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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Update on previous post from yesterday

133 replies

TicklishLeader · 26/04/2026 22:22

Update on my previous thread that got deleted.

I’m not in a good place if I’m honest.
I’m 38, DH is 48. He has three children (18 and 15-year-old twins) and they don’t like me. I get it. I’m not their mum, I came into there and I probably represent something they didn’t ask for.

We’ve been together 6 years, married nearly 2. I didn’t break up his previous relationship we met 3 years after his divorce but I can see now that doesn’t really matter to anyone else. I think I was naive about what being a stepmum actually feels like when it isn’t warm or welcoming.

I’ve had two miscarriages before, and they affected me deeply. I don’t think I ever properly dealt with them especially the most recent miscarriage at 12 weeks. I am pregnant again 14 weeks. I have been anxious a lot recently. I didn’t want DH to tell his children yet because I couldn’t face their reaction. Even writing that makes me feel pathetic, but it’s the truth.

I’ve been all over the place mentally. One minute hopeful the next completely overwhelmed. I don’t feel stable I don’t feel like myself, and I don’t feel strong. I think I’ve been pretending I’m coping when actually I’m not.

The comments about DH being selfish hit something in me. I don’t even know if they’re right or not anymore. I just know I feel like everything is too much, and I don’t fit into this life in the way I thought I would.

I’ve come to my parents house because I needed space. And I’ve told my husband I don’t think I can do this anymore. That feels awful to say because I do love him but love doesn’t seem to be enough if we bring an innocent child into this world.

I think they’d be happier without me there, and maybe he would be too, even if he doesn’t see it yet.

I’ve asked that we sell the house and go our separate ways. He’s shocked and upset. I am too. This isn’t what I imagined my life would look like and it’s painful.
I’m taking time off work, civil service is quite lenient in those sense. I need to focus on my mental health because right now I feel low. I don’t feel like a person who could look after a child when I can barely hold myself together.

That’s probably the hardest thing to admit. I wanted to be a mum so much but wanting it doesn’t mean I’m in the right place for it. And right now I’m not.

Thank you to those who replied before, even the comments I did disagree with. I can see why people said what they did. I’m just trying to be honest about where I’m at now. I’m sorry for how I came across with some of my responses.

I have had some lovely messages so thank you I do appreciate it!

This is not a AIBU post it’s just an update as the original post was on here.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
ForCosyLion · 01/05/2026 15:42

Lovely update, OP! SO many congratulations to you on your scan and healthy pregnancy!

I bet your step-kids will love playing with their baby sibling!

Triskellion75 · 01/05/2026 13:46

TicklishLeader · 30/04/2026 19:21

I’ll keep updating this as often as I can till baby is born.

DH & I went for a private scan today, baby is doing well, we got to hear baby’s heartbeat. DH was teary and I was emotional in a good way slightly mad at myself for how I was feeling previously. It’s my first pregnancy so everything is new to me but we are excited for what’s to come.

DH’s daughter messaged me today as she knew we were going for a scan and just to see how baby is doing. She seems quite interested in her new sibling. I know they’ll be an 18 year age difference but I’d like for my child to grow up having older siblings who they can count on for advice etc.

I am quite nervous for motherhood, I’m reading lots but I’m probably thinking about it too much I should just go with the flow.

Keep talking to us, we'll keep you right! Try and enjoy every minute, first time pregnancies can be scary but you'll get there.

EdgyCrab · 30/04/2026 22:42

TicklishLeader · 30/04/2026 19:21

I’ll keep updating this as often as I can till baby is born.

DH & I went for a private scan today, baby is doing well, we got to hear baby’s heartbeat. DH was teary and I was emotional in a good way slightly mad at myself for how I was feeling previously. It’s my first pregnancy so everything is new to me but we are excited for what’s to come.

DH’s daughter messaged me today as she knew we were going for a scan and just to see how baby is doing. She seems quite interested in her new sibling. I know they’ll be an 18 year age difference but I’d like for my child to grow up having older siblings who they can count on for advice etc.

I am quite nervous for motherhood, I’m reading lots but I’m probably thinking about it too much I should just go with the flow.

Phew! So pleased to see this update! I read your original thread and a lot of the feedback was really unfair and seemed like it was gunning for you. As at least one person has said, children often don't like their step-parents and often it has nothing to do with the person involved, but because of the painful situation children are navigating. I found myself liking my stepmother and I can't tell you how conflicted I felt even though my parents' marriage was the epitome of a disaster. It could be hard for your step children, they could be fine with it. Either way, don't choose to not have the baby for any reason except that YOU do not want it xx

UnZenXennial · 30/04/2026 22:25

How exciting! It sounds like things are really looking up, I hope you can relax and start to really enjoy your pregnancy now OP!

galaxyeasteregg · 30/04/2026 21:17

OP I'm so sorry. I had a miscarriage I will never recover from too. I'm sorry you're going through this . Hugs xxxxxx

ImFinePMSL · 30/04/2026 20:43

Amazing update❤

& yes we would definitely love to hear baby updates during your pregnancy. So many of us are rooting for you!

I’m pretty sure your stepchildren will absolutely adore their baby brother/sister when he/she is born.

Beachtastic · 30/04/2026 19:34

That sounds lovely, OP, and very different from what you feared! try to remind yourself of this if you find yourself spiralling again. I hope it's all smooth sailing now for you. x

Original poster
TicklishLeader · 30/04/2026 19:21

I’ll keep updating this as often as I can till baby is born.

