AIBU to resent FIL expecting DH to provide for his sister?

I’d be questioning my marriage if my DH put his sibling before me or our DC!

The sum here is key. My impression initially was you were suggesting a substantial sum e.g £30,000+. You say several thousand which to me means around £5000. The latter would not concern me, particularly given your comfortable financial situation. The amount here is important as if you are just worrying over a few thousand then YABU.

Your husband is not an incredibly moral man. He's a pushover for his domineering father.
I'd lose all respect, personally. I would also suspect his father has made his inheritance dependent on it and he hasn't told you.
But then I'm incurably cynical.

And yes - this. Which will be much more timely and useful for his DSis.

OP you need to clarify if all his fathers money is being left to your husband on the understanding he shares it with his sister or will she get half and then the FIL still wants your husband to provide after that? They are very different.

That. It does sound as though FIL is the type to leave everything to his son. In which case a deed of variation to direct half to the sister will put that right very simply, and without incurring IHT.

@Porterpoets Just make sure there’s enough left for everyone else! I’d look at mirror will from your point of view or you skip your DH and leave to your DC. I’d be furious if my DH did that!

if I were you I would be tempted to say that you want to write your will do your assets go straight to your DC on your death not your DH, so they can’t be diverted to his DSis.

I don't understand why this needs to be in the will at all.
Surely DP can simply tell his father that he will look out for his sister. Is FIL demanding that it's in DH's will? Is he wanting to see evidence?

When fil.does, if he doesn't leave SIL half your DH should transfer half to her. That way he has both kept his promise.and won't offend his sister who is a fully grown adult capable of running her own life. If he insists on being a misogynist you have bigger problems.

This. Except I wouldn't give him a life times interest in any property I would put in a clause that if he wishes to remarry or cohabit with a gf then the house isn’t available to him.

He can’t be trusted with your children’s futures. If he can’t see what his fil is asking

Having read the other posts now it does look like he’s leaving everything to DH as ‘head of the family’. In which case can’t you just reassure him that DH will ‘do his duty’. I was left everything by a parent and divided it equally between me and my siblings. Only fair thing to do I think.

Yes, the sister should clearly marry Mr Collins, as marriage is ‘the pleasantest preservative from want’ for educated young women of small means.

(Come to think of it, Charlotte Lucas has younger brothers who express their relief when she marries Mr Collins, as otherwise she’d have had to be fed and housed by them after the death of their parents…)

I don't think your FIL means to gift SIL money.
I think it is irrelevent whether SIL is a woman or a man, she earns less and has no home.

FIL could be merely asking your DH to watch out for his sibling, financially. Your DH would probably never see a sibling of his, homeless or batttling illness alone; he would step in to care.

FIL obviously worries about his daughter and wants your DH to not forget her.

Your SIL will likely benefit from her father's generosity and be able to purchase her own home and security.

I would not be angry. Poor SIL. She would feel embarrassed to hear this 'old man talk' as she provides for herself well.
It is just an old man/father thinking of the welfare of his child.

Surely Fil didn’t mean an inheritance from DH? He would have meant checking in occasionally and making sure she was ok financially? Which I’m sure DH would do and neither of you would want to see his sister struggling. I would talk to Fil if possible about his own contribution to her future, including what she can expect from his will.

That. I'm in a similar position, as my parents estate left nothing, however I benefited on her death by becoming the full owner by survivorship, of a property that she and I were joint owners of.

I could not let my brother receive nothing when I had become better off via the value of my parent's half. So I am sharing that windfall with him. That's the moral thing to do.

No way would I put my brother in my will though, at someone else's demand.

Actually was wondering if this thread was a spoof on some sort of Jane Austen book or similar as it makes so little sense

Me too. Divorce would be on the cards.

So much going on here!

Surely, though, if the SIL is older, there’s every chance DH will outlive her, despite being male? And surely what she needs is the money now, from her Dad, or at the very least in HIS will, not when she’s extremely elderly and may be in care or similar?

Whole thing is bonkers.

Did your DH not ask your FIL what he meant? Surely your DH realises his responsibility is to his own children.

The only way I can see this turning into a morally grey area is if FIL is planning on leaving everything to DH under the condition he "looks after" his sister. That would be utterly crap of him but I do think your DH would have some responsibility toward his sister in that circumstance. Still wouldn't be leaving her something from his own will though, that's a bit pointless, more doing a deed of variation on FIL's so it got split evenly between them in the first place!

As a response to this I would be rewriting my will and make the children and not your DH, your beneficiaries and give your DH a life interest in your share of your home.

There is no way that you could trust him to prioritise your children after you die if he meets someone else if he isn’t even doing it when you are alive.

Honestly this would be one of those actions a person took that would permanently change how I viewed them and how I respond to them.

I would get dh to the tell FIL that he will look after sil exactly the same way he is looking after her.

FIL places too much priority on being Head of the Family and making dh Head of the Family.
I don’t think sil will inherit anything

Makes me wonder about these types of people who would rather give money to charity and the government when they die rather than give to their own family during their lifetime.

What on earth am I reading?

Your FIL is insisting on this change to your DH's will, while a) refusing to share even a precis of what his own will contains and b) not helping his own child, while expecting her sibling to.

You say that your husband is a very moral person. Why can he not see that putting his sibling ahead of his own dependents, is not a moral action?

If FIL does leave everything to his son, wouldn't the obvious thing be for him to give half to his sister, with no further obligation.

A similar thing happened in a family I know; 3 sisters were excluded from their Father's will in favour of the only son. He divvied it up - much to the annoyance of his gold-digging wife.