Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward about only my husband being invited to the wedding?

291 replies

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 17:05

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

OP posts:
ButtonMoonBlanketSky · 26/04/2026 20:49

It's really bloody rude and I'd be disappointed if my DH went knowing I'd been deliberately snubbed.

minipie · 26/04/2026 20:46

This is blooming weird

And your DH needs to develop a bit of empathy and realise this is pretty rude and hurtful towards you, his wife, and therefore he shouldn’t be going. He doesn’t need to cause a drama, he can just make an excuse but I certainly don’t think he should be going.

JustAnotherWhinger · 26/04/2026 20:45

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 20:23

'Do they socialise alone?
Did he work there before you?'

They don't socialise alone.
I worked there before him although he was on Jane's team before I was.

Was he on Jane’s team for long before you?

The only way I’d see that as remotely acceptable is if it turned out your DH had worked with, and been friends with, Jane for donkeys years before you.

So basically if he’d be on the guest list even if he was no longer on her team. But that doesn’t really sound like the case.

Backawayfromthesausage · 26/04/2026 20:41

burnoutbabe · 26/04/2026 20:40

So he wants to attend and spend the day with his boss and bosses wife. A nice cosy 3 some there!

And what’s wrong with that?

outerspacepotato · 26/04/2026 20:41

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 17:22

We are all the same small team.
My husband is the only one from our team invited apart from his boss and the bosses wife but only myself and my husband socialise outside of work with Jane.
No history as far as I know.
The venue is large.

That's really strange and pretty rude of her.

I think your husband agreeing to go without you under those circumstances is pretty weird too. I'd stop the socializing with her. She's not your friend. I'd have a talk with your husband about why she's treating him differently. Is he senior to her because she's sucking up to him (and offending you) for some reason.

burnoutbabe · 26/04/2026 20:40

So he wants to attend and spend the day with his boss and bosses wife. A nice cosy 3 some there!

ShieldMaiden8 · 26/04/2026 20:38

I think it’s really rude of her but extremely odd that your husband is choosing to go alone. In that position I’d never go if my husband couldn’t and I know my husband wouldn’t either.
He should be putting you first IMOH

JayJayj · 26/04/2026 20:38

I can’t believe your husband is choosing to go rather than stand by his wife!! It’s completely weird. She obviously doesn’t like you. He should decide, who matters more? His wife or his colleague.

SpidersAreShitheads · 26/04/2026 20:36

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 26/04/2026 19:50

That's quite a snub IMO. I would certainly pulling back on the socialising and would be polite but distant in the office mainly for your own dignity. "Jane" is not your friend.

Absolutely this.

If you didn’t work there, then fine.

But as you not only work alongside them both in a small team but also socialise with Jane, this is a massive snub. I’m appalled that your DH doesn’t see this. By attending he’s validating her behaviour.

I wouldn’t be socialising with Jane again. Nor would I be “friendly”. I’d be perfectly polite and pleasant - but that’s it.

As is often said on here: when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I would also be really disappointed in DH too. Socialising separately is fine - this is completely different. You’ve been purposefully excluded by someone you considered a friend and he’s happy to go along with that. Honestly, I’d be fuming.

Edit for typo!

Allseeingallknowing · 26/04/2026 20:35

Reasonstobelieve · 26/04/2026 20:34

The longer I'm a member here the more I become flabergasted at some of the threads. I'm not accustomed to writing this but as far as I'm concerned I would make sure my DH was under no illusion regarding this invite. If you accept it then make no mistake we are over & Jane can stick her goady invite where the sun don't shine.

Edited

👍

Reasonstobelieve · 26/04/2026 20:34

The longer I'm a member here the more I become flabergasted at some of the threads. I'm not accustomed to writing this but as far as I'm concerned I would make sure my DH was under no illusion regarding this invite. If you accept it then make no mistake we are over & Jane can stick her goady invite where the sun don't shine.

Allseeingallknowing · 26/04/2026 20:34

Completely agree, and I’d be speaking to her too!

Smilesinthesunshine · 26/04/2026 20:33

I think it's awful for your DH to still attend. He should stand by you.

SpaceRaccoon · 26/04/2026 20:33

I think your husband just happily skipping off to the wedding of the person who has snubbed you hard, is pretty poor form.

