I’m posting on AIBU because this is where the most recent wild suggestions were made. Please ladies be careful at some of the suggestions made here. I’ve seen some posters giving advice on another thread. Let’s not egg people on to destroy their own standing. I spend time working with women rebuilding themselves and have assisted/ am assisting several who are in the midst of their divorces as litigants in person. I’ve been to court some 30odd times in the last year. Many women don’t qualify for legal aid because they co-own their home but have no cash and can’t afford lawyers having been homemakers. And the first thing the man does is cut them off financially making it more difficult for them to even seek advice on how to obtain litigation loans or apply for LSPO. (Legal services payment order)
Here’s what I can tell you for free. The men’s lawyers typically find it easy to establish a case of irrationality against the women because of things they did whilst upset which no one had told them would damage their case. Pulling some examples from a recent trending thread let me show you some of these:
- Changing the locks to exclude a badly behaved spouse /Locking a co-owner out of their home = Unlawful eviction / interference with right to occupy. Whilst this is frequently done in movies and around the country, it is the quickest way to show the judge you are controlling. (Caveat unless the man is a physical danger to you and/or the children but even in that case, lack of any police records of you having called the police in the past means the man can dismiss it. That’s why the first time anyone hits or threatens to hit you, or behaves aggressively or spits at you; call the police, this creates an external record which will be invaluable. If your spouse is causing you stress and anxiety (3+ bad nights of sleep, tell your GP, also creates a record. Your GP wont judge, they’ve seen it all)
- Filming your drink hubby when he’s passed out/ incapacitated in a private home without consent = Misuse of private information / breach of privacy (the courts take a very dim view and won’t even allow whatever evidence you think this is)
- Filming him beside vomit for evidence and using footage = Controlling or coercive behaviour (Serious Crime Act 2015) [funny enough the law is different if you have indoor cctv and it catches this- the latter is incidental, the former is intentional]
- Seizing or withholding someone’s passport = Theft / controlling or coercive behaviour
- Defacing or destroying someone’s passport or ticket = Criminal damage / theft
- Going through your spouse’s stuff to find tickets or other such documents = breach of privacy, you can no longer introduce documents into legal proceedings if they are documents you found which your spouse had hidden. The court expects that if they were hidden, he has a reasonable right to expect privacy. Even if said documents show he has millions of £ stashed away.
- I could go on.
Whilst these can feel good at the time to do, will have huge consequences in a divorce. Please do not do anything like this. If contemplating a divorce your best course of action is to be whiter than white, if you feel you might need video evidence, install indoor CCTV in your home and pay for 6 month footage back up plan and download as soon as anything happens. Ring is better, Tapo is okay too but some models are not great. Believe me the difference matters it in court; Document everything and take protective steps before you file anything. I am not saying people should go round filing for divorces but it’s deeply frustrating to see what rings are run round a woman who has been a trusting wife and mother because they are not legal savvy and don’t have representation. As above maybe the same happens to men too so I don’t want to generalise. I’m only speaking from the experiences I know.
I’m not posting this to attract comments. Just a psa from a woman to women/ or anyone who is genuinely not an abuser and is enduring a bad marriage and considering doing any of the above. Don’t.