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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say grandparents doing childcare may be too exhausted to offer good quality care?

66 replies

MiserableMrsMopp · 26/04/2026 13:23

Yet another iteration of this.

I'm in my 60s. I do all my GC's childcare. My choice. I do school drop off, pick up, after school care. I do weekends when shift work requires it. I also do a couple sleep overs a week.

I do it willingly. I love my GC and want to do it for this limited time when they're young. Yes, my DC (parent) is entitled but I'd do it regardless so think not doing it would be counterproductive for me. GC will not be young for long, and I want to make the most of it.

BUT this is what adult children don't seem to understand (not just mine, all the AC on mumsnet wingeing about their parents not doing childcare). People my age still have to work. Our pensions don't kick in until we're 67. So I still work full-time. And to add childcare on top of this is EXHAUSTING. Yes, I know parents are tired too. But the parents are 20-30 years younger than grandparents.

The result of the old people (me!) working AND doing childcare is that ultimately, we are not at our best with our grandchildren. Mine are not getting an enriching experience with me because I'm so tired that I'm there in body only. Yes, I take them places so they can play, but I'm never down on the ground / out in the park participating with them the way I'd like to be. I literally have no energy.

So please bear this in mind, when you want that free childcare. You may not be getting that lovely, nurturing experience for your children. You may get a wrung out dishrag, who can keep them alive, but not keep them happy.

OP posts:
Splatz · 26/04/2026 14:55

You're not unreasonable in that it's too much if you're working FT.

But also I voted YABU because don't say " I do it because I want to do it", but then also complain about it and say that your offspring is entitled. Are you doing it despite knowing someone else would offer better care...? Is that in your GC best interests?

wiwaprwfimh70 · 26/04/2026 14:49

When do their parents parent?

HelloItsMeYourRobotVaccuum · 26/04/2026 14:47

You’re doing a lot. Back in the day grandparents were younger as people had dc younger and retired younger whereas of these are luxury positions now due to finances etc.

JenniferBooth · 26/04/2026 14:46

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 26/04/2026 14:43

But if your working full time and the parents work full time sounds like your having your grandchildren much more than the parents? At that point you may as well call yourself their mother.

And claim the Child Benefit

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 26/04/2026 14:43

But if your working full time and the parents work full time sounds like your having your grandchildren much more than the parents? At that point you may as well call yourself their mother.

ginasevern · 26/04/2026 14:42

This is a ridiculous situation. You won't survive to collect your pension, let alone see your grandkids become young adults. Why aren't they parenting their own kids and why aren't they paying you to parent them instead? If they stuck their hands in their pockets then maybe you wouldn't need to work full time. I doubt they'll be weeping for you when you collapse.

Createausername1970 · 26/04/2026 14:42

How come you do it all and work full time? Why can't the parents manage it?

OP, as was suggested on another thread to a different nan doing all the childcare, take a couple of weeks off, go on holiday, and review the situation.

Iloveeverycat · 26/04/2026 14:38

I don't know why you are doing it when you work full time.

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 26/04/2026 13:54

How on earth are you working full time, doing school drop offs and pick ups, plus having their dcs at the weekend?
Surely if you have them whilst they work on a weekend, then they get days off during the week, so they can do school runs.

Ihatetomatoes · 26/04/2026 13:46

Ithinkofawittyusernamethenforgetit · 26/04/2026 13:34

How are you doing full-time plus all the childcare when there are two of them presumably? You need to be telling them what you’ve posted here! I’ve never been a fan of the term “quality time” but it’s never been more apt. Sit down with them and draw up a new plan. All the best.

This.

Your child and partner appear happy to work you into the ground. Do they do anything

MingBinJuice · 26/04/2026 13:41

Yet another iteration of this

Why? There have been endless threads recently - there can't be much left to say?

Apprentice26 · 26/04/2026 13:36

100% if I do childcare with my grandchild I will make it very clear that that is the down day and it’ll be the one day a week that they spend watching telly on their iPad chilling with granny recuperating
It will not be the day that we suddenly decided to teach them to read or mountain bike

Ithinkofawittyusernamethenforgetit · 26/04/2026 13:34

How are you doing full-time plus all the childcare when there are two of them presumably? You need to be telling them what you’ve posted here! I’ve never been a fan of the term “quality time” but it’s never been more apt. Sit down with them and draw up a new plan. All the best.

Givemeausernamepls · 26/04/2026 13:30

You are doing absolutely loads… my mum
has been doing a solid day a week for about 12 years. When I had my last I made it clear there was no expectation but she loves it. I wouldn’t ask her to do over nights or extra tho as she needs to have a life of her own. She has been retired 11 years and is 70

Lmnop22 · 26/04/2026 13:27

Sounds like you need to be doing less. I get that they’re young but if you’re doing school drop off and pick up and after school every day and a couple of sleep overs a week and some weekends, when are your GC’s parents actually seeing them?! 😳

Redrosesposies · 26/04/2026 13:26

You are being unreasonable doing that much childcare.
Carry on like that and you might not get to your pension.

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