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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

291 replies

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 17:05

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

OP posts:
FrankieMcGrath · 26/04/2026 20:07

Tontostitis · 26/04/2026 19:53

Yeah he's people pleasing the wrong person and I'd be seriously ticked off with the pair of them.

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I thought this too - on these threads the people-pleasing husbands are never worried about pleasing their wives!

Notyouagaindear · 26/04/2026 20:01

I would quietly be annoyed. As I’m extremely petty I would make sure the card/gift is clearly signed from both of you. I would also make sure I was doing something much better that weekend eg a city break to DH’s dream destination or get tickets to a gig he’d love to attend. So that when he’s not actually having a good time at a wedding where he doesn’t know most of the guests, he’ll regret his decision to attend. Yes I am that childish 😁

2chocolateoranges · 26/04/2026 19:59

Very bizarre that you both work with Jane in the small team yet only dh has been invited.

also bizarre that your dh has accepted the invite, I know in the that situation neither dh or I would go.

I think it’s pretty rude of her to only invite him when you all socialise together.

PopcornKitten · 26/04/2026 19:58

Oddlyfull · 26/04/2026 19:54

He sure as heck isn’t a people pleaser to his wife!!

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They never are. Take as old as time.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 26/04/2026 19:57

Backawayfromthesausage · 26/04/2026 19:53

Gosh how overly sensitive people are.

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Not really. The OP was clearly under the impression that she and Jane were friends. Nothing in the OP suggests that her DH is the main friend and socialiser outside of work with Jane and she is just a tag a long. Nothing overly sensitive about reframing your mindset about this particular "friendship".

PopcornKitten · 26/04/2026 19:57

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 19:48

'sounds actually as though she doesn't like you either OP but hasn't come out and openly said it because she DOES like your H and wants to continue to socialise with him so she is willing to put up with your presence on the social outings.'

To be honest this has been my thought too. Husband is a complete social butterfly and I am much quieter and more reserved. Clearly she prefers him.

I am as sure as I can be that there is nothing going on between them.

This seems to be the most logical conclusion to draw.
It’s very odd though.
Do you still feel that you’re happy with DH going or would you rather he didn’t?
I guess if you don’t mind then just get on with it. If you secretly do mind then I’d have a bit of a chat with him before he firmally accepts and see if he really is that bothered about attending.
I understand if he’s a people pleaser he will end of pleasing all those around him rather than you as that’s what so may if these people pleasers do. They prioritise those on the edge of their social circle rather than those closest to them.

ilovepixie · 26/04/2026 19:56

It sounds like Jane is the third person in your marriage! Are you completely sure there is nothing going on between Jane and your husband.

Oddlyfull · 26/04/2026 19:54

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 19:51

Pretty much. She said it was for him only, no plus ones and he accepted it.
He is a people pleaser and sees the best in everyone so he wouldn't have questioned it.

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He sure as heck isn’t a people pleaser to his wife!!

Backawayfromthesausage · 26/04/2026 19:53

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 19:51

Pretty much. She said it was for him only, no plus ones and he accepted it.
He is a people pleaser and sees the best in everyone so he wouldn't have questioned it.

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I’m not a people pleaser, but I’d also not question it. As I am of the opinion I don’t need to be invited to my colleagues weddings or other special events, nor do I feel I need to go everywhere with my husband, or him me.

mumuseli · 26/04/2026 19:53

Are you sure she knows that you and he are married?! She might not realise!

Tontostitis · 26/04/2026 19:53

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 19:51

Pretty much. She said it was for him only, no plus ones and he accepted it.
He is a people pleaser and sees the best in everyone so he wouldn't have questioned it.

Show quote history

Yeah he's people pleasing the wrong person and I'd be seriously ticked off with the pair of them.

Backawayfromthesausage · 26/04/2026 19:53

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 26/04/2026 19:50

That's quite a snub IMO. I would certainly pulling back on the socialising and would be polite but distant in the office mainly for your own dignity. "Jane" is not your friend.

Gosh how overly sensitive people are.

Original poster
Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 19:51

Holidaymodeon · 26/04/2026 19:44

So he asked if you were invited and she said no and that’s the end of the conversation ?
weird .

