm (not) sorry I said that....😆

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 13:24

NothingHereAnymore · 27/04/2026 13:15

Oh, and if you live in a house so filthy you expect to get 'judged' for it either clean the bloody place up or own that you live in a pigsty!
Hiding away in a grotty house is bound to make people feel like shit, can't say that though...it upsets their mental health.

And if it is a pigsty (which we don’t know as it’s only the OP’s word for it) then do you not think there can be underlying reasons that it got like that in the first place?

You can live however you like - you don’t have to let in people who are going to make you feel shit about it

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 13:22

Coconutter24 · 27/04/2026 13:18

You wtf at the force herself in part but not about weeing in a garden?

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Do you not think that suggesting someone forced themself into their son’s house is batshit? I can guarantee that that would be the last time she would see her son.

If the OP felt she had to pee outside then that’s on her.

Kimura · 27/04/2026 13:20

NorthFacingGardener · 27/04/2026 12:40

Something similar(ish) happened to me when my DF collected me from then BF’s house.. he asked if he could go in to use the loo. Of course BF let him but I was so embarrassed about the state of BF’s house.. I really wasn’t expecting him to go in.

Although as others have mentioned… any chance GF is actually a man?

Although as others have mentioned… any chance GF is actually a man?

Then there would have been no reason not to have the "girlfriend" wait in the bedroom due to her "anxiety" while mum used the loo.

Or simply introduce him as a mate.

Coconutter24 · 27/04/2026 13:18

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 09:42

Force yourself in???? What the fuck???

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You wtf at the force herself in part but not about weeing in a garden?

FairKoala · 27/04/2026 13:17

MousseMousse · 27/04/2026 09:08

Painting a girlfriend as crazy is a horrible thing to do @Oddlyfull

Op yanbu, very unkind of your son

That was the son’s description. She does sound very very odd.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 27/04/2026 13:15

There are so many MN posters who actively hate younger people and use any opportunity to have a go at them. This thread is a classic example of that. Yes it's a bit weird if that's the real reason he didn't let his mum use the loo, but it's not a reason to slag off every young person with mental health issues, or doubt anxiety exists at all (I wish it didn't, I suffer from it. But I am over 50 and have had no choice but to get on with things before I get called a 'melt').

NothingHereAnymore · 27/04/2026 13:15

Oh, and if you live in a house so filthy you expect to get 'judged' for it either clean the bloody place up or own that you live in a pigsty!
Hiding away in a grotty house is bound to make people feel like shit, can't say that though...it upsets their mental health.

LoyalMember · 27/04/2026 13:14

Purpletable · 27/04/2026 13:12

Again, I truly hope it never comes to your door.
Most people aren’t scammers.
In this case, whether the girlfriend hid inside the house or not would have no impact on any benefits she does or does not receive. It suggests her issues are real.

I would hope OP’s DS splits from her though, for his own sake.

Edited
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It suggests she's a manipulative cow, and he's a simpering wetwipe.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 13:14

My DM used to moan about the state of my home and as a result I’m not comfortable for her to be in my private space ever.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 13:13

User086758 · 27/04/2026 12:07

There's no mental illness that's specifically limited to not letting others use your loo. Emetophobia and contamination OCD are the two closest ones where sufferers might be iffy about poo or norovirus but has zero impact when it's a healthy person you know using it for a wee.

Agree with all PPs that the most likely cause is there was something in the house your son and his GF didn't want you to see. Usually when a couple lives together, the GF tends to tidy up the house and the man doesn't really care much. In this case, the GF is mentally unwell so chances are high that the apartment is utterly filthy. Think hoarder filthy with unwashed food containers, dirty utensils, blankets, opened bottles and trash everywhere. You can only imagine the state of the toilet in a home like that. He is clearly self aware enough to feel ashamed of that so just pushing the blame on his GF before you tell him off.

Or they accidentally left sex toys next to the sink and that's the last thing he wants his mum seeing 😂

Edited

The GF isn’t even living there but even if she were, the son is the one who leaves it in a state according to the OP. Does not having a penis mean that she has to do the cleaning?

Purpletable · 27/04/2026 13:12

KeepPumping · 27/04/2026 12:59

https://uk.news.yahoo.com/britain-fallen-great-anxiety-scam-170036595.html

Show quote history

Again, I truly hope it never comes to your door.
Most people aren’t scammers.
In this case, whether the girlfriend hid inside the house or not would have no impact on any benefits she does or does not receive. It suggests her issues are real.

I would hope OP’s DS splits from her though, for his own sake.

NothingHereAnymore · 27/04/2026 13:11

LoyalMember · 27/04/2026 13:05

If it boils down to it, it was actually the son's girlfriend who was too anxious to have her boyfriend's mum in the house, then I really fear for these two in the future. How the Hell are you going to get on in life if she's too scared to have her man's mum in the house, and he's that much of a drip that he allows it?

Exactly, but you will be shot down in flames for saying this!
We have gone too far with the 'mental health' obsession in this country. We are producing generations that cannot or will not cope with the most basic necessities of life🙄
Yes, some people have genuine anxiety but the majority feel* *a normal feeling known as nervousness. We do not need to bow and scrape and walk on egg shells around every nervous adult!!

LakieLady · 27/04/2026 13:11

Bjorkdidit · 27/04/2026 09:41

Same here. I'd have had to either forced myself in or piss in his garden.

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I'd have pissed in the garden, too. I had to do that at a friend's house when the council workmen were refitting her bathroom!

I wouldn't have forced myself in, that's not fair on either of them.

AuntChippy · 27/04/2026 13:10

Utterly ridiculous. Why is your son pandering to this manipulative woman? And how utterly disrespectful to you.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/04/2026 13:10

Cherrytree86 · 27/04/2026 12:29

@YourShyLion

how have you deduced that Op is judgey and disapproving?

although to be fair most of us are judgemental and disapproving about fully able adults who live in a shit hole so 🤷‍♀️

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No, most of us aren’t. But for those who are, they can’t be surprised when they are not invited into people’s homes.