To not agree to DC traveling alone with my husband

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable exactly as I can understand this perspective but I do thing not trusting him with your child is a big issue that you’ve managed to work around for this long, until this trip has brought it back into focus.

In this scenario it’s not even as “simple” as leaving him as if he had custody he’d have the child unsupervised.

You need to figure this out between you urgently. It will destroy not only your relationship with your husband but also affect his relationship with your child. You can’t seriously maintain the status quo of not leaving your child in his care long term. You may need outside support for a neutral perspective to establish how much of this is your anxiety and how much is objectively unsafe.

What is your long term plan? To never let your husband look after your child without you forever? There is a much bigger issue here that your husband cannot adequately look after his child to do the bare minimum of keeping him safe. That is very concerning.

I don’t like the sound of it. I also don’t see how his complex relationship with them means you don’t travel. This doesn’t stack up and I wouldn’t let him go. Children disappear in cases like this.
if your gut says no, then don’t allow it.
im saying this as someone who let my husband take my eldest snowboarding in France last month, I am not against dads travelling with children as a principle, but what you’ve said put the frighteners on me.

If you were divorced and splitting care 50/50 you would have no say over how he parents in his time.

why are you with your partner if you can’t trust him to look after his own child? At some point you have to stop being controlling over it and let him parent his way (but not the car seats! )

I think you need to speak to someone about your anxiety/control over the care of your child, I don’t think its normal to be like this.

As for visiting the parents, I don’t think you should take away your child's possible only chance of meeting their grandparents

My ex was the same. I absolutely would not let the child go. The child is priority and his safety is more important than anything else.

OP said “I already expressed I am not keen and dh obviously got very upset, mumbles how I don't allow his child to meet grandparents...
And yes he insists he goes without me because of their complex relationship”

Never let your child go to another country without you without checking that country is covered by the Hague convention. Too many children get taken for a “holiday” by a parent who never returns.

Wanting to travel abroad without you makes me worry.

Why would you / are you not going?

At what cost? I can think of 2 mums on here who lost their children due to their careless husbands and another whose child suffered terrible burns because her husband was supposed to be watching him and didn't.
If I was OP I wouldn't take a chance.

Yanbu.
However, it is unacceptable that you seem to think him neglecting his child is ok when you are around.

If visiting his parents will motivate him to actually learn the basics of parenting and child safety, then use that as a carrot 🥕

If it won’t, then I would be considering a divorce.

@Playdoughy you have to keep your child safe. So you’ll go with or they don’t go at all.

His complex relationship with parents is his issue not yours.

Well, he’s not going to learn if you never let your child out of your sight…?