DH & I went for a private scan today, baby is doing well, we got to hear baby’s heartbeat. DH was teary and I was emotional in a good way slightly mad at myself for how I was feeling previously. It’s my first pregnancy so everything is new to me but we are excited for what’s to come.

DH’s daughter messaged me today as she knew we were going for a scan and just to see how baby is doing. She seems quite interested in her new sibling. I know they’ll be an 18 year age difference but I’d like for my child to grow up having older siblings who they can count on for advice etc.

I am quite nervous for motherhood, I’m reading lots but I’m probably thinking about it too much I should just go with the flow.

OP posts:
Original poster
TicklishLeader · 29/04/2026 16:22

lulujuju · 29/04/2026 13:55

You said that his eldest child treats you with contempt - so yes he has allowed that behaviour or it would have been stopped.
I wasn't trying to be nasty, I am a step mum and a mum so I know how hard it is. Good luck.

Show quote history

I didn’t say she treats me with contempt? I think you’re making assumptions I do have the original post.

I know you were not being nasty but just the word choice didn’t match my description of the behaviour.

His daughter just thinks her parents should be together no child wants their parents to separate/or divorce. Her dad has spoken to her about m the behaviour multiple times and previously even suggested for her not to come to the house if she’s going to act like that. I’ve declined that as that’s not fair that’s his child she should be allowed to come to her fathers house.

OP posts:
lulujuju · 29/04/2026 13:55

TicklishLeader · 29/04/2026 05:25

Did you ever read the original post because I think if you haven’t as you are making don’t assumptions ? No where in that did I say DH ‘lets his children’ do that?

Edited
Show quote history

You said that his eldest child treats you with contempt - so yes he has allowed that behaviour or it would have been stopped.
I wasn't trying to be nasty, I am a step mum and a mum so I know how hard it is. Good luck.

wiwaprwfimh70 · 29/04/2026 05:53

Pregnancy hormones can be brutal! I'm glad his children have taken the news well.

Original poster
TicklishLeader · 29/04/2026 05:25

lulujuju · 28/04/2026 21:52

Thanks for the update OP, I was worried about you.
I think your DH is selfish for allowing his children to treat you so badly, he should have either tackled their behaviour or broken up with you long ago to save you all the stress and heartbreak.
Could you have the baby alone? You don’t need a man to raise a baby.

Did you ever read the original post because I think if you haven’t as you are making don’t assumptions ? No where in that did I say DH ‘lets his children’ do that?

OP posts:
Velvian · 28/04/2026 22:33

Look after yourself @TicklishLeader .

Take a step back from making sure everyone else is ok for a bit. Your DH can look after his DC.

Do some nice things for yourself and slow down.

lulujuju · 28/04/2026 21:52

Thanks for the update OP, I was worried about you.
I think your DH is selfish for allowing his children to treat you so badly, he should have either tackled their behaviour or broken up with you long ago to save you all the stress and heartbreak.
Could you have the baby alone? You don’t need a man to raise a baby.

UnZenXennial · 28/04/2026 21:25

I am so happy to read your update, and relieved for you that your news appears to have been well received by the DSC!

Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy, I hope you are able to relax and enjoy it now. Flowers

MyNoisyBee · 28/04/2026 20:49

So happy to hear this update OP, thanks for letting us all know.

Bringflowersofthefairest · 28/04/2026 18:48

So pleased for you OP. Hope you get the support you need during your pregnancy and congratulations.

OneMoreCoffee3 · 28/04/2026 18:33

TicklishLeader · 28/04/2026 13:35

Thank you everyone. I have had a lot of support at home and DH. He had told his children and all seems well, from his understanding they seem to be looking forward to meeting their new sibling. I was being silly my mental health has spiralled it’s still not the best but hopefully with counselling I will get better at managing my anxiety. So thanks to all the supportive messages on here and the supportive replies to the post I do appreciate it a lot. I know it’s just strangers but it has helped me xxx

I’ve been thinking of you so much over the last couple of days. I’m so happy to read this

patioh · 28/04/2026 16:23

I'm so glad to read today's updates OP. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck Flowers

NZDreaming · 28/04/2026 16:12

@TicklishLeader im so relieved to hear this. Well done for asking for help and wishing you all the best for a continued positive pregnancy journey

ForCosyLion · 28/04/2026 15:26

Lovely news, OP. I am so glad you're feeling better and that things have improved.

This thread just goes to show how vulnerable people can be in pregnancy and that they need kindness, respect, and understanding from those around them. 💐

ImFinePMSL · 28/04/2026 15:07

TicklishLeader · 28/04/2026 13:35

Thank you everyone. I have had a lot of support at home and DH. He had told his children and all seems well, from his understanding they seem to be looking forward to meeting their new sibling. I was being silly my mental health has spiralled it’s still not the best but hopefully with counselling I will get better at managing my anxiety. So thanks to all the supportive messages on here and the supportive replies to the post I do appreciate it a lot. I know it’s just strangers but it has helped me xxx

Oh massive hugs OP. ❤

Hopefully the new baby will be the piece of the puzzle that brings you all together.

Don’t ever feel like you’re “being silly”. You’re human, and you’re allowed to feel emotions in difficult circumstances. Go easy on yourself.

Recklessismymiddlename · 28/04/2026 15:02

All the best and hugs 🤗

Easilyforgotten · 28/04/2026 14:44

That's brilliant news, wishing you all the very best for the future OP. Keep well, and remember your happiness matters too.
There will be support here if you need it in the future.

Triskellion75 · 28/04/2026 14:31

That's a lovely update, so happy for you!