CaptBirdsEar · 26/04/2026 20:25

MarieTheresevonWerdenberg · 26/04/2026 17:16

Strange that your husband is choosing to go…

Yes I agree, if I were to receive an invite and my partner wasn’t included as in this situation, I definitely wouldn’t be going.

Original poster
Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 20:23

'Do they socialise alone?
Did he work there before you?'

They don't socialise alone.
I worked there before him although he was on Jane's team before I was.

OP posts:
PopcornKitten · 26/04/2026 20:22

You are very gracious OP.
I would certainly match her energy. She has shown you what she thinks of you so he can, in future, socialise with her without you. He can’t have it both ways.

Allseeingallknowing · 26/04/2026 20:18

Starzinsky · 26/04/2026 19:36

I am equally shocked your husband didn't think twice about going without you.

Me too, where is his loyalty to his wife?

Original poster
Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 20:17

'Do you still feel that you’re happy with DH going or would you rather he didn’t?'

I have mixed feelings to be honest.
I am genuinely not bothered about not attending the wedding but the circumstances make it awkward.
My husband and I do socialise separately and have our own friends so we do not have to go everywhere together and like others have said if this was a work colleague of only one of us it would not have even crossed my mind.

Personally if the situation was reversed I would not have accepted or I would have at least asked if there was a reason and probably offered to cover the extra cost for husband if that had been the issue although I know not one of my friends would have excluded him.
He has accepted and I have no intention of trying to stop him going.
I am a bit miffed though.

OP posts:
Butterme · 26/04/2026 20:16

Do they socialise alone?
Did he work there before you?

It sounds as though they’re friends whereas you are more colleagues.

There are people I do socialise with outside work but these aren’t my friends friends.
There are a couple who I call my actual friends where we text and socialise without the others.

If I was getting married and cost/space was an issue, I would invite the couple of actual friends but not the others - but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them.

Backawayfromthesausage · 26/04/2026 20:15

Notyouagaindear · 26/04/2026 20:01

I would quietly be annoyed. As I’m extremely petty I would make sure the card/gift is clearly signed from both of you. I would also make sure I was doing something much better that weekend eg a city break to DH’s dream destination or get tickets to a gig he’d love to attend. So that when he’s not actually having a good time at a wedding where he doesn’t know most of the guests, he’ll regret his decision to attend. Yes I am that childish 😁

Considering some posters are hurling abuse, wanting her to break the friendship, her husband decline etc, there are plenty way pettier than you. You actually come across as one of the more reasonable ones. 😂

PussInBin20 · 26/04/2026 20:14

That’s really out of order. Clearly she doesn’t consider you a friend so I would stop socialising with her if it was me. And I wouldn’t be too impressed if my DH accepted in this situation either (although I know my DH wouldn’t, and I’ve just checked and he confirms this!)

Recklessismymiddlename · 26/04/2026 20:14

Backawayfromthesausage · 26/04/2026 19:53

Gosh how overly sensitive people are.

Show quote history

Not in this situation no. It’s a deliberate snub. Very unpleasant in this particular situation.

Dh and I go away separately, socialise separately quite happily.

But in a situation where we both socialise with someone on an equal basis and for only one of us to be invited, would be unbelievably rude. Dh wouldn’t go and nor would I in this particular circumstance.

Gwenna · 26/04/2026 20:12

2chocolateoranges · 26/04/2026 19:59

Very bizarre that you both work with Jane in the small team yet only dh has been invited.

also bizarre that your dh has accepted the invite, I know in the that situation neither dh or I would go.

I think it’s pretty rude of her to only invite him when you all socialise together.

This! OP’s DH shouldn’t accept.

Gwenna · 26/04/2026 20:11

Thewitchofwestminster · 26/04/2026 17:05

I don't know to feel about it.

Both myself and my husband work in an office with 'Jane'. I have always thought we got on well together and we have become friends outside of the workplace, socialising together.

Jane is getting married in a few weeks and has invited my husband to her wedding but not myself. Husband was given an invitation with his name only on and when he queried he was told it was only for him.

If she had come to me and said it was because of costs or if she invited me she would have had to plus one others I would have understood but it is all just a bit weird!

My husband is attending and that is fair enough but it has left me feeling so awkward.

Would you invite just one spouse to a wedding?

Jane is horrible! YANBU, OP