Update on previous post from yesterday

Don’t assume your marriage is over if you don’t want it to be. He’ll know that your hormones are racing and your emotions are all over the place right now. Talk to him.

Step children will often blame the stepmum for the parents' break up because it's easier than confronting the reality that it was their parents who fucked it up. They need to be encouraged to express their feelings about their parents and their anger at their father rather than deflecting it all onto you. And you need to be able to not step into the scapegoat role, which unwittingly by leaving you may have done so.

The step kids are right to feel hurt, angry and upset but they need to express these feelings maturely not direct them at you. Similarly you are entitled to your happiness so do not make life changing decisions based on the step kid's feelings. It would only make them full of guilt later on anyway to deep down worry that you got an abortion because they were so nasty to you. You need to allow everyone to have their feelings but for those to be expressed not acted out.

You have acted in haste and that's not a good idea. Take a few days to get yourself together and I would strongly suggest speaking to a counsellor with experience in step families. Do not get an abortion because you can't tolerate the current situation. If you want to be a mother you can be, with or without your dh.

Sending you hugs. I had a number of miscarriages and then finally became pregnant through ivf with my one and only child. I was delighted. But also completely and utterly overwhelmed. I’d been chasing it for so many years and now I had it I went into panic mode. You are also a step parent which adds a whole further layer of things. Dont make any rushed decisions. Get support to help you figure things out. I wish you all the best x

Sending lots of hugs, OP. 💐

You need to go to your doctor or midwife and get some MH help asap. It's this dip in your MH that's making you feel so low and catastrophising and feeling so anxious. There's nothing in your circumstances that objectively would make you feel this way, so it's definitely a MH matter. Once you get some help, you will feel MUCH better, about everything. Please, please do reach out to medical professionals. MH issues can make you experience the feelings that you are currently feeling, and you don't have to go on feeling this way. There is a lot of effective treatment for MH issues.

Better times are ahead, OP! Big, big hugs xxx 💐🌸🪷🌹🌺🌻🌼

And this ^^ @TicklishLeader

Most importantly this: Please don't let some strangers making comments online change your views about having a baby.

I'm so pleased you've come back, I was very concerned for you yesterday. Echoing others, you have done the very best thing to step away and give yourself some space. You mentioned that it's been 6 years, those 6 years will have been the absolute worst with hormonal teens, they are in their most arrogant, self important and blinkered stage of life. The timing with exams isn't great, but they are going to be disrupted anyway if the marriage is truly over, they will very soon be (albeit young) adults, and you and your husband could have many happy years ahead you in a calmer environment.
You are far from selfish in the way you are considering everyone else's feelings/wants above your own.
Take a deep breath, spend a bit of time sitting with how you feel, and be as sure as you can be about your next move. Then in the future be kind to yourself and remember that the decisions you made were viewed through the lens of today, not with the benefit of hindsight.
Wishing you all the best.

Your ex and his kids already have issues, it is nothing to do with the baby. So long as he reliably shows up for them, let's them know he loves them and still makes an effort to be their dad, the baby won't make the relationship worse.

Please don't let some strangers making comments online change your views about having a baby. You went from being excited to having a complete about turn.

Your baby will have two loving parents. It will have loving grandparents. That's a great start in life. In time it may also have a relationship with the older siblings, whether that happens or not will largely be down to your dh and how he handles things. But whether that happens or not the baby will be fine.

^^ this @TicklishLeader

I didn’t read any of your last thread but this is what I take from what you have written.

What you are feeling about not being good enough for your child is, even in a perfectly happy and planned pregnancy a normal thought process. We just add the reasons on according to our personal circumstances. It is your hormones that are all over the place.

You can be a wonderful single mother and putting the distance between the father’s children and you will in the long run make you happier.

Whilst you do love your dh and he loves you I do think the situation is toxic caused in someway from what you say about your dh and also by his dc. The latter isn’t something that can be cut out of your dh’s life so you need to look at them as a package

For him to be shocked that you couldn’t put up with him ignoring your wishes over something so personal and his childrens general toxicity.
He has had lived experience of their reactions but went ahead and told them of the pregnancy. This says more about him and his disrespect for you and your boundaries

Atm you have had some major upheavals.

Take up meditation and yoga where you self calm and let the process of the next 26 weeks happen.

The happiest women I know are single mums Make plans for a single mum future and look forward to the autonomy over yours and your babies life.

Keep calm, don’t stress and keep toxic people out of your life. Place yourself in a bubble and count every minute of everyday as another minute towards your new and happier life.
Monitor your diet. Only eat what you know you or your parents have cooked and know the ingredients of each meal

And remember that most of the thoughts you are thinking are related to your hormones and everyone has that self doubt. It is nothing more than a chemical reaction your pregnancy hormones are having on your brain.

If the way you are feeling mentally just now isn't normal for you, please call your midwife today and speak to them op to get support. I hope a bit of space and your parents looking after you helps but please do contact your midwife or GP about your mental health and don't rush into any rash decisions like selling your house, getting a divorce or anything to do with your baby.

OP you sound so confused and upset. I'm so sorry because this should be a magical time for you.