Pretty much. She said it was for him only, no plus ones and he accepted it.
He is a people pleaser and sees the best in everyone so he wouldn't have questioned it.

OP posts:
Livelovelaughfuckoff · 26/04/2026 19:50

That's quite a snub IMO. I would certainly pulling back on the socialising and would be polite but distant in the office mainly for your own dignity. "Jane" is not your friend.

ViciousCurrentBun · 26/04/2026 19:49

Because you all work together it is odd but I’m fine being invited without my spouse and have been to about 4 or 5 weddings where I was a solo invite whilst married.

Original poster
Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 19:48

'sounds actually as though she doesn't like you either OP but hasn't come out and openly said it because she DOES like your H and wants to continue to socialise with him so she is willing to put up with your presence on the social outings.'

To be honest this has been my thought too. Husband is a complete social butterfly and I am much quieter and more reserved. Clearly she prefers him.

I am as sure as I can be that there is nothing going on between them.

OP posts:
Backawayfromthesausage · 26/04/2026 19:46

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 18:38

Answering questions.
Gina I cannot think of any reason at all outside of costs or inviting me meaning she would have to invite others. They have not worked specifically together more than others and I am not loud, obnoxious or anything at parties! If anything husband is the one more likely to be loud.

Husband just said he has been invited and thinks it will be a nice day and he wants to support his friend on her big day so he wants to go. He did not think it was weird at all until he was chatting to his Mum and mentioned it and she thinks it is rude. In fact he was rather put out that we both thought it was weird.

Bosses wife does not work there although we have met her on some occasions. I mentioned this to husband and he thinks Jane knows the boss would not come alone where as husband is ridiculously social and will chat to anyone so won't be the slightest bit bothered about not knowing people.
I did wonder if boss had just presumed he would have a plus one and presumed his wife was invited and has been talking about it and Jane has just gone with it and added her rather than look bad infront of boss.

No drip feed. Husband does not know anyone from the family at all apart from Jane, he has only met the groom briefly when we have gone out for dinner or drinks after work and he has picked Jane up or once when he attended too. (Groom works away often)

We are are a team of six (excluding the boss). Husband is the only one invited but Jane has openly said she does not particularly like other two members of the team. There is one other person who I was surprised was not invited as although they don't socialise outside of work they are very close within the workplace. I am the only one she does socialise with who is not invited.

I am not actually bothered at all about attending. I just thought it was weird and the thought of going back into work while Husband and her chat about the wedding made me feel a bit awkward.

Yeah I reckon this is because between you, her, your husband there is only 3 other people and she doesn’t want to invite them all.

I don’t really get responses in here, usually people hate weddings. But any sniff of not being invited and it’s like crime of tne century.

im fairly relaxed. I’d tell him to have a great time, send a lovely present and then go have lovely day.

JustAnotherWhinger · 26/04/2026 19:44

I think it’s fine to invite workmates without their partners generally.

It would also be ok to invite your team without partners and not invite a partner who worked in a different team. Its very weird to invite one person from your team and not the other when the other is their spouse that you equally socialise with.

Holidaymodeon · 26/04/2026 19:44

So he asked if you were invited and she said no and that’s the end of the conversation ?
weird .

Alwaysthesameoldstory · 26/04/2026 19:42

If this woman openly says she doesn't like 2 members of your team it sounds actually as though she doesn't like you either OP but hasn't come out and openly said it because she DOES like your H and wants to continue to socialise with him so she is willing to put up with your presence on the social outings.

Are you sure there is nothing going on with this woman and your H given that her fiance works away a lot?

SwatTheTwit · 26/04/2026 19:39

If I were your DH I wouldn’t be going.

I was in a similar situation but by then DP wasn’t working there anymore and was away during that weekend, so I ended up going with a few friends. We all collectively regretted it lol it sucked.

Oddlyfull · 26/04/2026 19:38

I think there will be more to all this. That we aren’t ever going to be privy to.

Tontostitis · 26/04/2026 19:36

I'd flat out ask her where's my invite and tell her she's made you feel very awkward

Starzinsky · 26/04/2026 19:36

I am equally shocked your husband didn't think twice about going without you.

MrsDutchie88 · 26/04/2026 19:34

The real question at this point is, is your husband still going?