AIBU to distance myself from a friend whose life seems perfect

Flip it.

What do you think people would say to a poster who said she didn't want to be friends with someone because their life didn't seem as nice as theirs so it made them feel bad?

They'd be told that's ridiculous and unpleasant.

How good do you think your life will be if you cut off everyone who seems to be doing better than you? or have more? or seem happier?

Restricting your friends to people who seem to be struggling as much as you or as unhappy as you seems like a recipe for misery.

I'd seriously ask yourself why youd shun someone happy and instead choose to surround yourself with others who are struggling.

Not at all. Why do you go this extreme?

They would just hang out with people who didn't make them feel the gnawing pain of envy, not those to whom they can feel superior.

If you can cope with envious feelings or have such high self esteem that you you can accommodate the feeling or don't feel it iall-that's great.

Not everyone can. If a friendship is making you have negative feelings about yourself or your life-and you can't cope with it-then it makes sense to distance yourself. Not everyone can apply the high minded advice some PPs are giving and the OP shouldn't be made to feel bad or lacking in some way if she can't.

I am going to go against the grain here and say, it’s ok to step back or drop a relationship if it makes you feel bad about yourself. It’s not nice being in the other side of it and it may cause the relationship to be unrepairable however you need to but your own emotional wellbeing first. Whilst it won’t necessarily solve how you feel or change your own circumstances.

PP gives good advise about looking at actually what areas of her life would you like for yourself.

It’s also worth remembering not everything’s as it seems on the surface, we only see the parts of people lives they want us to see.

If someone were to act on this, they’d just bustle about collecting the unfortunate, unlucky, ill, poor etc to make them feel good about themselves.

Nobody has the perfect life !

I think you need to work on your own self esteem tbh

Also she will have stuff going on behind the scenes. I’m sure many people envy me on paper……but there’s stuff no one knows about- even my closest friends

It does sound like envy but if it is making you feel bad about yourself, then why put yourself through it.

If your life would feel better without having this envy in it then yes, distance yourself and don't feel bad about it.

It's all very good for people to adopt a high moral attitude and tell you to start looking for positives in your own life but if the positives in your life lose their shine because you can't help comparing your positives to hers-and yours come up second best-then stop doing it to yourself.

You're not really her friend though.

Yes, you should do that, it is just the way to treat a friend 🙄

This is such excellent advice. I don’t agree with shaming emotions, they are something every human can and does experience. I think it is much more beneficial to use them to guide us to what we actually want in life.

Sounds like more than a touch of the green eyed monster tbh! And you’ll end up very lonely if you cut everyone out of your life who you perceive has a better life than you! Start looking for the positives in your life or how you can make little changes to make things better.

It's not a nice thing to do to your friend.
It's not good for you either. If you keep cutting people out of your life because you perceive them to be doing better than you you're likely to end up very lonely and bitter. You need to work on yourself and being grateful for what you have and happy for others who are doing well.

No, that's not fair.

What I would do, is - take yourself out for a quiet coffee or glass of wine. Write a list of everything about her life you want and are envious of. Then work out what you need to change or adapt about your own life in order to achieve the things you want for yourself.

It sounds twee, I get it. But about 7-8 years ago I was desperately envious of someone who seemed to have it all. (3 kids, lots of money and lots of holidays abroad). I did the above and worked out what exactly it was I wanted of her life. Turned out I wanted the holidays. So I set up a separate account, I removed a set portion every month form my bank account. I shopped around for deals. I paid careful attention to ways i could save from my spending that seemed just pennies and added up. Since then I have managed to achieve the holiday ambitions I through was out of reach - and it actually was not as unachievable as I thought.

Now that is a specific example- but with a cool head figure out exactly what it os of hers you want for yourself. Then work out how to get it. Even if it's one change at a time- building on changes.

I always think that envy is a really useful tool. Utilised wisely it alerts us to what we want for ourselves, The key is to ujse that in a healthy way, not as a means by which to be eaten up with jealousy over someone else.

Good luck

Seems like an odd reason to end a friendship, tbh.

Could you not make small changes to improve your own situation - see her as a bit of inspiration maybe?