It is amazing how a simple post can lead to a spiral and doubt. One thing is for certain... you are good enough, you do deserve respect and love. You will fit in where you want to. But none of this happens until we are kind to ourselves and love ourselves too.

Hope you're getting some rest at your parent's. Sleep, be easy on yourself, take a breath and I hope some clarity finds you soon 💕

Apologies for typos. Not sure what happened. 🤔

I forgot to add @TicklishLeader that my DD was born when I was 37 and she's the light of my life. The thought of being without her wouldn't be worth living ( I'm not fond of babies just to be clear!).

Have some breakfast and a hug from your mum and make a few calls.

Oh lovely. I had terrible anxiety when pregnant with DD - also in a blended family situation and DH ex hated me for being pregnant. It was one of the hardest things I’ve gone through.
I can say from experience this is not the time for taking big decisions. Please talk to the specialist MH midwife and get some good support. You have not done anything wrong here, you are not selfish but it does sound like you are really struggling with your mental health and you need to prioritise that.

You can absolutely get yourself in the right place to be a mum to this baby. Moving out of that house and getting your money back to find a new peaceful drama free home is the first step.

OP I’ve been exactly where you are. Trust me you can do this x

OP I really felt for you on your thread yesterday, and commented on how vile so many posters were to you. The attacks were completely unwarranted with a few verging on hysteria. I know how it feels as I received a similar unwarranted kicking on here a few years ago and it really shook me up for a while, so I hope those idiots haven't caused you to make any decisions you could live to regret. There are lots of posters who love a pile-on, it's just entertainment to them, but this is your life, and your child's life.

I agree with others to give yourself some time and talk it through with a counsellor. Reset to how you felt before you posted yesterday, and reassess. I read nothing yesterday that made me think your situation was so serious or irretrievable.

Life is never perfect, and most of us are just making the best of the cards we've been dealt. If you see motherhood on your cards then embrace it. If your step DC can't accept it then, so what? As a poster said upthread, most teenagers are disparaging about their own parents, so don't be so hard on yourself.

I sincerely wish you peace and happiness, whichever path you take 💐

I saw the early posts on your last thread, I must have left before the nastiness started. What I took away from that post was that the only dilemma was whether to tell his kids before or after their exams, a decision made more tricky as you’re already 14 weeks. I mention that, as it all seems to spiralled significantly since! So I agree with PP, please take a step back, some deep breaths and really think about what YOU really want. Don’t let stroppy teenagers dictate! Wishing you all the best x

You can't live your life to please other people. That way truly is madness. You can't please everyone, I'm not suggesting that anyone goes out of the way to cause others upset or issues, but honestly you need to think about what you want. Not persuade yourself that others will be traumatised. FWIW, I have a half sister, 16 years younger than me. I was a bit shocked at first, pro because I had been the baby of the family, but truly now there are no problems at all.
Again, don't live your life for others.

@TicklishLeader now then what's all this about being selfish?

You're a married woman who is pregnant, that's not selfish it's what lots of people get married for. Otherwise you'd be the girlfriend.

Your husband's children don't get to be the boss of you. One's an adult and the other two not far off. It will be uni next and then a monthly visit.
If you want a baby you have been gifted one and no one should steal that joy.

What makes me angry for you is that he'd been divorced three years, absolutely nothing to do with you but you've been made to feel a predator of other people's husbands. Just nuts!

I didn't see the thread but I know Sundays and Friday nights can be brutal (they're on the wine!). I've cried buckets over being called a bad mother, fraudster and a shit tenant.
However I've had some great advice over the years and even made personal friends. Don't let bored old bats rob you of your peace of mind.

Speak to your midwife and your mum.

This OP. Keep your baby but ditch the man with the awful kids and yes they are awful to you and you don’t deserve it.

I think you’ve let the opinions of strangers on the internet get you down here and massively overreacted. You were happy to be pregnant before and only worried about when to tell your step children. Of course things aren’t perfect, they literally never are! Families are hard, blended families even harder. Don’t give up if you love your husband and want this baby. I’m a step mum and we’ve come out the other side of the difficult times now. There is hope.

Op I haven’t read the updates on your last thread. I would slow down and take time to consider what you want. People on the internet do not live your life. Is a huge step to take from worrying about step children to wanting a divorce. Could you see a therapist to get your head around things.

Oh I’m sorry @TicklishLeader, sounds like you are having a rough time and also some posters were horrible yesterday.

For me in pregnancy, everything seemed worse and my emotions were going crazy. So take some time before any decisions.

If you want a baby and will love it then you should proceed with the pregnancy. Only if you want to though. Sending love x

When you first posted, it didn't sound like anything was wrong between you and DH, or your wish to have a child @TicklishLeader .

I think it is really common and completely normal that your teenage SC still want their parents to get back together and it is absolutely nothing personal to you.

I also think that your child with DH will bring you all closer together in the years to come.

There is 13 and 15.5 years between my DS (from my first marriage) and my younger DC with DH. He adores them.

There is likely to be some initial difficulty and discomfort when DH tells them, but it will be OK.

I hope you can work this out with your DH and continue with the pregnancy.