Page 5 | To ask if you’ve experienced limerence?

Salsa2026 · 2026-04-26T16:37:36+00:00

Only asking on AIBU for traffic as other sections seems to get no views. If you’re not sure what limerence is please google it as my definition would be clumsy. For those who do know what it is, have you ever experienced it? How did it all pan out for you? I think I’ve had limerence before, and I think (am quite sure actually) that the guy reciprocated my feelings, but he was married and we never crossed any lines. I never would in that case.

girlfriend44 · 26/04/2026 19:05

yes I have several times. I have OCD as well thoughts, the two are often linked.

Arlanymor · 26/04/2026 19:04

Salsa2026 · 26/04/2026 19:01

I think whether it’s limerence or not depends on the mindset of the person. You can be in love and not in limerence, or in love and in limerence. If you had been obsessed and unable to focus on anything else other than the man you talk about, then maybe that would’ve been limerence. But just loving him, and it not being able to go anywhere, isn’t limerence.

In my case, I could tell the man liked me (he made it obvious and others noticed), but it could move to anywhere because he’s married. So I obviously kept my distance, but I just felt kind of hollow and sad, and I couldn’t crush on another guy, even if I wanted to. I think that’s the limerence, that deep sadness and inability to move on

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Well we were both in a relationship and I wouldn't have called myself infatuated - very happy and in love - but not infatuated, because even before he had to make a tough decision, it was clear that life wouldn't be all plain sailing dating a divorced man with three children. So not limerence on either side for us I think. I still have the ring he bought me for my 40th saying that in the future he would want to buy me a different type of diamond ring to cement his commitment to me. I still love that man but have had to say to myself that it wasn't mean to be in the end. Took me a long time to get over it and I am only really just there now. I don't think that love and limerence are the same thing, I think love replaces limerence if that makes sense?

13RidgmontRoad · 26/04/2026 19:04

Yes - like a PP every few years. It’s hell. It’s extra hell (and more common) in combination with ADHD, imo, since it hits all the dopamine seeking buttons.

Original poster

Salsa2026 · 26/04/2026 19:01

Arlanymor · 26/04/2026 18:51

Well I am in love with someone who is in love with me but we can't be together because he lives on the other side of the world now. He was partway through a divorce but his wife fell ill and they have children - she moved to be closer to her family through the illness. We never speak because it would be too hard and in the end the divorce didn't happen because of the illness and his need to care for the children as well as her. I wouldn't call it limerence though, it's love with nowhere to go.

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I think whether it’s limerence or not depends on the mindset of the person. You can be in love and not in limerence, or in love and in limerence. If you had been obsessed and unable to focus on anything else other than the man you talk about, then maybe that would’ve been limerence. But just loving him, and it not being able to go anywhere, isn’t limerence.

In my case, I could tell the man liked me (he made it obvious and others noticed), but it could move to anywhere because he’s married. So I obviously kept my distance, but I just felt kind of hollow and sad, and I couldn’t crush on another guy, even if I wanted to. I think that’s the limerence, that deep sadness and inability to move on

OP posts:

Stopandlook · 26/04/2026 18:55

Yes. It was mutual and devastating, but we both moved on eventually. Very hard to comprehend how I could put up with the situation- also hard for my friends and family to watch I’m sure….

Arlanymor · 26/04/2026 18:51

Salsa2026 · 26/04/2026 18:48

I agree with what you’re saying, but limerence can also happen if the attraction is mutual, for example if the limerent object (the ‘mega crush’) has expressly said, or strongly suggested (ie multiple appearance compliments, and treating you differently o others). It can just be that the relationship can’t happen because the crush is moving abroad, or lives far away, or is married, or is a colleague at work, or a good friend’s ex…. There’s an all manner of scenarios.

I think it’s harder when you know that the crush does like you back, but it just can’t be. It takes longer to get over… but maybe that’s just me.

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Well I am in love with someone who is in love with me but we can't be together because he lives on the other side of the world now. He was partway through a divorce but his wife fell ill and they have children - she moved to be closer to her family through the illness. We never speak because it would be too hard and in the end the divorce didn't happen because of the illness and his need to care for the children as well as her. I wouldn't call it limerence though, it's love with nowhere to go.

tryandbepositive · 26/04/2026 18:50

I have it every three to four years. It’s always at a distance and recipient hasn’t a clue. Married 25 years and it’s like a way to have that alive feeling. It always fizzes out and I look back and think WTAF

Original poster

Salsa2026 · 26/04/2026 18:48

Arlanymor · 26/04/2026 17:41

It's an obsessive romantic infatuation - so a mega crush really. Where people can start projecting certain interpretations based on their feelings. I.e. He had a spare KitKat and offered it to me... do you think it means he feels the way I do? No, it means he gave you a KitKat because he had a spare/wasn't hungry.

I've had crushes, but not mega ones I don't think, because either those crushes have developed into a reciprocal relationship (and you're allowed to mega crush on your partner!), or they have and the crush naturally dies out. Once I know someone doesn't fancy me it's much easier to turn off my attraction to them. It's the obsessive part that is the problem, because some people really take it to the next level and read so much into nothing, and/or are so infatuated that they feel sick around the person, or start to change things in order to feed that infatuation. Like changing jobs, hair colour, living accommodation... in order to feed it and that's really dangerous and is also the kind of thing that can lead to stalking.

I agree with what you’re saying, but limerence can also happen if the attraction is mutual, for example if the limerent object (the ‘mega crush’) has expressly said, or strongly suggested (ie multiple appearance compliments, and treating you differently o others). It can just be that the relationship can’t happen because the crush is moving abroad, or lives far away, or is married, or is a colleague at work, or a good friend’s ex…. There’s an all manner of scenarios.

I think it’s harder when you know that the crush does like you back, but it just can’t be. It takes longer to get over… but maybe that’s just me.

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pimplebum · 26/04/2026 18:47

if its stopping you from doing your job properly, sleeping or you are making silly decisions then its gone too far

I've had a few mega crushes that affected me mentally but they passed and i went on to have a normal healthy relationship

csn you say why you think it’s limerence

clearlyy · 26/04/2026 18:47

Yes with my ex. We had a very traumatic experience and I thought I loved him. I did not. I was obsessed with him and it ruined me for years.

Original poster

Salsa2026 · 26/04/2026 18:42

Locutus2000 · 26/04/2026 17:57

If you’re not sure what limerence is please google it as my definition would be clumsy.

It just looks like another attempt to pathologise normal human behaviour, namely infatuation.

You’re right, infatuation is normal to an extent, but there is a point where it’s considered unhealthy.

OP posts:

Locutus2000 · 26/04/2026 17:57

If you’re not sure what limerence is please google it as my definition would be clumsy.

It just looks like another attempt to pathologise normal human behaviour, namely infatuation.

Arlanymor · 26/04/2026 17:41

It's an obsessive romantic infatuation - so a mega crush really. Where people can start projecting certain interpretations based on their feelings. I.e. He had a spare KitKat and offered it to me... do you think it means he feels the way I do? No, it means he gave you a KitKat because he had a spare/wasn't hungry.

I've had crushes, but not mega ones I don't think, because either those crushes have developed into a reciprocal relationship (and you're allowed to mega crush on your partner!), or they have and the crush naturally dies out. Once I know someone doesn't fancy me it's much easier to turn off my attraction to them. It's the obsessive part that is the problem, because some people really take it to the next level and read so much into nothing, and/or are so infatuated that they feel sick around the person, or start to change things in order to feed that infatuation. Like changing jobs, hair colour, living accommodation... in order to feed it and that's really dangerous and is also the kind of thing that can lead to stalking.